Mentor

I was talking to a friend of mine at the dog park this evening about my mentor. As some of you may have noticed, the past year he and I..... have had some friction. It has not been 100% smooth sailing.

But.

About 3 months ago he fired his old biostatistician, and decided to hire mine instead (which was obviously a very smart thing to do because, well, she is completely amazing). And then suddenly everything changed. He seemed pleased with what I was able to bring him. He no longer acted angry at me when I told him my models were taking 3 weeks to run (I wish I was kidding). And our meetings started being a lot more pleasant.

I don't know what's changed. I mean I have theories. I know last year was really hard for his family. There was a death, and then a second baby when his first was less than two years old. He's still a junior investigator, so perhaps he was still feeling things out re: how to manage people.

My other theory is that maybe my biostatistician set him straight about the project. Because, like I said, she is awesome.

Or maybe I'm better now. We don't meet as often, so he's a lot more hands off. I think he likes that better, and I stress him out less. I don't think I've really changed anything about my personality. I still kind of say what I want to, and am a little giddy and weird at times, but that's just kind of who I am. So really, I'm not sure I changed much of what I did, besides reducing the interactions.

My friend at the dog park told me that one guy he worked with became really mean the year after his baby was born. Maybe it was sleep deprivation? Marital strife? But anyway, his point was that things that some people weather just fine, push other people over the edge in ways you wouldn't expect. And then all of a sudden, about a year later, he was fine again. Point is, sometimes people are pushed to where they aren't really themselves. Or maybe just to where the less positive aspects of their personality are enhanced.

So I guess here we are. Things are still going well. I don't know what changed, but I think I'll take it anyway. In a way I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for things to get bad again. But hopefully -- fingers crossed -- they will keep going well.

Perhaps the next time someone totally comes out of their shoes at you, and you're left wondering what on earth you did wrong, this story will help. Because sometimes it really isn't you, it's them. Or at least maybe it's them also.