Heathers

Heathers is one of the best teen movies of all time. It also has to be the #1 movie that would never ever get made in this century post-Columbine. I'm honestly sort of surprised Netflix carries it, given that it glorifies teenagers offing the popular kids and blowing up the school.

Ah the 90s. When it was still ok to admit you hated particular people and talk about what you wished would happen to them in public.

Made back when Christian Slater was actually hot, Shannon Doherty had not been blacklisted, and before Winona Ryder started her shoplifting habit, this movie has everything that is not ok to talk about in today's PC world of high school. Thank God I was a teenager in the 90s and not now, because I am sure I would have been expelled. Or at least sent to the child shrink. Oh wait, that happened. Oops.

Here's the warning Netflix provides to parents about Heathers:


Common Sense Note
Parents need to know that teens will probably want to see this pitch-black comedy, but it's better for those just exiting high school and up. This film goes to extremes portraying the cruelness of the popular crowd and the rebellion against it. The popular kids are murdered by poisoning and shooting and their suicide notes are forged. There are two more "real" attempted suicides, some self-mutilation, and bulimia. There's lots of gunplay by the main characters and one bloody scene. J.D. attempts to blow up the school and all its students with dynamite. Teens have sex (outdoors and at a college party) and speak crudely about it. Two boys are sexually aggressive. And there's plenty of harsh and homophobic language.

Families can talk about popularity, suicide, depression, and any number of hot-button teen subjects. High school is a high-anxiety microcosm of what awaits teenagers post-graduation. How do you deal with pressure successfully? How do you learn to make positive decisions?

Sexual Content
Lots of teenage sex (outdoors and at a college party) and crude mentions of sex: "spin her around on my Johnson like a goddamn pinwheel." Veronica is the victim of a rumor that she had oral sex with two jocks in one night. Jocks make a nerdy student say "I like to suck big dicks" outside a church. Two jocks strip down to their boxers. Veronica is forced to kiss J.D. and a college student against her will.

Violence
One poisoning where the victim falls through a glass table. Plenty of gunplay by J.D. and Veronica: at school with blanks, in the woods resulting in two deaths. J.D. and Veronica fight each other with guns, shooting off a finger; lots of blood. Dynamite is planted under bleachers of school kids at a pep rally, then strapped to and detonated by J.D. Teen suicide is a huge focus and faked suicides lead to real attempts by two students. J.D. admits that his mother probably committed suicide. His father blows up buildings. Veronica burns herself with a lighter on purpose. A Barbie is hung in Veronica's room as a threat and Veronica pretends to hang herself.

Language
The F word is used frequently in over-the-top expressions like "f--k me gently with a chainsaw," "f--king psychotic," "stupid f--k," "they all want me as a friend or a f--k."

Social Behavior
Extreme bad behavior is intrinsic to this dark comedy. J.D. thrives on chaos and death and drags Veronica down with him. When she starts to resist him he stalks her and threatens her. High school pecking-order stereotypes are rampant. Parents and school administrators shown as bumbling and ineffective in dealing with the "suicide epidemic." Suicide notes are forged, then circulated and revered by students and faculty. One Heather uses holy water to fix her hair at a funeral. The fake suicide pact of two male athletes is staged as a gay tryst with "gay artifacts" like mineral water and played for laughs. Cow-tipping. Kids pander to TV crews in a display of public mourning and one asks for a copy of the tape for his Princeton application. A college boy and J.D. act sexually aggressive toward Veronica. One Heather throws up lunch every day. J.D.'s dad blows up buildings and gloats about it. Girl gets laughed at for attempting suicide for real and living. Veronica does learn a lesson in the end about popularity and befriends the most laughed-at girl in school.

Consumerism
Swatch, Coke, Limited, MTV, Barbie

Drug/Alcohol/Tobacco
Veronica, J.D., Veronica's dad, and a teacher smoke. A teen smokes pot under the bleachers. High schoolers are drunk at a college party and Veronica throws up.

It made me crack up. Seriously, "F*** me gently with a chainsaw" has to be one of the most ingenious phrases of all time. And the section on discussion points for parents to address with their teen children upon seeing the movie? Oh. My. God. And not teens having SEX!!! Oh no, we can't have that!

Anyway, I just thought I'd share my amusement.