As you all probably realize by now, pre-meds are insufferable individuals, by in large. However what I was wrong about was that somehow this would end once med school started. Afterall, we were all IN med school! What was there left to compete over!
I was so naive.
So behold, I give you an incomplete list of all the NEW things that you can compete over now that you've finally gotten into medical school. And please guys, if I've forgotten something important, feel free to add it in the comments.
Note -- Every single one of these has happened to me.
First, the obvious:
1. Who went to the "better" med school. As in, "So what that Sally got into Harvard. Everybody knows that the most compassionate primary care doctors go to [insert less prestigious school here]. Harvard people are jerks. I wouldn't have gone there if they paid me." (is attending safety school)
2. Who got the "better" residency. As in, "Shauna is such a sellout. She only went into derm for the money and the hours. She's not going to be a REAL doctor (like me). If she really cared about helping people, she'd have gone into Family Medicine (like me)." (barely passed the boards on 2nd try)
3. Grades. As in, "I got a 96 on that test, what did you get? Huh, only a 94, eh? Well, I really want to be a GOOD DOCTOR, which is why I think it's important to do well on these tests, even if this course is only pass/fail." (hasn't yet realized that patients won't care what she scored on one genetics test)
4. Studying. As in, "You were studying last night? God, you really work a lot! I can't remember the last time I cracked a book." (secretly studying in the library until 11PM on Saturday night)
5. Talking to professors after class. "God, I can't believe Marie went and asked the professor ANOTHER QUESTION. She goes up there after every single lecture. She's such a butt kisser!" (had to wait behind Marie AGAIN to ask her question)
6. The match. "Can you believe Anna had to scramble? I think she ended up in Peds. I feel so bad for her!" (felt she was competing directly with Anna for derm residency spot)
Second, social skills:
1. Niceness. "I felt bad when I was excited to read the results of the MRI to see what was going on with my patient because that would mean that a patient was suffering as I enjoyed being interested in his diagnosis." (didn't really feel bad, but thinks it's PC to say so)
2. Appropriateness. "I thought it was completely inappropriate when my co-medical student said [insert completely benign / amusing phrase here]. She is so unprofessional!" (jealous that attending laughed at co-student's joke)
3. Maturity. As in, "Since I'm a mother," or, "When I was your age," or, "You'll understand when you get to be ___."
Self-deprivation
1. Sleep. "You slept 8 hours last night??? Wow. I feel like I function optimally with 4 hours. Aren't you worried that you're going to be a failure in life since you need so much sleep?" (Slept 7 hours or more every night for the past 5 years)
2. Eating and Skinniness I. "I literally had NO TIME to eat during my Surgery rotation. I lost 5 pounds because I was working so hard. It's just not good for me." (closet anorexic, secretly pleased about her "inevitable" weight loss due to strenuous surgery rotation.)
3. Eating and Skinniness II. "Did you see what Samantha brought for lunch today? She has been losing so much weight this semester. I am so concerned about her." (jealousy masquerading as faux concern.)
4. How hard you work. "I haven't slept in 48 hours and I'm STILL going strong! My team needed me to assist on some very important surgery." (is lying)
Personal Life
1. Marital status. "If Suzie goes into Surgery, she won't be able to spend time with her husband, and that will be SO HARD on their marriage." (hasn't had a date in two years)
2. Children. "I can't believe Melissa wants to go into Surgery AND have children. Only a selfish woman would do such a thing. I firmly believe that you shouldn't have children unless you plan on spending time with them, which is why I plan to work part time once I finish my pediatrics residency." (has trust fund)
3. Infidelity. "Can you believe that Jack is going out with Sarah now? He only just broke up with Connie. Sarah is such a slut!" (wants to sleep with Jack herself)
Research
1. Papers. "You shouldn't brag about your publications. MY last paper was published in Science." (was 12th author out of 16)
2. Speed of completion of MD-PhD. "I can't believe Hans is going to finish in 6 years!" (I hope I don't end up with Hans as my senior resident.)
3. Time spent doing research. "I was in lab until 3AM last night." (playing floor hockey)
23 Pearls of Wisdom:
Hahaha, this is priceless. I guess I have something to look forward to once I (hopefully!) enter med school :/
OMDG--do you feel as though the competition and such is as rampant w/in the graduate school?
Thanks!
Not really. But also I'm not in the same spot as anyone else in my program so there's nobody to compete with really.
HAhahaha. Sadly, so true.
Doesn't end either after all these years.
Doc down the hall from me went to World Famous Ivy League School (WFILS) and actually has it on the entrance and exit of his office. And the directory downstairs. And his business cards. And letterhead.
how about fellow residents who hurry around asking their peers who actually worked all day taking care of patients details of what is happening with those patients, so they can elbow their way next to the attending on afternoon rounds and parrot what they gleaned as if it came from their own effort, whatever.
Oh god, that was absolutely awesome. So so true. I think that despite being a "laid back" physiatrist, deep down we physicians are all very competitive and I'm no exception. Except that I am now way too lazy to back it up and accomplish anything of value. (Actually, I'm pretty sure I peaked in high school.)
The sleep thing is what pisses me off most. Last year in clinical medicine small group after an exam, my arch nemesis asked me how much i slept the night before. I said 8 hours. She said, oh my god, how is that possible, i can never sleep that much before an exam because i need to study. My response?
i don't need to study late to get good grades.
B****y yes, but I thought she deserved it.
I bet it will get worse 3rd and 4th year though.
Anon -- Whoa. That sucks.
Fizzy -- Totally. Except me. I'm not competitive AT ALL. (Lies through teeth.)
C -- For me at least, things got a bit better during 3rd and 4th year. This is because in the clinics you only see the people you're on rotation with and other people you CHOOSE to see. It's a lot easier to avoid the people you want to avoid.
C: I also used to sleep a decent amount the night before exams, just because I'm not a crammer. When I would walk out of the library at 9PM, everyone would look at me like they wanted to murder me and would ask me how I could consider going to sleep so early. It got to the point where I felt self-conscious about it and would start sneaking out.
Sounds like pre-meds. I was just accepted to medical school... thanks for giving me something to look forward to haha!
Hahaha oh yes I remember these types of folk quite well back in my bio research days. Luckily I knew I was most certainly not all that and a bag of potato chips so sometimes I just egged the gossip on to pass the time more favourably as I tried to grow things on a petri dish. Good times!
This is completely epic...
I'm posting this on my Facebook page, and I don't do that terribly often
omdg- it does not stop. there are always smelly piles to climb. competitively. partners in practice. administrators who know how you should be. national meetings where you can watch your peers preen. worthless unsolicited advice= all we can do is circle the wagons and be confident and comfortable in our own life and career. the gunners who succeed are happy or not, those who stumble are sad.
Anon 3:41 -- True true. Your comment made me feel better about my life and all of the unhelpful unsolicited advice I've received over the course of my life. I'd have my husband write a version of this post for his job in corporate America, but I don't want him to get fired. I'm sure it would be even more hysterical.
Phathead -- Aw shucks, I'm flattered.
Oh my gosh - hilarious!!! So true. When I was in med school, one of my friends was snidely talking about a girl that she thought had a work out problem - "she was at the gym on the bike at midnight!" Yeah, my friend only knew about it b/c she was there that late too. The things people find to snark on... They never got to snark about me being at the gym (ever). Maybe they snarked that I should have been at the gym. Huh.
Love your blog, by the way - long time lurker here.
Reading these comments about getting adequate sleep makes me feel so much better. I feel like the black sheep in my class because I sleep a decent amount. Everybody talks about sleep deprivation before exams & stuff, but I personally do better going to bed by 11pm than I would if I stayed up 4 more hours to study and took the exam exhausted. I NEED sleep. I hope that doesn't mean I'm doomed in 3rd and 4th year.
This was a great post....but I mean....I could have done so much better.
;-) Hope the joke was obvious. I'm not terribly funny.
Oh great that doesn't sound so fun to look forward too.
Though, I do have to be honest, I don't understand why such the negative stereotype about pre-meds. The pre-meds at my university are very non-competitive. There may be one or two people that fit the stereotype, but most of them very nice, easily likable individuals.
LOVED it!
So true, so true...I was around lots of "gunner" pre-meds in undergrad. Taking a lot of the same courses, but with a different future in mind. I took great delight in scoring higher than they did on chem and bio exams. It seems I am a "natural test taker" (or so says my son) and it bummed them out no end. And my grad program was competative like that too although it wasn't medicine...who could stay in the lab the longest, etc.
I have several friends that are MDs and they all seem pretty well adjusted...family practice docs and one high risk ObGYN. All are well adjusted and minimally competitive (at least in a snarky way). I guess that is part of why I am friends with them.
In undergrad, I would get a bit depressed if I was not one of the top grades in my animal science classes...and if I did not make an A, super depressed. But I was never externally competitive...loved riding horses and diving (spring board) because I really just tried to go in and do my best rather than racing other people and chasing their success.
Vet school was a bit different....the first day the dean of students has us all in a room and he tells us that as of now, we were all in vet school together for the next 4 years and that the competition to get into school was over. Most people seemed to take this to heart.
I think I looked at my final grades maybe once or twice my whole 4 years...once to check that I passed the psychotic anatomy professor's final and once to see if I passed immunology (graded by ESL grad students so you could have the right answer but still get it graded as wrong).
Well, good for you KateA. I have a few friends who are vet students who describe a completely different version of vet school to the one you present above. The competition they describe sounds even more psychotic than anything I ever saw in med school. According to them it stems primarily from the fact that only the top 10% match directly into a residency spot, and the rest have to to internship first (or do something else entirely). Also, far to many women in one place rarely ends in sunshine and happiness. But that's just my impression. Obviously I'm a med student, so what do I really know about vet school, right?
I really wonder how selecting for this type of student ultimately ends up for patients?
These kind of competitive, high-achievers are a breed of their own, and not likely to acknowledge their own need for sleep, food, sick days...how can they possibly relate to patients who are ill?
Ok, I'm generalizing a lot here, but these type of people have a way of making me feel guilty for being sick.
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