When I got married to Luca a little over 4 years ago, one of the PhD students in the Epi department made some comment about how we were (obviously) going to merge finances. I was kind of put out by the comment. What we do with our money is none of his business, and quite frankly he was rude to bring it up at all, and ever ruder to prescribe to me that we *should* merge.
On the other hand, I wasn't all that surprised since he also (often) told me about his sexual exploits with 25 year old women (he was in his late 30s). His comments had long since ceased to shock me.
(He also told me that my marriage was going to fail because we didn't merge finances.... but I digress.)
At any rate, we didn't merge our finances when we got married. Well, I should clarify. We merged a couple of things to appease the green card people. But currently our merged checking account has less than $200 in it, and we almost never use it. In our heads all the $ is in one big pot. But in reality it is not. I bring this up because there is a series on Slate about how couples manage their money that came out this morning, and I was surprised to find that we are in the minority.
I was also surprised to find out that people still argue over how much money the wife spends on the hairdresser. What is this, the 1950s?
Anyhow, we don't really ever fight about money either. Never fear, relationship enviers, we definitely fight over other things. I think this is partly because we don't have kids and aren't financially strapped at the moment. But also, it's because neither of us like to spend money (we're both hoarders). This is in stark contrast to the boat anchor that I dated prior to Luca. He assumed without asking that everything I had was his, which must have been very convenient for him since he brought almost nothing to the table himself. And he was constantly telling me what a selfish jerk I was for desiring something like a designated parking spot for my car (in downtown Chicago), when he wanted a $2000 bicycle. He was not a saver. At all.
That relationship falls into the "live and learn" category I guess. So does the guy I dated in college who had the bill collector on his ass. And this is the first and last time I will ever blog about either of those characters.
Anyway, I guess the point of this post is to say, wow -- I can't believe people still fight about the hairdresser. And also, if and when you get married, find someone who has the same attitudes about money that you have, and you will be much much happier. And also, I love slate.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Intern
I was talking to my friend the intern a few weeks back. She was complaining about a med student on her service who followed her around, listened to her talk to the patients, and then made a photocopy of her note to present on rounds.
He literally did no work of his own. He just took what she'd already done and presented it with no additional thought or input as his own thoughts.
This made my friend understandably incensed.
It made me think back to my med 200 rotation almost three (3!) years ago. I remember trying really hard to get better at doing patient interviews and coming up with my own differentials. The intern I worked with was completely amenable to this since I didn't get in his way, I talked to patients on my own, and wrote his progress notes for him. I tried really hard to just use his note as a crib sheet to check my work once I had already tried myself.
However despite my best efforts, I did a lot of things wrong. I'd forget to ask my patient some really obvious question, or leave something important off my differential. You know, the kinds of things that med students who are learning do all of the time. I thought I was doing ok, and that I improved steadily over the course of the month. My presentations got tighter, and I got more things right the first time.
The other med student, by contrast, managed to look perfect from the get-go. I was really impressed with her. I mean sheesh! How did she know all of this stuff already? It was as though she had emerged from her mother's uterus with Kochar's Concise Book of Clinical Medicine already tatooed on her brain.
Needless to say, the attending loved her. And hated me. And made no bones about ostentatiously comparing the two of us during rounds. "Oh Margaret," she would effuse, "That was so wonderfully interesting." And to me when I presented a recent JAMA article I'd found on Endocrinopathies in patients post-Sub-arachnoid hemorrhage that directly related to my specific patient, she waved her hand dismissively and told me, "You just got lucky."
And then one day we switched interns.
And I discovered that Margaret's intern wanted me to follow him at all times, and to listen to HIM conduct the patient interview. He wanted me to remain completely silent. And then he wrote the admission note. When he was done, he gave it to me to photocopy for myself.
Now, I'm not going to say that Margaret was actually incompetent. She still did well when she actually had to do some work herself too. But the difference was noticeable. By that point it didn't matter though, since it was the last day of the rotation and all the attendings thought she walked on water.
Anyway, I guess I can take solace in the fact that I learned a lot on that rotation. Still, whenever I see that attending or that intern I get a bitter taste in my mouth. It all just seemed so unfair at the time. I'm hoping that when I go back to the hospital I'll be able to let bullshit like this go and just concentrate on re-learning how to be competent.
He literally did no work of his own. He just took what she'd already done and presented it with no additional thought or input as his own thoughts.
This made my friend understandably incensed.
It made me think back to my med 200 rotation almost three (3!) years ago. I remember trying really hard to get better at doing patient interviews and coming up with my own differentials. The intern I worked with was completely amenable to this since I didn't get in his way, I talked to patients on my own, and wrote his progress notes for him. I tried really hard to just use his note as a crib sheet to check my work once I had already tried myself.
However despite my best efforts, I did a lot of things wrong. I'd forget to ask my patient some really obvious question, or leave something important off my differential. You know, the kinds of things that med students who are learning do all of the time. I thought I was doing ok, and that I improved steadily over the course of the month. My presentations got tighter, and I got more things right the first time.
The other med student, by contrast, managed to look perfect from the get-go. I was really impressed with her. I mean sheesh! How did she know all of this stuff already? It was as though she had emerged from her mother's uterus with Kochar's Concise Book of Clinical Medicine already tatooed on her brain.
Needless to say, the attending loved her. And hated me. And made no bones about ostentatiously comparing the two of us during rounds. "Oh Margaret," she would effuse, "That was so wonderfully interesting." And to me when I presented a recent JAMA article I'd found on Endocrinopathies in patients post-Sub-arachnoid hemorrhage that directly related to my specific patient, she waved her hand dismissively and told me, "You just got lucky."
And then one day we switched interns.
And I discovered that Margaret's intern wanted me to follow him at all times, and to listen to HIM conduct the patient interview. He wanted me to remain completely silent. And then he wrote the admission note. When he was done, he gave it to me to photocopy for myself.
Now, I'm not going to say that Margaret was actually incompetent. She still did well when she actually had to do some work herself too. But the difference was noticeable. By that point it didn't matter though, since it was the last day of the rotation and all the attendings thought she walked on water.
Anyway, I guess I can take solace in the fact that I learned a lot on that rotation. Still, whenever I see that attending or that intern I get a bitter taste in my mouth. It all just seemed so unfair at the time. I'm hoping that when I go back to the hospital I'll be able to let bullshit like this go and just concentrate on re-learning how to be competent.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Huh.
You never know where really good advice is going to come from.
Yesterday, I was sitting in my Outcomes Research class, and as class was wrapping up, one of the students from the Master's program, who I've talked to several times in the past came up to me and asked me for a favor.
Somehow we got to talking about age and our careers, and how it seems like we're never going to be finished. In her case, she did her medical training abroad, and then had to repeat EVERYTHING when she came to the US. In my case, I just started later than most.
In any event, she said something along the lines of, "You're interested in critical care, right?"
And I said, "I think so, but it's hard to say since I haven't done much actual critical care yet as a med student. But I really don't like outpatient medicine very much."
And she said, "Well, then it's obvious. You should do internal medicine. Then when your done with residency, you can get a job as an instructor, and apply for grants then, since you'll already have completed your research training."
And I thought about it, and she's right. I could totally do that. Most of the fellows in the Master's program are taking all of these classes because they've never had any research training before. I totally don't want to have to do that again. It would be a complete waste of my time.
The thing is, after the fellows get the research training, THEN they get jobs as instructors so that they can apply for grants and the like to support themselves as researchers. This takes 1-2 more years after fellowship before they take their first real job.
In fact come to think of it, my mentor, who also has an MD-PhD, did a Pulm-Crit Care fellowship, but spent the last 2/3 of it applying for his K award and a bunch of R01s. He took a class here and there, but that was it.
I did a bit of math in my head.
So, if I have 3.5 years left of this program.
Plus 3 year of internal medicine residency.
Equals 6.5 years until I get an instructor position and I can really start my research career for real.
And you know? 6.5 years is a heck of a lot more manageable sounding than 10 years.
I suppose if I did something like specialize.... in Neurology or in some IM specialty (ID? Cards? Pulm Crit Care?) I would have 1 extra year of clinical work before I started applying for grants, which is really not all that bad.
And this is all assuming that I don't fast track in internal medicine residency. That would mean only two years of residency before fellowship, and 5.5 years until my first "real" research job where I apply for a K award.
Considering I've already done.... 8 years of this so far if you count my post-bac, 5.5 - 7.5 doesn't seem so bad, really. I'm more than 1/2 done.
Wow.
Thank you for making my day, Master's student!
You never know where the good advice is going to come from sometimes.
Yesterday, I was sitting in my Outcomes Research class, and as class was wrapping up, one of the students from the Master's program, who I've talked to several times in the past came up to me and asked me for a favor.
Somehow we got to talking about age and our careers, and how it seems like we're never going to be finished. In her case, she did her medical training abroad, and then had to repeat EVERYTHING when she came to the US. In my case, I just started later than most.
In any event, she said something along the lines of, "You're interested in critical care, right?"
And I said, "I think so, but it's hard to say since I haven't done much actual critical care yet as a med student. But I really don't like outpatient medicine very much."
And she said, "Well, then it's obvious. You should do internal medicine. Then when your done with residency, you can get a job as an instructor, and apply for grants then, since you'll already have completed your research training."
And I thought about it, and she's right. I could totally do that. Most of the fellows in the Master's program are taking all of these classes because they've never had any research training before. I totally don't want to have to do that again. It would be a complete waste of my time.
The thing is, after the fellows get the research training, THEN they get jobs as instructors so that they can apply for grants and the like to support themselves as researchers. This takes 1-2 more years after fellowship before they take their first real job.
In fact come to think of it, my mentor, who also has an MD-PhD, did a Pulm-Crit Care fellowship, but spent the last 2/3 of it applying for his K award and a bunch of R01s. He took a class here and there, but that was it.
I did a bit of math in my head.
So, if I have 3.5 years left of this program.
Plus 3 year of internal medicine residency.
Equals 6.5 years until I get an instructor position and I can really start my research career for real.
And you know? 6.5 years is a heck of a lot more manageable sounding than 10 years.
I suppose if I did something like specialize.... in Neurology or in some IM specialty (ID? Cards? Pulm Crit Care?) I would have 1 extra year of clinical work before I started applying for grants, which is really not all that bad.
And this is all assuming that I don't fast track in internal medicine residency. That would mean only two years of residency before fellowship, and 5.5 years until my first "real" research job where I apply for a K award.
Considering I've already done.... 8 years of this so far if you count my post-bac, 5.5 - 7.5 doesn't seem so bad, really. I'm more than 1/2 done.
Wow.
Thank you for making my day, Master's student!
You never know where the good advice is going to come from sometimes.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Living the life
Fizzy's recent posts, along with the doom and gloom about residency that I've been hearing from friends from all directions have made me conclude the following:
If I am not living it up during my PhD, than I am blowing my one chance EVER to live it up.
And by "live it up" I mean, not feeling guilty about sleeping until 8.
About going to bed at 11 -- and yes -- getting a REGULAR 9 HOURS OF SLEEP EVERY SINGLE NIGHT I CAN.
About reading a book for fun (not like this has actually happened yet).
Catching up on movies I missed while I was in med school.
Enjoying what I'm researching.
Thinking about things I learn in class, and all the cool projects I could do related to them.
Taking the dog for long walks, and doing agility with her.
Going swimming in the pool.
Working out 5 times per week if I want to.
Planning to grow things in the garden, and maybe actually planting something.
Chatting with my neighbors.
Making new friends.
This weekend, Luca and I have plans for 3 nights this weekend. I can't remember the last time we've been that wild. THREE. I'll probably work both Saturday and Sunday, but I get to go do things with people I like THREE TIMES.
I figure I might as well take advantage of doing things I enjoy now. Because once residency starts 3.5 years from now (approximately), god knows when I'm going to ever be able to do anything like that again.
If I am not living it up during my PhD, than I am blowing my one chance EVER to live it up.
And by "live it up" I mean, not feeling guilty about sleeping until 8.
About going to bed at 11 -- and yes -- getting a REGULAR 9 HOURS OF SLEEP EVERY SINGLE NIGHT I CAN.
About reading a book for fun (not like this has actually happened yet).
Catching up on movies I missed while I was in med school.
Enjoying what I'm researching.
Thinking about things I learn in class, and all the cool projects I could do related to them.
Taking the dog for long walks, and doing agility with her.
Going swimming in the pool.
Working out 5 times per week if I want to.
Planning to grow things in the garden, and maybe actually planting something.
Chatting with my neighbors.
Making new friends.
This weekend, Luca and I have plans for 3 nights this weekend. I can't remember the last time we've been that wild. THREE. I'll probably work both Saturday and Sunday, but I get to go do things with people I like THREE TIMES.
I figure I might as well take advantage of doing things I enjoy now. Because once residency starts 3.5 years from now (approximately), god knows when I'm going to ever be able to do anything like that again.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Agility
Miss Boo was a very good girl at agility class last night. We learned some basic handling skills, that were really helpful. When properly employed they actually worked! The Boo even stopped knocking down jumps. And she did the sequence of obstacles that was set up better than any of the other dogs (most important of all, haha), and only ran away to socialize when she was done once!
(For her this is pretty impressive.)
We also found out that Boo needs to be jumping 22 inches, which is a lot higher than we thought. As long as she remembers to go OVER the jump, and not under it, we are ok with that. She seems to like hurling herself through the air.
This week we're supposed to start practicing sending her to a jump from afar, mostly using our body's motion, but a little bit with a hand gesture. It's amazing how much the dogs pick up about how we move, and how quickly they figure out where we want them to go.
This is what we're going for (except imagine a ferocious pit bull instead of a boarder collie):
Pretty hard to believe that a year ago the Boo barely knew "sit"!
(For her this is pretty impressive.)
We also found out that Boo needs to be jumping 22 inches, which is a lot higher than we thought. As long as she remembers to go OVER the jump, and not under it, we are ok with that. She seems to like hurling herself through the air.
This week we're supposed to start practicing sending her to a jump from afar, mostly using our body's motion, but a little bit with a hand gesture. It's amazing how much the dogs pick up about how we move, and how quickly they figure out where we want them to go.
This is what we're going for (except imagine a ferocious pit bull instead of a boarder collie):
Pretty hard to believe that a year ago the Boo barely knew "sit"!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
If ever there was proof that the government doesn't care about you if you are poor
What caught the attention of the feds was illegal Oxcodone prescriptions? Not the women who were harmed or killed at this clinic.
I think that's what makes me the most sad about this clinic. There were scores of complaints, and people have known about the problems with this clinic for literally decades. Yet nobody did a thing about it.
And to think this was all taking place 100 yards from where I did my Medicine rotation.
I think that's what makes me the most sad about this clinic. There were scores of complaints, and people have known about the problems with this clinic for literally decades. Yet nobody did a thing about it.
And to think this was all taking place 100 yards from where I did my Medicine rotation.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Crying
When I was growing up, my mom often told me that things would have been so much easier if I'd been one of those girls who could cry on demand. Not so much to grub for grades, which is how this skill is often employed, but for all of those times when I got into trouble.
I'm not really sure it would have helped, but maybe it would have.
*Shrugs*
In a completely different vein, I've noticed that I cry so much more easily during movies. Now, of course I cry during actually sad scenes like at the beginning of Up. If you don't cry then, I wonder if you actually have a soul.
But often now it happens during not-sad scenes. For instance, a few weeks ago I cried during the climax scene of How to Train Your Dragon when the kids are flying to the dragon's nest. Don't ask me why. It's not like it was sad. The first time I actually shed tears like this was in a theater watching Little Miss Sunshine watching the strip scene at the end. Also: Not. Sad.
It's kind of embarrassing. This sort of thing never would have happened to me 10 years ago. It's just a matter of time before everyone realizes that I'm not actually tough as nails. Dammit.
Am I the only person who has this problem?
I'm not really sure it would have helped, but maybe it would have.
*Shrugs*
In a completely different vein, I've noticed that I cry so much more easily during movies. Now, of course I cry during actually sad scenes like at the beginning of Up. If you don't cry then, I wonder if you actually have a soul.
But often now it happens during not-sad scenes. For instance, a few weeks ago I cried during the climax scene of How to Train Your Dragon when the kids are flying to the dragon's nest. Don't ask me why. It's not like it was sad. The first time I actually shed tears like this was in a theater watching Little Miss Sunshine watching the strip scene at the end. Also: Not. Sad.
It's kind of embarrassing. This sort of thing never would have happened to me 10 years ago. It's just a matter of time before everyone realizes that I'm not actually tough as nails. Dammit.
Am I the only person who has this problem?
Friday, January 21, 2011
Competition
Thanks for all your helpful suggestions yesterday to my glum post. I think the most helpful thing anyone said was to remember that ultimately I'm doing this PhD thing for myself, and that I want the education for its own sake rather than for some tangible end goal. I know this is an unpopular way to look at higher education (all anyone cares about these days is whether education will produce some tangible ability to make more money), but for me it works.
I've always been a little impractical like that.
I have to say though, I disagree about not being competitive with other people. Competing can be a powerful motivator. If you're focused only on yourself, you may find that when you get out into the world, you actually have no idea what you're doing. Competing with others, seeing what they're doing that you could be doing better, using the achievements of others to benchmark yourself, are all really powerful paths to self improvement.
Of course, this is not to say you should OUTWARDLY compete with other people. There are few people more annoying than the person who loudly broadcasts his/her scores on exams, or who lists the accomplishments on his/her CV to anyone who will listen. There's one person who I work near who has been doing this a lot lately. On one hand I guess I should feel flattered that this person wants to compete with me. On the other? STFU. Nobody cares.
So anyway guys, thanks. I feel a lot better today. I just have to remember that I am getting this training because I love it (it really is true) and that in the end I will have a job that I love and that will pay the bills. It just might be a bit different than I envisioned it when I started this path.
I've always been a little impractical like that.
I have to say though, I disagree about not being competitive with other people. Competing can be a powerful motivator. If you're focused only on yourself, you may find that when you get out into the world, you actually have no idea what you're doing. Competing with others, seeing what they're doing that you could be doing better, using the achievements of others to benchmark yourself, are all really powerful paths to self improvement.
Of course, this is not to say you should OUTWARDLY compete with other people. There are few people more annoying than the person who loudly broadcasts his/her scores on exams, or who lists the accomplishments on his/her CV to anyone who will listen. There's one person who I work near who has been doing this a lot lately. On one hand I guess I should feel flattered that this person wants to compete with me. On the other? STFU. Nobody cares.
So anyway guys, thanks. I feel a lot better today. I just have to remember that I am getting this training because I love it (it really is true) and that in the end I will have a job that I love and that will pay the bills. It just might be a bit different than I envisioned it when I started this path.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Depressing Thoughts
ABB had a post yesterday about how her classmates were making her feel like a slacker.
I have to say, I completely understand where she's coming from. Ever since the failure panel, I've felt like I am just not working hard enough. That I have too much to do. That I will never be able to get everything done. I think it was hearing the panelists tell us that they had never had a single setback. That you *couldn't* have a single setback and still have a successful career in academics. That they all essentially had worked constantly from the time they were 18 years old until now -- age 40 or 50 -- and that there was no end in sight.
I've been thinking about this. Why am I putting myself through all of this so that I can fail at some point down the road? Of course there are alternative careers out there besides academics, though people in academics make it seem like there is NOTHING else. Technically in the minds of most academics, my husband is a "failure" since the project he worked on during his post-doc was really difficult and moved very slowly, and he only published 3 papers during that time. He ended up in industry as a result, where he is really happy, and he thanks god every day that he doesn't have to be beholden to the NIH for his livelihood. But still. Sobering. Who's to say this couldn't happen to anyone?
I guess I have to keep in mind that the end goal is an interesting job that pays the bills. The end goal doesn't have to be academics.
Still, I feel like I should be doing more.
Luca said the other day that he got a swift kick to the face when he discovered that one of his work colleagues had been going to law school full time in the evenings for the past 3 years. He had thought the guy was a bit of a slacker since he always cut out by 5PM. Ah well.
I also found out that a classmate of mine was off applying to some sort of fellowship. I give this person advice all the time about how to navigate our department, and she never once told a sole that she was applying to this. It made me think a couple of things.
1) Do I need to be out there looking for fellowships?
2) How would I even know to do that? Where does one begin to look? How would I find the time to apply?
and finally (and most depressingly),
3) Do I need to stop telling my classmates how to navigate the department so that I can have a competitive advantage over them? 'Cause it sounds like I may need it.
It feels really unfair that as the first Epi MD-PhD at my school, I get to be the trailblazer in this department, have to fight all these uphill battles and get to be the one to do things first, get to be the one who is labeled "difficult" because I say something about how things aren't working. And then the people who come after me get to benefit from everything I've done, and my advice. And then they surpass me.
It's enough to make me feel sick to my stomach.
It really makes me want to say, Fuck it.
I have to say, I completely understand where she's coming from. Ever since the failure panel, I've felt like I am just not working hard enough. That I have too much to do. That I will never be able to get everything done. I think it was hearing the panelists tell us that they had never had a single setback. That you *couldn't* have a single setback and still have a successful career in academics. That they all essentially had worked constantly from the time they were 18 years old until now -- age 40 or 50 -- and that there was no end in sight.
I've been thinking about this. Why am I putting myself through all of this so that I can fail at some point down the road? Of course there are alternative careers out there besides academics, though people in academics make it seem like there is NOTHING else. Technically in the minds of most academics, my husband is a "failure" since the project he worked on during his post-doc was really difficult and moved very slowly, and he only published 3 papers during that time. He ended up in industry as a result, where he is really happy, and he thanks god every day that he doesn't have to be beholden to the NIH for his livelihood. But still. Sobering. Who's to say this couldn't happen to anyone?
I guess I have to keep in mind that the end goal is an interesting job that pays the bills. The end goal doesn't have to be academics.
Still, I feel like I should be doing more.
Luca said the other day that he got a swift kick to the face when he discovered that one of his work colleagues had been going to law school full time in the evenings for the past 3 years. He had thought the guy was a bit of a slacker since he always cut out by 5PM. Ah well.
I also found out that a classmate of mine was off applying to some sort of fellowship. I give this person advice all the time about how to navigate our department, and she never once told a sole that she was applying to this. It made me think a couple of things.
1) Do I need to be out there looking for fellowships?
2) How would I even know to do that? Where does one begin to look? How would I find the time to apply?
and finally (and most depressingly),
3) Do I need to stop telling my classmates how to navigate the department so that I can have a competitive advantage over them? 'Cause it sounds like I may need it.
It feels really unfair that as the first Epi MD-PhD at my school, I get to be the trailblazer in this department, have to fight all these uphill battles and get to be the one to do things first, get to be the one who is labeled "difficult" because I say something about how things aren't working. And then the people who come after me get to benefit from everything I've done, and my advice. And then they surpass me.
It's enough to make me feel sick to my stomach.
It really makes me want to say, Fuck it.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Dear dogmatic agility instructor
I heard you the first time when you suggested we bring a kong for Boo to work on during her breaks. I'm not ignoring you. It's just that Luca and I have already tried this, and it doesn't succeed in either distracting the Boo, or relaxing her. In fact, when she's around other dogs, she won't even notice the kong is there.
You would know this if you asked us rather than told us, is all I have to say.
It's not personal, at least from our end. Why do you have to make it personal on yours?
You would know this if you asked us rather than told us, is all I have to say.
It's not personal, at least from our end. Why do you have to make it personal on yours?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Poconos
Luca and I just got back from a ski weekend with some friends in the Poconos. I use the term "ski" loosely, as neither of us downhill ski at all, and we only did a bit of cross country skiing because there was barely enough snow.
Still, the cross country skiing that we did do was fun! And we went for a snow hike with the Boo the next day which was pretty tiring, but also fun. As long as you bundle her up with warm coats, Miss Boo likes the snow a lot!
The only bad thing about the weekend was that the Boo hates my friend's dog Cookie (I mean HATES as in growls snarls and lunges like a scary ferocious fighting pit bull every time they see each other), and it took a considerable amount of energy to keep them apart over the weekend. Do any of you have dog issues like that? Miss. Boo has never had this problem with any other dog, but she is completely psycho around Cookie. I don't think we're going to be able to fix this. Any suggestions other than "avoid Cookie?"
Still, it's nice to know that the Poconos are less than 2 hours away, and we can essentially go up there for a day trip any time we want. If we do that though, it might be nice to get my own pair of cross country skis.
I had a hang up about the Poconos for a long time. I think this was because I remember when I was little, I'd watch advertisements on the tv for the Poconos that would go like this:
"At beautiful Mt. Airy Lodge all you have to bring, is your love for everything."
I recall asking my parents about the Poconos*, and they told me only trashy people went there, and the subject was basically closed. I should know by now though that my parents' idea of what is "trashy" is often based on nothing. For instance, I recall my mother telling me that "only trashy people" ate Peter Pan peanut butter or drank Dr. Pepper. Even though I obviously don't think this myself, you'd be surprised at the number of people who get offended by this.
Ah well, at least now I know better.
*I think I thought they were in the Caribbean since "Pocono" sounds kind of like "Kokomo."
Still, the cross country skiing that we did do was fun! And we went for a snow hike with the Boo the next day which was pretty tiring, but also fun. As long as you bundle her up with warm coats, Miss Boo likes the snow a lot!
The only bad thing about the weekend was that the Boo hates my friend's dog Cookie (I mean HATES as in growls snarls and lunges like a scary ferocious fighting pit bull every time they see each other), and it took a considerable amount of energy to keep them apart over the weekend. Do any of you have dog issues like that? Miss. Boo has never had this problem with any other dog, but she is completely psycho around Cookie. I don't think we're going to be able to fix this. Any suggestions other than "avoid Cookie?"
Still, it's nice to know that the Poconos are less than 2 hours away, and we can essentially go up there for a day trip any time we want. If we do that though, it might be nice to get my own pair of cross country skis.
I had a hang up about the Poconos for a long time. I think this was because I remember when I was little, I'd watch advertisements on the tv for the Poconos that would go like this:
"At beautiful Mt. Airy Lodge all you have to bring, is your love for everything."
I recall asking my parents about the Poconos*, and they told me only trashy people went there, and the subject was basically closed. I should know by now though that my parents' idea of what is "trashy" is often based on nothing. For instance, I recall my mother telling me that "only trashy people" ate Peter Pan peanut butter or drank Dr. Pepper. Even though I obviously don't think this myself, you'd be surprised at the number of people who get offended by this.
Ah well, at least now I know better.
*I think I thought they were in the Caribbean since "Pocono" sounds kind of like "Kokomo."
Friday, January 14, 2011
A's question
A few days ago, A asked this question in my comments section:
However...my problem is with my peers. Long story short, I'm doing a combined BS/MS and I'm applying to MD/PhD programs next year. My close friends and advisor are really supportive, but when other people find out I'm applying for the dual degree, it seems as though they think I'm arrogant or cocky. I can't help but feel that if I were a man, this wouldn't be the case.
It manifests itself in interesting ways. People immediately start baiting me, trying to see if I can say something arrogant (I don't mean to, but I am pretty confident in what my research and coursework is), try to get me to apologize for my goals, or they say something about how I must "really love school and am afraid of the real world". What's worse is that a lot assume more that I want to only do the degree because of the financial benefits, which...I don't.
Did you, or any of the other women experience that when even in the process of applying? I don't walk around with a sign on my forehead saying MD/PhD hopeful, but I also feel like I should be ashamed of wanting to pursue that degree, that I should be constantly saying, "No, I doubt I'll do well, but it's worth a shot" or apologizing for my ambition.
I'm sorry if this is off topic, but I was wondering if this is a common issue. My best friend, also on the same path as me, has mentioned experiencing the same, but we thought perhaps it was just us.
So let me start off by saying that it's really hard for me to opine having never interacted with you in person. While it's stereotypically true that men are rewarded for being confident and assertive, and that women are rewarded for being deferential and expressing self doubt, it's also possible to come across arrogant, cocky, and generally full-of-oneself as a woman also for reasons that have nothing to do with sexism, and everything to do with how you're acting.
How are these conversations going when people tell you you're being arrogant or cocky? Are they asking you what your plans are and you're saying cheerfully, "I'm so excited to be applying to MD-PhD programs?" Then they reply, "Well that's awfully arrogant of you. You must think you're pretty smart to be doing something like that." That would be pretty bizarre. I can't say I have too much experience with that sort of response.
What I did get sometimes was, "Why on earth are you planning on doing something like that? Don't you want to grow up and get a real job and be an adult?" It sounds like this is what some people are saying to you. At which point you can say, "In fact I DO really love school and learning. So much, in fact that, I'm investing myself in a career that requires life-long learning, even after I'm done with school." You may not realize it now, but MD-PhD is a little bit insane -- for a man OR a woman. You'll be spending 8 years in school, and THEN doing residency, and THEN doing fellowship, and THEN taking a low paying instructor job to launch your career, and THEN making less than you would as a doctor. It's a really long road with very long hours with a reasonable chance that you'll burn out/decide you want to do something else along the way/need money now. Maybe people don't ask men these questions, but they probably should.
If they make a quip about "avoiding the real world," just smile and keep your opinions to yourself. The "real world" ain't all it's cracked up to be, frankly, and I see no reason NOT to avoid it as long as possible. What is the "real world" anyway? Screaming children? A job that you hate but are locked into because you have to pay your bills? A house in the suburbs with annoying neighbors who are always in your business? Even doctors have to contend with these issues -- they just get paid better and work harder than most people.
Anyone who suggests that MD-PhD programs are a good financial investment needs a course in econ 101. You spend 4 more years in school, additional time in fellowship, and then make less money as you would as a person who just sees patients over your entire career. The 1/2 mil that you get in tuition and stipend doesn't begin to cover the difference. You could try explaining this to them, but in a nicer way than I just put it.
It's this "baiting you" part I don't really understand. How are they doing this? Why are they doing this? Do you often correct people in class or otherwise at all (or worse) in a condescending tone of voice? Do you talk openly about your grades and your accomplishments to anyone who will listen? It's ok or even desirable to tell your mentors, family, and close friends about your academic achievements, but most other people will think your are tooting your own horn excessively (and would think this if you were a man as well). It's far better to mention the achievements of another person you know -- or even better the achievements of the person you are talking to -- than to talk about yourself. People will eventually infer the rest. If you're worried you might be doing this (it's common in pre-meds) you might ask someone whose opinion you value whether you're doing this. Maybe it's more tolerated in men, but it's still unattractive.
The only other thing I could think of is that you may be dealing with some jealousy issues. I remember telling a group of what I thought were my close friends about my very first publication ever, thinking they would be happy for me. They weren't. They told me to stop bragging. I even told them in what I thought was a non-bragging, excited, way. Didn't matter. It also didn't matter that I often had to listen to them talk about themselves and their accomplishments, and expressed enthusiasm whenever they did this. In retrospect, a) they were shitty friends and b) they were very insecure -- like a lot of premeds and medical students are. When I talk with my (new) friends now, I don't get this sort of attitude at all, so perhaps some of this negativity is stemming from insecurity on the part of the people you are talking to.
And finally, don't apologize for being ambitious. If you exude excitement about your future plans, other people will be excited for you too. Don't hedge with "I doubt I'll do well, but it's worth a shot." If you want to be a physician scientist you have to go for it with all you have and believe in yourself. Say, "I'm really excited about the work I've been doing and look forward to hopefully having the opportunity to pursue my scientific interests further in an MD-PhD program." Or something a little less stuffy or rehearsed. You get the idea.
I hope this helps, and good luck!
However...my problem is with my peers. Long story short, I'm doing a combined BS/MS and I'm applying to MD/PhD programs next year. My close friends and advisor are really supportive, but when other people find out I'm applying for the dual degree, it seems as though they think I'm arrogant or cocky. I can't help but feel that if I were a man, this wouldn't be the case.
It manifests itself in interesting ways. People immediately start baiting me, trying to see if I can say something arrogant (I don't mean to, but I am pretty confident in what my research and coursework is), try to get me to apologize for my goals, or they say something about how I must "really love school and am afraid of the real world". What's worse is that a lot assume more that I want to only do the degree because of the financial benefits, which...I don't.
Did you, or any of the other women experience that when even in the process of applying? I don't walk around with a sign on my forehead saying MD/PhD hopeful, but I also feel like I should be ashamed of wanting to pursue that degree, that I should be constantly saying, "No, I doubt I'll do well, but it's worth a shot" or apologizing for my ambition.
I'm sorry if this is off topic, but I was wondering if this is a common issue. My best friend, also on the same path as me, has mentioned experiencing the same, but we thought perhaps it was just us.
So let me start off by saying that it's really hard for me to opine having never interacted with you in person. While it's stereotypically true that men are rewarded for being confident and assertive, and that women are rewarded for being deferential and expressing self doubt, it's also possible to come across arrogant, cocky, and generally full-of-oneself as a woman also for reasons that have nothing to do with sexism, and everything to do with how you're acting.
How are these conversations going when people tell you you're being arrogant or cocky? Are they asking you what your plans are and you're saying cheerfully, "I'm so excited to be applying to MD-PhD programs?" Then they reply, "Well that's awfully arrogant of you. You must think you're pretty smart to be doing something like that." That would be pretty bizarre. I can't say I have too much experience with that sort of response.
What I did get sometimes was, "Why on earth are you planning on doing something like that? Don't you want to grow up and get a real job and be an adult?" It sounds like this is what some people are saying to you. At which point you can say, "In fact I DO really love school and learning. So much, in fact that, I'm investing myself in a career that requires life-long learning, even after I'm done with school." You may not realize it now, but MD-PhD is a little bit insane -- for a man OR a woman. You'll be spending 8 years in school, and THEN doing residency, and THEN doing fellowship, and THEN taking a low paying instructor job to launch your career, and THEN making less than you would as a doctor. It's a really long road with very long hours with a reasonable chance that you'll burn out/decide you want to do something else along the way/need money now. Maybe people don't ask men these questions, but they probably should.
If they make a quip about "avoiding the real world," just smile and keep your opinions to yourself. The "real world" ain't all it's cracked up to be, frankly, and I see no reason NOT to avoid it as long as possible. What is the "real world" anyway? Screaming children? A job that you hate but are locked into because you have to pay your bills? A house in the suburbs with annoying neighbors who are always in your business? Even doctors have to contend with these issues -- they just get paid better and work harder than most people.
Anyone who suggests that MD-PhD programs are a good financial investment needs a course in econ 101. You spend 4 more years in school, additional time in fellowship, and then make less money as you would as a person who just sees patients over your entire career. The 1/2 mil that you get in tuition and stipend doesn't begin to cover the difference. You could try explaining this to them, but in a nicer way than I just put it.
It's this "baiting you" part I don't really understand. How are they doing this? Why are they doing this? Do you often correct people in class or otherwise at all (or worse) in a condescending tone of voice? Do you talk openly about your grades and your accomplishments to anyone who will listen? It's ok or even desirable to tell your mentors, family, and close friends about your academic achievements, but most other people will think your are tooting your own horn excessively (and would think this if you were a man as well). It's far better to mention the achievements of another person you know -- or even better the achievements of the person you are talking to -- than to talk about yourself. People will eventually infer the rest. If you're worried you might be doing this (it's common in pre-meds) you might ask someone whose opinion you value whether you're doing this. Maybe it's more tolerated in men, but it's still unattractive.
The only other thing I could think of is that you may be dealing with some jealousy issues. I remember telling a group of what I thought were my close friends about my very first publication ever, thinking they would be happy for me. They weren't. They told me to stop bragging. I even told them in what I thought was a non-bragging, excited, way. Didn't matter. It also didn't matter that I often had to listen to them talk about themselves and their accomplishments, and expressed enthusiasm whenever they did this. In retrospect, a) they were shitty friends and b) they were very insecure -- like a lot of premeds and medical students are. When I talk with my (new) friends now, I don't get this sort of attitude at all, so perhaps some of this negativity is stemming from insecurity on the part of the people you are talking to.
And finally, don't apologize for being ambitious. If you exude excitement about your future plans, other people will be excited for you too. Don't hedge with "I doubt I'll do well, but it's worth a shot." If you want to be a physician scientist you have to go for it with all you have and believe in yourself. Say, "I'm really excited about the work I've been doing and look forward to hopefully having the opportunity to pursue my scientific interests further in an MD-PhD program." Or something a little less stuffy or rehearsed. You get the idea.
I hope this helps, and good luck!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
New and fun ways to abuse your dog
(otherwise known as "what I learned in agility class this week.")
Here she is supposed to be "offering" the jump to me in exchange for a kibble. You can see how well we've trained her to offer "down." Eventually she got really frustrated because I wouldn't just give her the bowl, so I stopped before it became not-fun.
I know the lighting is terrible and it's out of focus. Sorry! Maybe one day I'll get a real video camera.
Here she is supposed to be "offering" the jump to me in exchange for a kibble. You can see how well we've trained her to offer "down." Eventually she got really frustrated because I wouldn't just give her the bowl, so I stopped before it became not-fun.
I know the lighting is terrible and it's out of focus. Sorry! Maybe one day I'll get a real video camera.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
One resolution
Well, I guess two now.
1) Learn how to tell people that I can't talk now because I have to work. In a nice way.
2) Work harder.
Mostly I need to do 1 to facilitate 2.
1) Learn how to tell people that I can't talk now because I have to work. In a nice way.
2) Work harder.
Mostly I need to do 1 to facilitate 2.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Failure Panel
So, tonight the Women's Physician Scientist Student Organization hosted its panel on failures. We had 4 woman faculty members, and you know what? None of them could think of any major setbacks in their careers.
This was somewhat sobering.
As they put it, they wouldn't have gotten to where they were in their careers with a major setback. Getting tenure takes a lot of talent and a lot of luck and just doesn't happen without a good dose of both.
On the other hand, all 4 of the panelists were incredibly inspirational, and represented 4 different types of woman, all of whom have been incredibly successful in their careers. All of whom are still young, and very, very successful.
So what did we learn.....
1) It pays to be assertive. If you are concerned because men in your department are making more money than you, you need to talk to your department chair. Of course this needs to be done professionally, but it needs to be done. You can't be afraid of the conflict.
2) Just say no. If you keep getting asked to fill in at clinic, or to be on more panels as the token woman, you need to learn to say no. They keep asking because you always say yes.
3) If you want a family, just have one. There is no reason to let this stand in the way of your professional life. The one woman on the panel who did not have a family said it was probably easier for her to be successful because of it, but then she doesn't have a husband or a family. There are two sides to every coin.
4) Bust your ass and do the best science you can do.
5) Be aggressive. Be confident. Be an ass kicker.
One of the panelists was from my department. (Go Epi!!) I had personally invited her, and I really felt like she contributed a lot. I look up to her in a lot of ways. In addition to doing great science, she is also a fantastic swimmer. She's also one of the very few women in my department with tenure.
I remember 4 years ago she was a teacher in a small group section I had during first year of med school. When we had our first class, she told us that she'd just had her third child and had recently come back to work. My friend leaned over and said how horrible it was that she was back at work, and that she probably just wanted to be home with her baby.
I disagreed. I said she looked like she needed a nap.
It turns out, I was right. She was happy to be back at work.
Ha.Ha.Ha.
Anyhow. I know over on some other blogs we read all the time about babies and mommies and how you can be a doctor and still spend a lot of time with your children. And how everyone always expresses how children are the most important thing ever, and that you are essentially evil if you spend time away from home to focus on your career.
I thought this panel was an excellent contrast because it showed 4 women who obviously loved their families, but who had chosen to pay for childcare and to focus on their careers rather than spend a lot of time at home with their kids. And you know what? Their children had turned out well, and they had no regrets. And they were totally unapologetic about their choices.
It's just nice to see the contrast, that's all I'm saying.
Finally, one woman was a total ass kicker. She was a bit more senior than the other women there, and was very outspoken, a little bit eccentric. She radiated charisma. Even the other panelists asked her questions about how to better manage their careers, and she provided useful advice to them as well.
She said that yes, as a woman you do have to be better than the men to succeed.
I want to be just like her.
This was somewhat sobering.
As they put it, they wouldn't have gotten to where they were in their careers with a major setback. Getting tenure takes a lot of talent and a lot of luck and just doesn't happen without a good dose of both.
On the other hand, all 4 of the panelists were incredibly inspirational, and represented 4 different types of woman, all of whom have been incredibly successful in their careers. All of whom are still young, and very, very successful.
So what did we learn.....
1) It pays to be assertive. If you are concerned because men in your department are making more money than you, you need to talk to your department chair. Of course this needs to be done professionally, but it needs to be done. You can't be afraid of the conflict.
2) Just say no. If you keep getting asked to fill in at clinic, or to be on more panels as the token woman, you need to learn to say no. They keep asking because you always say yes.
3) If you want a family, just have one. There is no reason to let this stand in the way of your professional life. The one woman on the panel who did not have a family said it was probably easier for her to be successful because of it, but then she doesn't have a husband or a family. There are two sides to every coin.
4) Bust your ass and do the best science you can do.
5) Be aggressive. Be confident. Be an ass kicker.
One of the panelists was from my department. (Go Epi!!) I had personally invited her, and I really felt like she contributed a lot. I look up to her in a lot of ways. In addition to doing great science, she is also a fantastic swimmer. She's also one of the very few women in my department with tenure.
I remember 4 years ago she was a teacher in a small group section I had during first year of med school. When we had our first class, she told us that she'd just had her third child and had recently come back to work. My friend leaned over and said how horrible it was that she was back at work, and that she probably just wanted to be home with her baby.
I disagreed. I said she looked like she needed a nap.
It turns out, I was right. She was happy to be back at work.
Ha.Ha.Ha.
Anyhow. I know over on some other blogs we read all the time about babies and mommies and how you can be a doctor and still spend a lot of time with your children. And how everyone always expresses how children are the most important thing ever, and that you are essentially evil if you spend time away from home to focus on your career.
I thought this panel was an excellent contrast because it showed 4 women who obviously loved their families, but who had chosen to pay for childcare and to focus on their careers rather than spend a lot of time at home with their kids. And you know what? Their children had turned out well, and they had no regrets. And they were totally unapologetic about their choices.
It's just nice to see the contrast, that's all I'm saying.
Finally, one woman was a total ass kicker. She was a bit more senior than the other women there, and was very outspoken, a little bit eccentric. She radiated charisma. Even the other panelists asked her questions about how to better manage their careers, and she provided useful advice to them as well.
She said that yes, as a woman you do have to be better than the men to succeed.
I want to be just like her.
The fun never ends!
Today the dog walked lost our keys somewhere in West Philadelphia.
Hey, at least she called to let us know. 8 hours after she lost them. It hadn't actually occurred to her that she'd need to get another set before Boo's walk on Thursday.
Or maybe it had, she just assumed that we'd fire her first.
Fortunately, my husband is a bit OCD and has several sets of deadbolts lying around the house. Do not ask me why, because I do not know.
He is changing the locks as we speak.
Hey, at least she called to let us know. 8 hours after she lost them. It hadn't actually occurred to her that she'd need to get another set before Boo's walk on Thursday.
Or maybe it had, she just assumed that we'd fire her first.
Fortunately, my husband is a bit OCD and has several sets of deadbolts lying around the house. Do not ask me why, because I do not know.
He is changing the locks as we speak.
It's only January and I'm already sick of winter
Ok, let me have a mild stress out here.
So last week, the meeting with my mentor went well. BUT he added a project to be done that must be completed by 3/1. Now, this would be all fine and dandy if this was a straightforward analysis, but alas, it is not. There would be 6 potential outcomes, all of which require a unique model to be built. One if not two layers of clustering. Two interactions that are our primary outcomes of interest.
Did I mention that each dataset has 300,000 records, and that to build a model -- if everything goes right -- takes 1 week per model? I can run two models at a time on my computer at work, *if* that computer is available. Except that I'm still finishing up some models from my old project on that, so it's not available right now, and won't be for another week. At least.
And of course class has started, which is time consuming. And I want to go to school so I can get some work done, but I know people will be there and want to talk. And yes I have tried headdphones, but nobody respects the headphones. They will come up and tap on your shoulder and then talk in your ear about.... NOTHING. For hours.
Which is sometimes fun, but I don't have time for this now!
And before I do anything today, I have to walk the dog.
And oh? We were going to go on a ski trip this weekend,* but we're out of anti-emetic for the dog, so I have to take her to the vet (have to anyway to get rabies shot).
And BTW -- my biostatistician has been away for 1 month, just got back today. But my class schedule conflicts with our old standing meeting and I need to reschedule. And I have SO MANY QUESTIONS that I have to ask her. And I know that we won't get to all of them, and it will cause me to be delayed even more.
We won't even get into the paper that I told my mentor would be "completed" by the beginning of the semester. See, it would have been had my computer not crashed last week mid a week-long model run, forcing me to start over. AGAIN.
And you know? Posting this has not made me feel any less stressed out. I'm going to get up off the couch and walk the dog now. And then go to school.
Look, I haven't even said anything and she's cowering next to me anyway. She can totally tell I'm a basket case today.
AND IT'S ONLY JANUARY AND I AM SO TIRED OF THE SNOW!! MAKE IT STOP!!
Ugh.
*Which was to be my Xmas vacation since I didn't take one single f-ing day off this entire holiday.
-- PS I got back from walking the dog, and I feel so much better. Another item is even almost crossed off my to-do list for the day, yay!
So last week, the meeting with my mentor went well. BUT he added a project to be done that must be completed by 3/1. Now, this would be all fine and dandy if this was a straightforward analysis, but alas, it is not. There would be 6 potential outcomes, all of which require a unique model to be built. One if not two layers of clustering. Two interactions that are our primary outcomes of interest.
Did I mention that each dataset has 300,000 records, and that to build a model -- if everything goes right -- takes 1 week per model? I can run two models at a time on my computer at work, *if* that computer is available. Except that I'm still finishing up some models from my old project on that, so it's not available right now, and won't be for another week. At least.
And of course class has started, which is time consuming. And I want to go to school so I can get some work done, but I know people will be there and want to talk. And yes I have tried headdphones, but nobody respects the headphones. They will come up and tap on your shoulder and then talk in your ear about.... NOTHING. For hours.
Which is sometimes fun, but I don't have time for this now!
And before I do anything today, I have to walk the dog.
And oh? We were going to go on a ski trip this weekend,* but we're out of anti-emetic for the dog, so I have to take her to the vet (have to anyway to get rabies shot).
And BTW -- my biostatistician has been away for 1 month, just got back today. But my class schedule conflicts with our old standing meeting and I need to reschedule. And I have SO MANY QUESTIONS that I have to ask her. And I know that we won't get to all of them, and it will cause me to be delayed even more.
We won't even get into the paper that I told my mentor would be "completed" by the beginning of the semester. See, it would have been had my computer not crashed last week mid a week-long model run, forcing me to start over. AGAIN.
And you know? Posting this has not made me feel any less stressed out. I'm going to get up off the couch and walk the dog now. And then go to school.
Look, I haven't even said anything and she's cowering next to me anyway. She can totally tell I'm a basket case today.
AND IT'S ONLY JANUARY AND I AM SO TIRED OF THE SNOW!! MAKE IT STOP!!
Ugh.
*Which was to be my Xmas vacation since I didn't take one single f-ing day off this entire holiday.
-- PS I got back from walking the dog, and I feel so much better. Another item is even almost crossed off my to-do list for the day, yay!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Saturday, January 08, 2011
I met someone really cool yesterday
At the dog park.
She's finishing up her PhD in anthro this year, having baby #2, and trying to figure out what to do with her life.
In her field, people assume that if a woman has children, she must not be serious about her career.
Isn't that awesome?
Also, there is this issue -- if she were to get a job in academics, she would most likely have to force her husband to uproot his already well established career here to move to the middle of nowhere, where the family would make no money -- all so she could *maybe* *eventually* get a tenure track job. Which would probably not pay very well either, and would probably also be in the middle of nowhere.
You want to know why women/mothers drop out of academics? It's not lack of commitment, or that their brains fell out of their vaginas when they gave birth. It's mostly financial.
Case in point, my husband's boss is a woman with 4 kids and a stay at home husband. Her husband has a PhD in History. She has a PhD in Cell Biology. Guess who has the more lucrative career? Guess who stays home?
It often just comes down to $ in the end.
The problem is when people start conflating these financial decisions that families make with a person's gender. When they start assuming that the decisions are a reflection of the person's seriousness about what they do. And that "women" -- as a group -- are less serious than men are. When hiring decisions start being made on the basis of whether the person is a woman, and whether she has kids, and NOT on the value of her work.
And that is when academics starts suffering from brain drain, as talented women leave for other careers who don't suffer from the same prejudices. That don't suffer from these prejudices as much, at any rate.
With her expertise, this woman I met could work for the state department, get a job at a consulting firm, do legal work, do international aid work. A ton of other things. Why would she want to drag her family to Arkansas to make 30K a year so she could maybe -- possibly -- get a poorly paid tenure track job down the line?
Anyway, we discussed this at great length. She may end up going the academic route anyway.... she just has to see.
I think she's completely awesome.
She's finishing up her PhD in anthro this year, having baby #2, and trying to figure out what to do with her life.
In her field, people assume that if a woman has children, she must not be serious about her career.
Isn't that awesome?
Also, there is this issue -- if she were to get a job in academics, she would most likely have to force her husband to uproot his already well established career here to move to the middle of nowhere, where the family would make no money -- all so she could *maybe* *eventually* get a tenure track job. Which would probably not pay very well either, and would probably also be in the middle of nowhere.
You want to know why women/mothers drop out of academics? It's not lack of commitment, or that their brains fell out of their vaginas when they gave birth. It's mostly financial.
Case in point, my husband's boss is a woman with 4 kids and a stay at home husband. Her husband has a PhD in History. She has a PhD in Cell Biology. Guess who has the more lucrative career? Guess who stays home?
It often just comes down to $ in the end.
The problem is when people start conflating these financial decisions that families make with a person's gender. When they start assuming that the decisions are a reflection of the person's seriousness about what they do. And that "women" -- as a group -- are less serious than men are. When hiring decisions start being made on the basis of whether the person is a woman, and whether she has kids, and NOT on the value of her work.
And that is when academics starts suffering from brain drain, as talented women leave for other careers who don't suffer from the same prejudices. That don't suffer from these prejudices as much, at any rate.
With her expertise, this woman I met could work for the state department, get a job at a consulting firm, do legal work, do international aid work. A ton of other things. Why would she want to drag her family to Arkansas to make 30K a year so she could maybe -- possibly -- get a poorly paid tenure track job down the line?
Anyway, we discussed this at great length. She may end up going the academic route anyway.... she just has to see.
I think she's completely awesome.
Friday, January 07, 2011
Meeting
Had meeting with mentor yesterday, and meeting went well!
And now I have another project to complete by March 1st.
Gah!!!
And now I have another project to complete by March 1st.
Gah!!!
New contact info
I have finally succumbed and procured a gmail address. For all of those personal questions that you don't want the whole world to see published as a comment, you can use:
OldMDGirl@gmail.com
I do not guarantee a response.
OldMDGirl@gmail.com
I do not guarantee a response.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Also
I saw Winter's Bone last night.
AWESOME, awesome movie. Completely recommend. Best movie I've seen in a really long time.
AWESOME, awesome movie. Completely recommend. Best movie I've seen in a really long time.
Maturity
First, I found out that I am going to be a failure. At least according to the New York Times.
And then I found out that one of my little-sibs* just published a book .
Damn, is right.
Maturity is when you stop viewing other people's successes as personal failings. Oops. Guess I have a ways to go on that front!
(Kidding)
(No. Seriously. KIDDING!)
I was wondering whether I should forward the book thing to my mudphud classmates so they too could feel like failures for a day. However, I don't want to be responsible for any feelings of sadness or inadequacy, so I decided to refrain.
On the plus side, I (with the help of some excellent advice from the post-doc I work with) made some major progress on my paper today.
Yay!
Maybe this means my mentor will only be minorly disappointed in me when we meet on Thursday.
*Not *literally* related to me, just a little sib in the sense that he was assigned to me as a "little brother" in my program a few years back. Not that he needs my help or anything.
And then I found out that one of my little-sibs* just published a book .
Damn, is right.
Maturity is when you stop viewing other people's successes as personal failings. Oops. Guess I have a ways to go on that front!
(Kidding)
(No. Seriously. KIDDING!)
I was wondering whether I should forward the book thing to my mudphud classmates so they too could feel like failures for a day. However, I don't want to be responsible for any feelings of sadness or inadequacy, so I decided to refrain.
On the plus side, I (with the help of some excellent advice from the post-doc I work with) made some major progress on my paper today.
Yay!
Maybe this means my mentor will only be minorly disappointed in me when we meet on Thursday.
*Not *literally* related to me, just a little sib in the sense that he was assigned to me as a "little brother" in my program a few years back. Not that he needs my help or anything.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
SOOOOO American
I recently had a conversation with a European friend of ours. It involved him riding my ass for not bothering to learn Italian.
"That is SUCH an American thing to do," he tsked.
For the record, I know Italian well enough to communicate with my in-laws who speak no English. Since I see them 2 weeks a year, I feel that my current level is more than sufficient for the time being. I get a little better each time I see them, and I am content with that. Plus, for the past 7 years, there's been this thing called "medical school" that has been hanging over my head. Oh and that pesky PhD thingy too.
Occasionally I chide Luca for being from Italy. "If only you were Spanish, it would be SO MUCH MORE USEFUL for me to learn to speak your language better!" I tease. Actually, this is what I told my friend also. Who then tried to convince me that if I learned Italian, I would also automatically know Spanish.
Mmmmm.... yeah. Not true.
So here I bask in my ignorant American bliss. Too little time to learn Italian, not enough of a problem with my family to worry about it too much.
Besides, all we do when we see them is play Scopone anyway. It's not like Italian is even useful for that. Veronese* all the way!
In this case, I'm completely ok with being an ignorant American.
*The dialect spoken in Verona.
"That is SUCH an American thing to do," he tsked.
For the record, I know Italian well enough to communicate with my in-laws who speak no English. Since I see them 2 weeks a year, I feel that my current level is more than sufficient for the time being. I get a little better each time I see them, and I am content with that. Plus, for the past 7 years, there's been this thing called "medical school" that has been hanging over my head. Oh and that pesky PhD thingy too.
Occasionally I chide Luca for being from Italy. "If only you were Spanish, it would be SO MUCH MORE USEFUL for me to learn to speak your language better!" I tease. Actually, this is what I told my friend also. Who then tried to convince me that if I learned Italian, I would also automatically know Spanish.
Mmmmm.... yeah. Not true.
So here I bask in my ignorant American bliss. Too little time to learn Italian, not enough of a problem with my family to worry about it too much.
Besides, all we do when we see them is play Scopone anyway. It's not like Italian is even useful for that. Veronese* all the way!
In this case, I'm completely ok with being an ignorant American.
*The dialect spoken in Verona.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
EM shift
I did another EM shift this week. On Thursday. I did it with a different attending than I'd worked with before, and I just have to say -- I LOVE HER. She is awesome. I want to be her.
I had a good shift last time, but was thinking that perhaps EM might not be for me after all, what with not being able to work up things like headache in an immunocompromised patient. Also, the attending was interested in teaching pathophys, but NOT as interested in teaching the work-up thought process.
This attending did both. I don't think I had this much teaching my entire year of clerkships. During clerkships, it was all pimping and taking note of my lack of knowledge. Here sometimes they ask me questions, but when I don't know I think, "Oh well, it's been 18 months," and not, "OMG this attending thinks I'm an idiot and I'm going to FAAAAAAIIIILLLLLLLL!!!!!!"
When you can relax enough to think about the thought process during a workup, and don't just order every test under then sun because you are in the ED, that is when things get really interesting and fun.
Anyway, she was amazing.
I also got to do a diagnostic paracentesis! Woohoo!! A procedure!! It didn't even freak me out!
As a side note, I wonder how many medicaid patients who are in need of organ transplantation in Arizona are moving to other states in order to obtain them. What with the discontinuation of transplant being provided to medicaid patients in that state on the basis of incorrect science in that
(Gotta love when moron politicians think they know enough to play doctor.)
I had a good shift last time, but was thinking that perhaps EM might not be for me after all, what with not being able to work up things like headache in an immunocompromised patient. Also, the attending was interested in teaching pathophys, but NOT as interested in teaching the work-up thought process.
This attending did both. I don't think I had this much teaching my entire year of clerkships. During clerkships, it was all pimping and taking note of my lack of knowledge. Here sometimes they ask me questions, but when I don't know I think, "Oh well, it's been 18 months," and not, "OMG this attending thinks I'm an idiot and I'm going to FAAAAAAIIIILLLLLLLL!!!!!!"
When you can relax enough to think about the thought process during a workup, and don't just order every test under then sun because you are in the ED, that is when things get really interesting and fun.
Anyway, she was amazing.
I also got to do a diagnostic paracentesis! Woohoo!! A procedure!! It didn't even freak me out!
As a side note, I wonder how many medicaid patients who are in need of organ transplantation in Arizona are moving to other states in order to obtain them. What with the discontinuation of transplant being provided to medicaid patients in that state on the basis of incorrect science in that
(Gotta love when moron politicians think they know enough to play doctor.)
Priorities
The following is the hierarchy of priorities for the Boo:
1. Food of any kind
2. Sleeping someplace warm, preferably under the covers in my bed
3. Going pee pee when she's already been holding it for 12 hours
In other news, she has lost 3 lbs already! She can already corner with more precision at the dog park. The rolls of fat on her shoulders have been reduced to one, and you can *almost* feel her ribs. She's looking considerably more svelte.
She is also hungry all the time. When we took her to an impromptu agility class this Wednesday night, she was the most obedient I've ever seen her.
Poor Miss Boo! What cruel doggy parents we are, starving you to death and making you work for your food!
1. Food of any kind
2. Sleeping someplace warm, preferably under the covers in my bed
3. Going pee pee when she's already been holding it for 12 hours
In other news, she has lost 3 lbs already! She can already corner with more precision at the dog park. The rolls of fat on her shoulders have been reduced to one, and you can *almost* feel her ribs. She's looking considerably more svelte.
She is also hungry all the time. When we took her to an impromptu agility class this Wednesday night, she was the most obedient I've ever seen her.
Poor Miss Boo! What cruel doggy parents we are, starving you to death and making you work for your food!
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Happy New Year!!!
In keeping with tradition, Luca and I made a nice dinner, drank some wine, watched a movie, and then went to bed by 11PM.
We had roast leg of lamb and potatoes in our new roasting pan. Turkey baster not required.
We watched How to Train Your Dragon, which was completely awesome. Even Luca liked it, though for some reason he didn't want to admit it, since it's a kid's movie.
Today I'm working on my paper. Some more. I really want to kill this thing -- at least have a draft to my PI -- by the time classes start again in a week. Cross your fingers for me!
We had roast leg of lamb and potatoes in our new roasting pan. Turkey baster not required.
We watched How to Train Your Dragon, which was completely awesome. Even Luca liked it, though for some reason he didn't want to admit it, since it's a kid's movie.
Today I'm working on my paper. Some more. I really want to kill this thing -- at least have a draft to my PI -- by the time classes start again in a week. Cross your fingers for me!
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