I remember the first time I ever saw my husband. I was walking over to the end of the new pool at the U of C, when I spotted him stretching his long arms above his head, getting ready to dive into the crisp blue water. He laughed as someone made a joke, and looked completely at ease on the pool deck.
I remember how sexy he was, and I assumed that he must have a girlfriend. For weeks I tried to find an opportunity to talk to him, but it didn't finally happen until months later when the pool was closed, and a group of us gathered to swim at UIC for an early morning workout.
When we spoke, we immediately clicked, understanding each others jokes and feeling at ease. I couldn't wait to see him again. It was one of those things. I just knew things were right with Luca.
I'm told that when I find my PhD mentor, I will "just know" kind of like one just knows about anything else, like for instance that one has met one's future spouse. That if I think too hard about it, I will end up choosing the wrong person. That I'll end up with a mentor-divorce, I guess.
Since I'm going to be spending a lot of time with my mentor these next 4 years, we had better be compatible. I've met a lot of different prospective candidates, some better, some worse. Some downright nightmarish to imagine. None who gave me that "soulmate" feeling. Not yet. Not really, anyway.
I've been given a deadline of September 1st to make my decision. Hopefully I'll have found someone by then. If not, then maybe I'll pick the some names of the remaining candidates out of a hat.
God.
What happens if you never get that special feeling about any of your potential mentors? Are you ultimately screwed?
I really doubt it, but it's annoying to have yet another person putting pressure on me. DECIDE DECIDE DECIDE.
Leave me alone and perhaps I'll be able to.
Dresses!
6 hours ago
4 Pearls of Wisdom:
Didn't work that way with me or anyone else much in my program. Work with someone whose work you respect and whom you can respect.
Yep. Pretty much.
Mmmmm, I certainly never felt that way about my PhD mentor. For me it was a bit different, because I had to consider whether I liked the other people in the lab, the research, whether she had money, all in addition to whether I clicked with her.
I don't think there can be any "right" decision here, unfortunately. Overall, I like my boss, she has been a good mentor and she is a good scientist. She is not a perfect fit for me, and she has flaws just like everybody else. But, I got through it, and was more or less happy. It was a good enough decision for me, and I don't regret choosing her.
People who end up being really unhappy with their choice changed mentors. I know you want to avoid having to do that, especially since you will still have your MD to finish after your PhD. But it wouldn't be the end of the world.
I don't think that you need to be worried about finding a "soulmate". I suspect that you will want a good deal of freedom with respect to your project. Find someone who will give you that freedom. Talk to other people who have worked with that person. That might be the most helpful thing to do, if you haven't been doing that already.
Good luck, and don't worry to much. There may not be one "right" decision here.
DECIDE DECIDE DECIDE
:D
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