One of the things I really tried to not to do in medical school was to be jealous of other peoples' free time. I have to say it was really hard to contain myself sometimes. Particularly when you'd hear a friend with a 9-5 job and no commute who just took a two week vacation to some place lovely and expensive, complain about how much work she had. Or even better! When a friend who was a SAHM (who also had an au pair) would complain about how hard her life was, and then you'd see 30 crafting projects that were all completed in the last month along with recent vacation pictures make it on to her blog.
I have to be honest, it made me not like them very much.
When times are easier, for instance when I've had a day off in recent memory, it's a lot easier to contain my animosity. And yes I realize jealousy like this is really unattractive, and also that other people besides doctors CAN work hard and that being a mommy is a lot of work, and oh, that my hours will be worse during residency, and obviously I must not be that busy because I have time to blog, blah blah blah.
Anyway. I bring this up because yesterday I had two such conversations that made me want to throttle the respective people. The first was with a professor at school. He was worried about the hurricane and his new beach house, where it turns out, he's been spending every weekend -- THURSDAY THROUGH MONDAY THE ENTIRE SUMMER. I asked him if he did work out there, and his response was, "Sometimes I do on Fridays."
Grrrr.
And then I was talking to one of my neighbors who is a PhD student, who took 3 weeks to go to Italy this winter, took a 2 week vacation to the Caribbean this spring and again two weeks ago and ALSO went to Canada to go camping for a week. He just got back literally a week ago, and he was saying how tired he was and how hard it was to make himself to any work. It was 2PM and he'd spent the day napping he told me. Oh and then when I suggested dog school for his new puppy that he was complaining about, he told me he didn't have time to take her.
Are you kidding me????
Normally innocuous bitching like this I'm able to let roll off my back. I know it doesn't mean anything and that people just like to complain, and it's totally possible to feel exhausted and overwhelmed for no good reason. However, since I've not had a day off for the past two months, have had exactly one week of vacation since December where I worked every day that I was there, and I just finished my qualifying exams, and oh! Might not be able to go to Italy because of Luca's work?? My tolerance for it was really low yesterday. I was already in a bad mood, and hearing this was NOT helping. I was able to contain myself from saying something sarcastic, but just barely.
After talking to him I spent the rest of the afternoon watching tv and feeling pissy. So there. I not only got no work done, but I also had a shitty afternoon as well and got to feel like a lazy-ass.
I could really use a day off's all I have to say.
So yesterday I downloaded some books from Amazon onto Luca's kindle. Do you realize I haven't read anything for pleasure in over a year? I told myself they're for the plane, but I read for about an hour last night anyway. I think maybe if I relax a little and try to do something non-work related for a few hours, it will make buckling down to finish this paper a little easier. At least I can hope.
10 Pearls of Wisdom:
There was this kid on my daughter's daycare whose mom was a SAHM (they had a younger daughter) and the dad was some sort of scientist. In addition to having the money to send the older kid to an expensive daycare when the mom was home all day, they would take the entire winter to spend in South American. I really hated them.
I think that rating busyness is like any of the pain scales. Someone who has had a bilateral lung transplant will rate the pain of a broken toe much lower than someone who has never had more than an infected hangnail. People who've never really pushed their schedule to the limits will feel busy when they have more than one appt/task on the same day. It's easy to hate people who are so obliviously privileged.
Kate -- I think your comparison to pain scales is really apt. Though, I just wanted to clarify that I definitely don't hate these people! I really like them! I just am jealous of their free time, and I wish that they appreciated how good they had it.
I totally get this. The thing I try to remember is that I used to get tired and feel like I didn't have enough time for everything when I was working 35 hours a week (how I miss those days!), so tired/overwhelmed is not the exclusive domain of doctors. It's just the magnitude of tired/overwhelmed that is so much greater in medicine than it is in many other fields. I hope you find a way to make the trip to Italy work, or at least get some good-quality vacation time (work-free) in the near future.
SD -- I had a 35 hour a week job when I was doing my post-bac, and I look back on those days and all my free time with such fondness! And you're so right, it was easy to feel exhausted and overwhelmed then as well too. I really should be grateful at all the free time I have now. My schedule is a lot easier now that I'm in PhD-land than it was when I was doing med school.
I can totally relate to how you feel. It's hard to believe I actually thought I had no free time when I worked an 8-5 with weekends off. Med school really puts things in perspective, doesn't it? For the first two years of school I was under the illusion that it would get better at some point. Now I am not so sure that is true. It seems to be getting worse. Oh, and the SAHMs who complain about being so busy drive me up the wall.
You're really tolerant! I would really, really hate a SAHM who complained about her life when she had the time AND money to go on vacation, do artsy craftsy things, and then complain about it at the end...Especially when I grew up knowing my mom worked full time and came home to cook every night.
Sorry, you are not a SAHM if you child is at daycare/school all day. One of my wife's friends complains all the time about all the running around she has to do an party planning. Sorry, that is your job as a parent, working or not. My wife (a staff RN who works three 12's per week) couldn't believe what she was hearing.
Hi, I'm a bew visitor to the blog - stumbled upon it accidentally.
I'm in the midst of deciding whether I want to pursue medicine and I have to say, stuff like this is really turning me off...Medicine is a passion, but I also want to have some semblance of a life.. Sigh....
Khalida -- Well, better to find out now rather than once you're already in medical school. I'm told it gets better once your an attending. Think 50-60 hours a week if you choose a non-surgical specialty. Some people still choose to work more, and some people are able to work less. It's a very flexible career. I also have to say though that most careers that lead to things like security and a high salary require you to sweat a little blood. That's just the nature of life.
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