After a meeting today, we were all getting up to leave, and the attendees for the next meeting started filing in. One of them congratulated one of the fellows on her new baby. The fellow said thanks.
And then....
"So, did you go NATURAL?"
WTF??
Since when is it ok to ask a woman the details of how she gave birth? I would NEVER ask someone I wasn't really really good friends with whether they had a c-section even, let alone what kind of pain control they used.
And let me make one thing clear, these women WORKED together. In fact, I think the person who asked was a subordinate of the fellow, though not another doctor.
I don't know exactly how I would have responded. Fortunately, the fellow had "gone natural" and could say that (because God knows that's the superior way to give birth). But still, I felt that the question was completely inappropriate.
I think the correct response is this: That is none of your business, you nosy bitch. WHO are you, again, and what gives you the right to ask me prying questions about my medical history?
It's just too bad that nobody has the balls to actually say that.
12 Pearls of Wisdom:
I feel like in general people are pretty nosy when it comes to what they'll ask about childbirth and pregnancy... one of my friends told me that every time she went out in public, total strangers would attempt to touch her belly or even worse, once she had the kid, ask when number 2 was coming along.
Oh, goodness. I'd probably make up lies to deflect this inappropriateness and make her feel awkward. Like, "Why yes, I DID go natural! In fact, I had a home birth in my bathtub at home. EXCEPT...you know I couldn't clean beforehand, so things were questionably dirty. I think it was OK, though, because God knows that once that AFTERBIRTH comes, you don't care about a little mildew." Then, "Oh, sorry. That was probably TMI, but I figured you were a doctor and could handle it..."
People are outrageous! And no, I'm not knocking home births...I would just try and throw in gruesome information to punish her for her rudeness. "I mean, GEEZ, I'm STILL bleeding SO MUCH and it's been two weeks! Good thing I stole some industrial grade post-partum diapers from the hospital. WANT TO SEE?"
:)
Why would you want to picture that, let alone ask a work colleague?
We handle things pregnancy & birth-related in such a dysfunctional way in our society, that people completely lose their good-sense filters (if they had one in the first place) when talking to women about the subjects.
I am a professional childbirth educator and I think it is NEVER appropriate to ask a woman who is not very a good friend about her birth experience.
RS -- Totally. I was thinking about talking about how the fecal incontinence that resulted from the 4th degree tear was going. And how without that epidural, she felt it all.
C+Larissa -- Totally. I feel I've been very fortunate in this department thus far in my pregnancy. Not too many belly pats from strangers. Mostly just inquiries about how I'm feeling, which is fine.
IANH -- Which is why there will be no med students attending my kid's birth.
One of my friends had really wanted to have a vaginal delivery, but ended up "choosing" a C-section when she found out her son was breech and read that there are significantly better outcomes for breech babies delivered by C-section. After her delivery, she was in a coffee shop when a woman whom she had never met approached her to ask about her "birth experience". When she explained that she'd had a C-section, the woman was horrified and said how disappointed she was about my friend's "choice". You know, because choosing to reduce the risk of stillbirth and birth trauma is a really bad thing for a mother to do.
I hate how self-righteous some people can be when it comes to birth. Having delivered many babies, I personally would want to be one of the happy looking women with the epidural...and I wouldn't want any woman telling me that I was "less of a woman" or "depriving myself of a birth experience" because of it.
Why is everyone here assuming that the level of asking/sharing here between these two womwn was unwelcome? I work with plenty of women, and while we don't necessarily interact with eachother outside of the office, we still work together every day from 8-5, including lunches together and bonding through shared projects. I often spend more waking hours with my officemates than I do with my husband. I didn't mind discussing details about my birth plans with some of these women prior to giving birth (including my boss, also a woman), because they are women I trust. There might have been some small talk you weren't present for between the fellow and the subordinate regarding the fellow's plans for the birth.
Not every woman maintains a complete veil of secrecy between work life and private life.
As an intensely private person with two children, my first response would have been, "Goodness, gracious, why do you ask?" and my follow up would have been, "I was totally delighted to hold my beautiful baby for the first time. Now I understand what love-at-first-sight really means!" and smiled very graciously at their dumbfounded embarrassment, as I turned and walked away.
You don't have to answer any questions you don't want to. You don't owe anyone an oral defense on this. Change the subject, say something you WANT to say, and exit.
I dont think its such a big deal, really.
SD -- Some people are really unbelievable.
Carin and Hyperion -- The fellow handled it very graciously, and it is possible that they'd discussed it before. I was reflecting on what my OWN reaction would have been. Plus, she asked the question in front of a bunch of strangers whom she did NOT know. Perhaps the fellow was fine with that. Again, I would not have been.
And what exactly does that mean, "natural"? Vaginal? Un-medicated? Yes, I am friends with many of my co-workers, and I HAVE discussed my pregnancy/childbirth with them, but privately---not at a meeting. Not only may there be people around that I don't want to tell these details to---I'm certain they don't want to know them either!!
Ana -- Totally. I have discussed all of this with my close friends, even some people at school! But yeah, not so much in front of a bunch of strangers, or GOD FORBID my (male) PI. There is no need for him to have any thoughts of my vagina anywhere in the vicinity of his brain.
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