I feel like a ping-pong ball

On Tuesday, from potential mentor #1:

"Oh you ABSOLUTELY MUST to an EM sub-i in addition to the medicine one. BEFORE you do your PhD so that you can do shifts in the ED while you're working on your dissertation. So you don't lose your clinical skills. Plus, you can't possibly know what EM is like until you've done a sub-i in it."

From Epi mentor, later that day:

"Yes, I think that's an EXCELLENT idea. Sign up for an EM sub-i plus your medicine sub-i. It's better than what you're currently signed up for."

So I go home, and write an email requesting April for that sub-i too. Feeling this sinking feeling since I really don't want to do two sub-is back to pretty much back. That I feel like I'd rather do something that would be more likely to help me figure out what to do research in. But of course, EM is one of those fields. It's just that it's in general easier for me to think of Health Econ topics to present upon than Onc topics because I know more about Health Econ than Onc at this point.

The thing is, of all the clerkships we do, EM is one that MOST resembles what it's like to be an EM doctor, despite what mentor #1 said about doing the sub-i. So what I'm not presenting directly to the attending as a 200 level student and would be as a 300 level one. It's not like I've never presented to an attending before.

So anyway, the next day I go to see the GRAND PUBA MD-PhD program advisor.

"Oh GOD no, you shouldn't do a month of EM. You should do a month of Heme-Onc in order to figure out if you want to do Oncology. Yes, plus your month of Rad Onc -- they're totally different. It may also help you think of a topic to pursue for your PhD. Sign up for Heme-Onc now. You can do clinical connections later this year (and all through next year and the year after....) to figure out what other types of things interest you and keep your skills fresh Doing EM shifts will only keep your skills fresh for *EM.* It won't help you in other fields and if you end up doing something else, it will end up being a complete waste of time."

Did I mention he's a hematologist?

Anyway, I get home and there is this email from the EM sub-i coordinator saying (basically),

"You can probably have April if you want."

ACK!!

Now I feel like I've put her out for no reason, and that if I say nevermind I'll be burning political capital in the ED. Why am I changing my mind AGAIN?? (I'd previously told her I was planning on doing this when I came back from my PhD.)

And plus, I know for a fact that the Psychiatry people I meet with next week are going to insist that doing a Psych rotation NOW would be imperative to doing a PhD in the subject. Even though I have my reservations about that as well.

So.

What should I do?

I could move Rad Onc from March to April and pick up the only available Heme-Onc slot for those two months.

I could pick up a Psych elective.

I could take the EM sub-i in April.

I kind of like option one or two the best (leaning towards one). I feel so totally pulled in multiple directions though. It's more stressful than studying for the boards. At this point? I really need these advisorly meetings to stop and to get a definitive, yet accurate answer from somebody.

Addendum: I remembered something about having to have your elective selections fixed the month before they started.... so I looked it up. It turns out we have 28 days, which gave me roughly until tomorrow to make a decision! So I decided to do Heme-Onc at Pennsy for March, and Rad Onc at HUP for April. SORRY EM PEOPLE!!! I am in the process of composing that email now. What a treat.