This morning we took the Boo for an extended walk through the farmer's market at Clark park. Miss Boo was being very well behaved. Until she saw this other dog.
The other dog was staring at her, hackles raised, and then he growl-barked and lunged at her. He was way way too close. The owner was not paying attention, as she was busy procuring some organic Amish honey or some such.
So, Miss Boo growled back with her lip curled and ears pressed back. We walked by.
Some people commented about how we needed to get our dog under control.
Then we walked 10 feet to say hi to our dog park friend Dandy the corgi, and Boo was all happy and waggy and sniffy.
Why are people so stupid? Seriously. Why would you bring your dog to a very busy place with other dogs if he's not good with other dogs? And then blame other owners for the behavior that your dog instigates?
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Here
Yesterday I found out that one of my MD-PhD compatriots in a class below me chose [myschool] in part because of reading my blog.
I thought that was kind of cool and I was really flattered, actually. I never expected my blog to have that effect, and it's really not the intent.
(The intent, in case anyone was wondering, is to be an online journal of my experiences, and to make me less crazy.)
Then it occurred to me that since my last year has been my most difficult to date that perhaps people would be turned off and decide NOT to come to my school after reading this year.
:-P
And while I don't in any way see myself as an ambassador of my program, I suppose because I AM blogging about my life on line, I become one by default.
So in any event, I thought I would list the reasons that you should choose to come here for an MD-PhD. Since I have no experience at other schools, I have no idea whether they do things better than we do, so please take these reasons with the grain of salt:
1. Getting you to finish in a timely (7-9 year) fashion is a priority of the program. You might think that this doesn't matter, that you will finish in 6 years regardless. However, I personally know people who did MD-PhDs at other institutions (*cough cough* -- my former institution) that took 11 years to graduate. ELEVEN YEARS!! That is freaking insane. And yes, he does great research now. But sheesh. At some point it really does become time to move along.
2. The MD-PhD office takes care of you. They do their best to smooth things out for you so that you end up with the career that you want. MK, our program administrator, is one of the most awesome and helpful people you will ever meet, and I have gotten fantastic advice on how to deal with everything from interpersonal conflict to choosing a medical specialty. If you're having difficulties (which actually does happen to people even though nobody admits it), they will work WITH you in a NON-BLAMING fashion to resolve the issue. They are truly on your side in a way that I have rarely felt before in my life.
3. The program is huge. There are something like 150 students. If you think you'd prefer to be in a smaller program, think again. It is so much easier to do things when other people before you have carved a path.
4. They take PhD students in non-traditional fields. There are currently students in Health Care Management (over at the business school), Epidemiology, Anthropology, and History and Sociology of Science, in addition to the usual Cell and Molecular Biology, Neuroscience, Engineering, etc. In the past they've worked with other departments as well. I think it really adds something to the program. Also, it's nice not being the only person doing a non-basic science PhD.
5. The med school is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Med school is a ton of information and can be very stressful. They do their best to minimize it, and students still learn what they need to know, and match very, very well. They instituted team exams in anatomy a few years back, and are always playing with the curriculum to make it more interesting and engaging. The surgery clerkship is incredible -- the director instituted a 6AM - 6PM M-Th schedule that emphasizes spending time in the OR over doing scut. It has made a huge difference to quality of life during the clerkship years.
6. Medical (and MD-PhD) students here are relatively happy. Yes, many of them are stressed out freaks, and there will always be a set of gunner assholes. It really isn't that bad here though. Most people are pretty nice.
7. I will stop short of recommending the school because it's in Philadelphia. Philly is ok. It's main claims to fame are that it's relatively inexpensive for being an East coast city, restaurants are very VERY cheap here, and that it is small and manageable. I liked Chicago better.... but I am obviously biased. My personal preference is for West Philly (despite the tulip destroyers and the shootings) because I like the neighborhoody feel and the big rambling houses and gardens. But (as we established long ago) I am not cool. If you are cool, you will prefer center city. Many of my friends LOVE it there.
I was talking with my prospie these past few days, who was a really lovely person. He asked me why I came here as opposed to another school, and I said because it was the only MSTP program that accepted me. Which is actually true. When I applied, I took an August MCAT (I somehow didn't realize that this would hurt me as much as it did -- but I didn't even get interviews at a lot of competing programs, and I think that may be why), and I was applying in Epidemiology, which many schools don't even offer. I applied MD-only some places, and MD-PhD others. If I had to do it over again, I would have been a lot more focused, and probably would have applied to a different set of school -- EARLIER.
(My prospie looked at me like I was the biggest, most disorganized loser on the planet when I told him this, but that's another story....)
But then I was talking with my husband, who asked me, "But would you really have preferred to have gone someplace else if you'd had the choice?"
And I say with complete honesty that my answer to that is no. I really can't imagine getting a better combination of PhD-school and med school. I think Columbia might have been close, but then I'd have been in Manhattan again, which.... I am SO GLAD I'm not. It's just too expensive, and well, been there done that. And who knows what would have happened with Luca if I'd gone there. And I certainly wouldn't have the Boo.
This program really is the right program for me despite the troubles I've had over the past year.
I thought that was kind of cool and I was really flattered, actually. I never expected my blog to have that effect, and it's really not the intent.
(The intent, in case anyone was wondering, is to be an online journal of my experiences, and to make me less crazy.)
Then it occurred to me that since my last year has been my most difficult to date that perhaps people would be turned off and decide NOT to come to my school after reading this year.
:-P
And while I don't in any way see myself as an ambassador of my program, I suppose because I AM blogging about my life on line, I become one by default.
So in any event, I thought I would list the reasons that you should choose to come here for an MD-PhD. Since I have no experience at other schools, I have no idea whether they do things better than we do, so please take these reasons with the grain of salt:
1. Getting you to finish in a timely (7-9 year) fashion is a priority of the program. You might think that this doesn't matter, that you will finish in 6 years regardless. However, I personally know people who did MD-PhDs at other institutions (*cough cough* -- my former institution) that took 11 years to graduate. ELEVEN YEARS!! That is freaking insane. And yes, he does great research now. But sheesh. At some point it really does become time to move along.
2. The MD-PhD office takes care of you. They do their best to smooth things out for you so that you end up with the career that you want. MK, our program administrator, is one of the most awesome and helpful people you will ever meet, and I have gotten fantastic advice on how to deal with everything from interpersonal conflict to choosing a medical specialty. If you're having difficulties (which actually does happen to people even though nobody admits it), they will work WITH you in a NON-BLAMING fashion to resolve the issue. They are truly on your side in a way that I have rarely felt before in my life.
3. The program is huge. There are something like 150 students. If you think you'd prefer to be in a smaller program, think again. It is so much easier to do things when other people before you have carved a path.
4. They take PhD students in non-traditional fields. There are currently students in Health Care Management (over at the business school), Epidemiology, Anthropology, and History and Sociology of Science, in addition to the usual Cell and Molecular Biology, Neuroscience, Engineering, etc. In the past they've worked with other departments as well. I think it really adds something to the program. Also, it's nice not being the only person doing a non-basic science PhD.
5. The med school is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Med school is a ton of information and can be very stressful. They do their best to minimize it, and students still learn what they need to know, and match very, very well. They instituted team exams in anatomy a few years back, and are always playing with the curriculum to make it more interesting and engaging. The surgery clerkship is incredible -- the director instituted a 6AM - 6PM M-Th schedule that emphasizes spending time in the OR over doing scut. It has made a huge difference to quality of life during the clerkship years.
6. Medical (and MD-PhD) students here are relatively happy. Yes, many of them are stressed out freaks, and there will always be a set of gunner assholes. It really isn't that bad here though. Most people are pretty nice.
7. I will stop short of recommending the school because it's in Philadelphia. Philly is ok. It's main claims to fame are that it's relatively inexpensive for being an East coast city, restaurants are very VERY cheap here, and that it is small and manageable. I liked Chicago better.... but I am obviously biased. My personal preference is for West Philly (despite the tulip destroyers and the shootings) because I like the neighborhoody feel and the big rambling houses and gardens. But (as we established long ago) I am not cool. If you are cool, you will prefer center city. Many of my friends LOVE it there.
I was talking with my prospie these past few days, who was a really lovely person. He asked me why I came here as opposed to another school, and I said because it was the only MSTP program that accepted me. Which is actually true. When I applied, I took an August MCAT (I somehow didn't realize that this would hurt me as much as it did -- but I didn't even get interviews at a lot of competing programs, and I think that may be why), and I was applying in Epidemiology, which many schools don't even offer. I applied MD-only some places, and MD-PhD others. If I had to do it over again, I would have been a lot more focused, and probably would have applied to a different set of school -- EARLIER.
(My prospie looked at me like I was the biggest, most disorganized loser on the planet when I told him this, but that's another story....)
But then I was talking with my husband, who asked me, "But would you really have preferred to have gone someplace else if you'd had the choice?"
And I say with complete honesty that my answer to that is no. I really can't imagine getting a better combination of PhD-school and med school. I think Columbia might have been close, but then I'd have been in Manhattan again, which.... I am SO GLAD I'm not. It's just too expensive, and well, been there done that. And who knows what would have happened with Luca if I'd gone there. And I certainly wouldn't have the Boo.
This program really is the right program for me despite the troubles I've had over the past year.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Mentor
I was talking to a friend of mine at the dog park this evening about my mentor. As some of you may have noticed, the past year he and I..... have had some friction. It has not been 100% smooth sailing.
But.
About 3 months ago he fired his old biostatistician, and decided to hire mine instead (which was obviously a very smart thing to do because, well, she is completely amazing). And then suddenly everything changed. He seemed pleased with what I was able to bring him. He no longer acted angry at me when I told him my models were taking 3 weeks to run (I wish I was kidding). And our meetings started being a lot more pleasant.
I don't know what's changed. I mean I have theories. I know last year was really hard for his family. There was a death, and then a second baby when his first was less than two years old. He's still a junior investigator, so perhaps he was still feeling things out re: how to manage people.
My other theory is that maybe my biostatistician set him straight about the project. Because, like I said, she is awesome.
Or maybe I'm better now. We don't meet as often, so he's a lot more hands off. I think he likes that better, and I stress him out less. I don't think I've really changed anything about my personality. I still kind of say what I want to, and am a little giddy and weird at times, but that's just kind of who I am. So really, I'm not sure I changed much of what I did, besides reducing the interactions.
My friend at the dog park told me that one guy he worked with became really mean the year after his baby was born. Maybe it was sleep deprivation? Marital strife? But anyway, his point was that things that some people weather just fine, push other people over the edge in ways you wouldn't expect. And then all of a sudden, about a year later, he was fine again. Point is, sometimes people are pushed to where they aren't really themselves. Or maybe just to where the less positive aspects of their personality are enhanced.
So I guess here we are. Things are still going well. I don't know what changed, but I think I'll take it anyway. In a way I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for things to get bad again. But hopefully -- fingers crossed -- they will keep going well.
Perhaps the next time someone totally comes out of their shoes at you, and you're left wondering what on earth you did wrong, this story will help. Because sometimes it really isn't you, it's them. Or at least maybe it's them also.
But.
About 3 months ago he fired his old biostatistician, and decided to hire mine instead (which was obviously a very smart thing to do because, well, she is completely amazing). And then suddenly everything changed. He seemed pleased with what I was able to bring him. He no longer acted angry at me when I told him my models were taking 3 weeks to run (I wish I was kidding). And our meetings started being a lot more pleasant.
I don't know what's changed. I mean I have theories. I know last year was really hard for his family. There was a death, and then a second baby when his first was less than two years old. He's still a junior investigator, so perhaps he was still feeling things out re: how to manage people.
My other theory is that maybe my biostatistician set him straight about the project. Because, like I said, she is awesome.
Or maybe I'm better now. We don't meet as often, so he's a lot more hands off. I think he likes that better, and I stress him out less. I don't think I've really changed anything about my personality. I still kind of say what I want to, and am a little giddy and weird at times, but that's just kind of who I am. So really, I'm not sure I changed much of what I did, besides reducing the interactions.
My friend at the dog park told me that one guy he worked with became really mean the year after his baby was born. Maybe it was sleep deprivation? Marital strife? But anyway, his point was that things that some people weather just fine, push other people over the edge in ways you wouldn't expect. And then all of a sudden, about a year later, he was fine again. Point is, sometimes people are pushed to where they aren't really themselves. Or maybe just to where the less positive aspects of their personality are enhanced.
So I guess here we are. Things are still going well. I don't know what changed, but I think I'll take it anyway. In a way I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for things to get bad again. But hopefully -- fingers crossed -- they will keep going well.
Perhaps the next time someone totally comes out of their shoes at you, and you're left wondering what on earth you did wrong, this story will help. Because sometimes it really isn't you, it's them. Or at least maybe it's them also.
38
I just found out that I got a 38% on my final Operations research HW. Woohoo!! On this one, I was completely convinced that I'd gotten everything right. I'd even done practice problems ahead of time to make sure I knew what I was doing before I started the assignment and checked my answers in the back of the book to make sure my thought process was correct (it was).
Come to think of it, I've thought I'd gotten everything right on EVERY assignment in this class that I've bombed. It's nice to know that it would have been a waste of time to practice before doing the other assignments.
What happened? Well, we're only graded on getting the right answer, and since each problem builds on the last, I just made some simple mistake at the first step that carried through to subsequent problems. I got #1 right, but on problem #2, I wrote down the wrong number from a giant table, and that wrong answer carried me through problems 2-4. I got #5 and 6 right, but on 7, I thought (since this was how they did it in the book) that we weren't supposed to round. I actually did the problem with rounding at first, and I got it right. I just changed my answer after doing some practice problems from the book that told me not to round. #8 I legitimately got wrong, but I was confused about it, so I'm not surprised.
Still, this is all really really annoying, and contributing to my hatred of the class. It also doesn't give me a heck of a lot of confidence for the final, because OF COURSE it will be the same format.
For those of you who are worried about med school, I can assure you that NOTHING in med school was as arbitrary and stupid as the way this class is scored. Seriously. It kind of makes me want to not study since I know that all I have to do to fail the final is write down a 7.3 on the first step and see a 7.5 when I plug the numbers into my calculator. The error will just carry through and I will get everything wrong. At least in med school, exams are basically all multiple choice and if you f-ed up one question it had no bearing on the next.
Fortunately I am carrying an A- for the first 1/2 of the course. I just have to keep my total at a B or above (a B- is an F in grad school). That would result in a bunch of unpleasantness that I don't want to get into.
Side note: I just figured out that if I get a C+ in this class (bottom 5%), then I will get a B overall. I actually had to think for a moment about what a C+ was on a numeric scale, since I've never gotten one of those before. So... C+ = 2.3, A- = 3.7, 2.3+3.7 = 6, 6/2 = 3, 3 = B. So unless I get less than 40% on the final -- like FAIL it for real, I should be ok.
Woo?
The kicker is this class has absolutely no bearing on what I'm doing for my PhD. None. It has been a total waste of my time.
So, now you all know what I will be doing for the next 5 days.
Come to think of it, I've thought I'd gotten everything right on EVERY assignment in this class that I've bombed. It's nice to know that it would have been a waste of time to practice before doing the other assignments.
What happened? Well, we're only graded on getting the right answer, and since each problem builds on the last, I just made some simple mistake at the first step that carried through to subsequent problems. I got #1 right, but on problem #2, I wrote down the wrong number from a giant table, and that wrong answer carried me through problems 2-4. I got #5 and 6 right, but on 7, I thought (since this was how they did it in the book) that we weren't supposed to round. I actually did the problem with rounding at first, and I got it right. I just changed my answer after doing some practice problems from the book that told me not to round. #8 I legitimately got wrong, but I was confused about it, so I'm not surprised.
Still, this is all really really annoying, and contributing to my hatred of the class. It also doesn't give me a heck of a lot of confidence for the final, because OF COURSE it will be the same format.
For those of you who are worried about med school, I can assure you that NOTHING in med school was as arbitrary and stupid as the way this class is scored. Seriously. It kind of makes me want to not study since I know that all I have to do to fail the final is write down a 7.3 on the first step and see a 7.5 when I plug the numbers into my calculator. The error will just carry through and I will get everything wrong. At least in med school, exams are basically all multiple choice and if you f-ed up one question it had no bearing on the next.
Fortunately I am carrying an A- for the first 1/2 of the course. I just have to keep my total at a B or above (a B- is an F in grad school). That would result in a bunch of unpleasantness that I don't want to get into.
Side note: I just figured out that if I get a C+ in this class (bottom 5%), then I will get a B overall. I actually had to think for a moment about what a C+ was on a numeric scale, since I've never gotten one of those before. So... C+ = 2.3, A- = 3.7, 2.3+3.7 = 6, 6/2 = 3, 3 = B. So unless I get less than 40% on the final -- like FAIL it for real, I should be ok.
Woo?
The kicker is this class has absolutely no bearing on what I'm doing for my PhD. None. It has been a total waste of my time.
So, now you all know what I will be doing for the next 5 days.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
And today
Recall yesterday's to do list:
1. Complete predicted probabilities analysis for bounceback epi paper (should be done when I wake up....)
2. Complete ICU death analysis for resident paper
3. Do problems from ch 11 + 12 (for REALZ this time!)
4. Go for run (briefly) in AM
5. Meet with statistician to discuss margins results
6. Convey keys to prospie (yes I am hosting again this year)
7. Attend woman's MD-PhD event to lure more victims to our program
8. Attend mandatory-optional seminar my department has every Thursday
So, #8 and #4 went out the window pretty much immediately. I swear I will go running tomorrow though.
I did complete 1,2,5,6, and 7. I got through chapter 11's problems, but not 12's. Not terrible, but I really need to get on top of this class so that I can be competent for the final. Also, I have no idea when my prospie is planning on coming to my house. God willing it will be before I go to bed.
Today my statistician encouraged me not to worry about working on my paper for the next week so that I could make sure I'd do well on my finals.
Have I ever mentioned: I LOVE MY STATISTICIAN.
So my to do list for tomorrow:
1. Problems from ch 12 + 13
2. Run
3. Talk to prospie
4. Attend class from 12:30-3:30
5. Attend WMPSA booth at student activities fair
Saturday I'd really like to:
1. Problems from ch 14 + 15 + 16
2. Review OPIM HWs.
Sunday:
1. Review for Outcomes Research Class
Monday:
1. Take practice test for OPIM, work on shortcomings
2. Perhaps work on final project for DB class (god willing the instructor will send us instructions)
Let's see how long it takes me to fall behind.... again.
1. Complete predicted probabilities analysis for bounceback epi paper (should be done when I wake up....)
2. Complete ICU death analysis for resident paper
3. Do problems from ch 11 + 12 (for REALZ this time!)
4. Go for run (briefly) in AM
5. Meet with statistician to discuss margins results
6. Convey keys to prospie (yes I am hosting again this year)
7. Attend woman's MD-PhD event to lure more victims to our program
8. Attend mandatory-optional seminar my department has every Thursday
So, #8 and #4 went out the window pretty much immediately. I swear I will go running tomorrow though.
I did complete 1,2,5,6, and 7. I got through chapter 11's problems, but not 12's. Not terrible, but I really need to get on top of this class so that I can be competent for the final. Also, I have no idea when my prospie is planning on coming to my house. God willing it will be before I go to bed.
Today my statistician encouraged me not to worry about working on my paper for the next week so that I could make sure I'd do well on my finals.
Have I ever mentioned: I LOVE MY STATISTICIAN.
So my to do list for tomorrow:
1. Problems from ch 12 + 13
2. Run
3. Talk to prospie
4. Attend class from 12:30-3:30
5. Attend WMPSA booth at student activities fair
Saturday I'd really like to:
1. Problems from ch 14 + 15 + 16
2. Review OPIM HWs.
Sunday:
1. Review for Outcomes Research Class
Monday:
1. Take practice test for OPIM, work on shortcomings
2. Perhaps work on final project for DB class (god willing the instructor will send us instructions)
Let's see how long it takes me to fall behind.... again.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Update
I know you are all curious about how the to do list went today:
This was what I wanted to accomplish:
1. Complete results section of paper
2. Go to meeting at 12
3. Swim for 40 min after meeting
4. Complete db assignment #4
5. Skim over and do practice problems from ch 11 + 12 for OPIM
This was what I *DID* accomplish:
1. Complete part of results section of paper, found out I need to rerun one set of models. Thankfully it the ones that won't converge with two intercepts, so it should only take a couple of hours. Annoyingly, I couldn't remote desktop tonight since they're having a power outage at my office building and I had to SHUT DOWN (horrors) my PC for the evening. Therefore instead of completing this tonight while I sleep, it will have to happen tomorrow.
2. Meeting accomplished. It's always weird going to a meeting when you haven't actually spoken to a person other than your husband for the past two days. I felt I wasn't firing on all cylinders. Still, I got all my questions answered and avoided pissing off my PI (I hope) so I'd say it went positively.
3. Swim accomplished. And it was actually a good swim!
4. DB assignment #4 ACCOMPLISHED (praise the lord)
5. Sadly, I only got 1/2 through chapter 11. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to make up for that. I did however print out last year's exam and solutions. Yay?
For tomorrow:
1. Complete predicted probabilities analysis for bounceback epi paper (should be done when I wake up....)
2. Complete ICU death analysis for resident paper
3. Do problems from ch 11 + 12 (for REALZ this time!)
4. Go for run (briefly) in AM
5. Meet with statistician to discuss margins results
6. Convey keys to prospie (yes I am hosting again this year)
7. Attend woman's MD-PhD event to lure more victims to our program
8. Attend mandatory-optional seminar my department has every Thursday
Dear God I have too much to do (which begs the question: why am I blogging about it??).
As for the exercising -- I've been tempted to cut this too since really. No. Time. But recently I've noticed that I actually feel better if I do at least something from an exercise standpoint most days. Even on days (like today) when I really really don't want to go. I got this advice from someone year ago to work out every day because then even if you accomplish nothing else, at least you will have worked out. I haven't always been so successful at this, but I'm giving it a fresh try again now.
This was what I wanted to accomplish:
1. Complete results section of paper
2. Go to meeting at 12
3. Swim for 40 min after meeting
4. Complete db assignment #4
5. Skim over and do practice problems from ch 11 + 12 for OPIM
This was what I *DID* accomplish:
1. Complete part of results section of paper, found out I need to rerun one set of models. Thankfully it the ones that won't converge with two intercepts, so it should only take a couple of hours. Annoyingly, I couldn't remote desktop tonight since they're having a power outage at my office building and I had to SHUT DOWN (horrors) my PC for the evening. Therefore instead of completing this tonight while I sleep, it will have to happen tomorrow.
2. Meeting accomplished. It's always weird going to a meeting when you haven't actually spoken to a person other than your husband for the past two days. I felt I wasn't firing on all cylinders. Still, I got all my questions answered and avoided pissing off my PI (I hope) so I'd say it went positively.
3. Swim accomplished. And it was actually a good swim!
4. DB assignment #4 ACCOMPLISHED (praise the lord)
5. Sadly, I only got 1/2 through chapter 11. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to make up for that. I did however print out last year's exam and solutions. Yay?
For tomorrow:
1. Complete predicted probabilities analysis for bounceback epi paper (should be done when I wake up....)
2. Complete ICU death analysis for resident paper
3. Do problems from ch 11 + 12 (for REALZ this time!)
4. Go for run (briefly) in AM
5. Meet with statistician to discuss margins results
6. Convey keys to prospie (yes I am hosting again this year)
7. Attend woman's MD-PhD event to lure more victims to our program
8. Attend mandatory-optional seminar my department has every Thursday
Dear God I have too much to do (which begs the question: why am I blogging about it??).
As for the exercising -- I've been tempted to cut this too since really. No. Time. But recently I've noticed that I actually feel better if I do at least something from an exercise standpoint most days. Even on days (like today) when I really really don't want to go. I got this advice from someone year ago to work out every day because then even if you accomplish nothing else, at least you will have worked out. I haven't always been so successful at this, but I'm giving it a fresh try again now.
Neurological problems abound in management!
Neurological problems abound in management! (I got these from here.)
One admin complains:
• “One of my managers writes so small that I have great difficulty reading his handwriting. Even after telling him how this impacts my accuracy and timeliness, he hasn’t changed in six years.”
Diagnosis: Parkinson's disease
Another complaint:
• “My boss doesn’t remember what work he assigned to whom, so quite often he will have two of us working on the same thing.”
Diagnosis: Dementia. Possibly Alzheimers.
And yet another:
• “My manager and I agreed upon a deadline for a report I was creating. When I submitted the report on the date of the deadline, he commented on my lateness.”
Diagnosis: Given the confabulation, I am thinking a pre-frontal cortical lesion of some variety. Korsakoff's syndrome? Or perhaps a stroke off the anterior communicating artery?
And another:
• “When we recently had a flood in the office, my manager made us work through it.”
Diagnosis: This is clearly mania. Your boss believes he is the messiah and that he can walk on water.
Finally:
• “My manager likes to invent his own words. Even if I question them, he’ll still use them.”
Diagnosis: I was thinking Broca's aphasia here, resulting from a left MCA stroke. Or, maybe your boss has a brain tumor.
In short, there is a lot of neurologic morbidity associated with being a boss. Anyone with more neurologic expertise than I have want to weigh in?
One admin complains:
• “One of my managers writes so small that I have great difficulty reading his handwriting. Even after telling him how this impacts my accuracy and timeliness, he hasn’t changed in six years.”
Diagnosis: Parkinson's disease
Another complaint:
• “My boss doesn’t remember what work he assigned to whom, so quite often he will have two of us working on the same thing.”
Diagnosis: Dementia. Possibly Alzheimers.
And yet another:
• “My manager and I agreed upon a deadline for a report I was creating. When I submitted the report on the date of the deadline, he commented on my lateness.”
Diagnosis: Given the confabulation, I am thinking a pre-frontal cortical lesion of some variety. Korsakoff's syndrome? Or perhaps a stroke off the anterior communicating artery?
And another:
• “When we recently had a flood in the office, my manager made us work through it.”
Diagnosis: This is clearly mania. Your boss believes he is the messiah and that he can walk on water.
Finally:
• “My manager likes to invent his own words. Even if I question them, he’ll still use them.”
Diagnosis: I was thinking Broca's aphasia here, resulting from a left MCA stroke. Or, maybe your boss has a brain tumor.
In short, there is a lot of neurologic morbidity associated with being a boss. Anyone with more neurologic expertise than I have want to weigh in?
Procrastinitis
In a week and three days (not that I'm counting) Luca and I are going on vacation. Before then, I have told myself that I must:
1. Study for (and do a good job on) my OPIM exam next Wednesday
2. Study for (and do a good job on) my Outcomes Research exam next Friday
3. Complete a draft of one of my papers
4. Complete final BS project for database class (not really sure what this is, since the instructor has been really vague about it)
5. Do final HW assignment for DB class (shouldn't take long once I figure out what this is)
Did I mention that I have very few things I have to do from a meeting/class standpoint during this time? So therefore, it should be NO PROBLEM AT ALL to complete all of this work.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Ever notice how work expands to fill up all available time so that no matter what you'll always have a time crunch at the end? Yeah, that's pretty much exactly what is happening to me these days.
- My internet addiction is out of control
- I told myself I could watch 30 min of tv last night, and I watched 90
- I told myself I'd stay up and do more work after Luca went to bed. Didn't happen.
- I told myself that I would get the results section of my paper done yesterday. I got 1/2 of it done.
Gah! It's so infuriating.
Today I am giving myself the following list of tasks to complete:
1. Complete results section of paper
2. Go to meeting at 12
3. Swim for 40 min after meeting
4. Complete db assignment #4
5. Skim over and do practice problems from ch 11 + 12 for OPIM
You'd think this would be an easy enough lists of tasks to accomplish. I'll be sure to let you know if it happens.
Don't hold your breath.
1. Study for (and do a good job on) my OPIM exam next Wednesday
2. Study for (and do a good job on) my Outcomes Research exam next Friday
3. Complete a draft of one of my papers
4. Complete final BS project for database class (not really sure what this is, since the instructor has been really vague about it)
5. Do final HW assignment for DB class (shouldn't take long once I figure out what this is)
Did I mention that I have very few things I have to do from a meeting/class standpoint during this time? So therefore, it should be NO PROBLEM AT ALL to complete all of this work.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Ever notice how work expands to fill up all available time so that no matter what you'll always have a time crunch at the end? Yeah, that's pretty much exactly what is happening to me these days.
- My internet addiction is out of control
- I told myself I could watch 30 min of tv last night, and I watched 90
- I told myself I'd stay up and do more work after Luca went to bed. Didn't happen.
- I told myself that I would get the results section of my paper done yesterday. I got 1/2 of it done.
Gah! It's so infuriating.
Today I am giving myself the following list of tasks to complete:
1. Complete results section of paper
2. Go to meeting at 12
3. Swim for 40 min after meeting
4. Complete db assignment #4
5. Skim over and do practice problems from ch 11 + 12 for OPIM
You'd think this would be an easy enough lists of tasks to accomplish. I'll be sure to let you know if it happens.
Don't hold your breath.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Very VERY close to my house
Maybe this was the same person that stole my tulips last week?
Haha haha... not.
Luca and I were wondering what the helicopters were all about last night. Hopefully they'll catch the guy before he shoots one of us while we're walking the Boo.
Haha haha... not.
Luca and I were wondering what the helicopters were all about last night. Hopefully they'll catch the guy before he shoots one of us while we're walking the Boo.
Obedience School Creep
Last night was our second to last class of Control Unleashed. Miss Boo has improved a lot. Yesterday it was hard to find something that was sufficiently arousing for her to be challenged keeping her attention on me. Finally we found that the noises from the agility class next door freaked her out enough for good practice. Especially when the dog ran over the dog walk that was right next to where we were sitting.
So, as with every class at Y2K9s, at the end of a class, they tell us what class they think would be appropriate for us to do next. And we were told..... Control Unleashed TWO.
Yes that's right, there is a Control Unleashed II. Who knew? And here we were thinking that we could move back to Handling Skills I or perhaps Contacts and Weaves for Hyper Pit Bulls I.
Hahahaha silly us.
It's not that I don't like Control Unleashed, or that I think we don't need to work on it anymore, or that Boo is totally cured of her easily distractible nature. She is a protect-terrier after all. It's just, well, it's beginning to get a little boring, and agility is a lot more fun for us. Somehow, it comes off as a bit of a scam, like they've sucked us in and they will keep promising, "Just one more class, and then we promise Miss Boo can do agility again."
Which begs the question, how the heck does ANY dog advance in agility school here? I mean, unless you have a yard where you can practice with your dog all the time, the only place you can really do it is at dog class, and there are SO MANY classes to take before you're allowed to do full courses at all (I think we have at least 5 to go ourselves -- Handling Skills I, Handling Skills II, Contacts and Weaves, Sequencing I, Sequencing II, and Novice Agility Course Skills) and that's IF they don't make you repeat a class.
Fortunately, I like taking class with my dog. I even don't mind the crazy dog ladies who have agility dogs instead of children. (Dude, they are totally crazy.) Some of them are actually nice. So, we'll probably keep going.
But seriously guys, Control Unleashed TWO??? Gah!
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take Miss Protect-terrier for a run before the temperature goes up to EIGHTY-FIVE degrees. Hello, Spring? What happened this year? Are you gone already?
So, as with every class at Y2K9s, at the end of a class, they tell us what class they think would be appropriate for us to do next. And we were told..... Control Unleashed TWO.
Yes that's right, there is a Control Unleashed II. Who knew? And here we were thinking that we could move back to Handling Skills I or perhaps Contacts and Weaves for Hyper Pit Bulls I.
Hahahaha silly us.
It's not that I don't like Control Unleashed, or that I think we don't need to work on it anymore, or that Boo is totally cured of her easily distractible nature. She is a protect-terrier after all. It's just, well, it's beginning to get a little boring, and agility is a lot more fun for us. Somehow, it comes off as a bit of a scam, like they've sucked us in and they will keep promising, "Just one more class, and then we promise Miss Boo can do agility again."
Which begs the question, how the heck does ANY dog advance in agility school here? I mean, unless you have a yard where you can practice with your dog all the time, the only place you can really do it is at dog class, and there are SO MANY classes to take before you're allowed to do full courses at all (I think we have at least 5 to go ourselves -- Handling Skills I, Handling Skills II, Contacts and Weaves, Sequencing I, Sequencing II, and Novice Agility Course Skills) and that's IF they don't make you repeat a class.
Fortunately, I like taking class with my dog. I even don't mind the crazy dog ladies who have agility dogs instead of children. (Dude, they are totally crazy.) Some of them are actually nice. So, we'll probably keep going.
But seriously guys, Control Unleashed TWO??? Gah!
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take Miss Protect-terrier for a run before the temperature goes up to EIGHTY-FIVE degrees. Hello, Spring? What happened this year? Are you gone already?
Sunday, April 24, 2011
I really actually took a day off
Not that I should, since exams will be coming up soon. But I did anyway. And it really was an amazing day.
It started off with me sleeping in until 8:30. Luca got up at 7:30 and put the Boo on the bed, so I got to snuggle with her for a little while.
Then we went for a run around the cemetery. We did almost 3 miles today, which wasn't so bad since it was pretty hot out, and I am in horrible running shape. On our way back we looped past the dog park, but there was nobody there. So we stopped and let miss boo have a drink, and waited for about 20 minutes, but still nobody showed up. Perhaps they were all at church? Then we gave up and headed home.
On our way back I admired what is left of our tulips, and smelled my daffodils. I never knew that some daffodils had a smell, but these definitely do. They are probably genetically engineered or something. Haha. Thank you white flower farm!!
The rest of the garden is doing really well too. My herbaceous peonies have started to come up, and my rose bush is already HUGE. I hope the aphids don't get it this year, and I've been putting out banana peels as aphid prophylaxis. The astilbe not only survived the winter, but is doing really well too. Hopefully the summer won't fry it again this year like it did last year. Even my fern, which I was sure I had killed came back.
We planted some dahlias and daisies yesterday so that when the tulips die back in a few weeks there will still be something there. I think we may put in some more snap dragons and begonias, but it's still a little early in the season for that.
Then we cleaned, which normally I hate, but was actually oddly satisfying today. I put away a bunch of old notes and organized my papers, and put away a bunch of laundry that had been sitting on my dresser for a few weeks. Then we cleaned the floors.
And I made my first ever key lime pie. I've never been a huge fan, but Luca loves them, so I made it for him. I got the recipe off the internet. It was an Emeril recipe I think. When we were eating it a few minutes ago, it occurred to me that we were basically eating condensed milk flavored with lime juice + sour cream. It was really good!
I also roasted my first chicken ever in the roasting pan my mom gave me for Christmas this past year. We did it with olive oil and rosemary, and put some potatoes in the pan to cook as well. My mom recommended that we put a lemon in the chicken because she said it would keep it more moist. And it turned out really well! It wasn't even difficult to do, AND we have leftovers.
Um, win, win, and win, anyone??
Now we're going to relax on the couch and watch a movie. Not sure which one yet. We'll see.
And this week, I only have two classes to attend. Yippee!!!! Maybe I'll even be able to get my paper done AND study. Haha. We have two kids staying with us for preview at the end of the week, which should be interesting. We got guys this year, which Luca was unhappy about, but I'm sure it will be fine. They just better not get drunk and puke all over his bathroom.
So yay! A real day off. I really need to do this more often.....
It started off with me sleeping in until 8:30. Luca got up at 7:30 and put the Boo on the bed, so I got to snuggle with her for a little while.
Then we went for a run around the cemetery. We did almost 3 miles today, which wasn't so bad since it was pretty hot out, and I am in horrible running shape. On our way back we looped past the dog park, but there was nobody there. So we stopped and let miss boo have a drink, and waited for about 20 minutes, but still nobody showed up. Perhaps they were all at church? Then we gave up and headed home.
On our way back I admired what is left of our tulips, and smelled my daffodils. I never knew that some daffodils had a smell, but these definitely do. They are probably genetically engineered or something. Haha. Thank you white flower farm!!
The rest of the garden is doing really well too. My herbaceous peonies have started to come up, and my rose bush is already HUGE. I hope the aphids don't get it this year, and I've been putting out banana peels as aphid prophylaxis. The astilbe not only survived the winter, but is doing really well too. Hopefully the summer won't fry it again this year like it did last year. Even my fern, which I was sure I had killed came back.
We planted some dahlias and daisies yesterday so that when the tulips die back in a few weeks there will still be something there. I think we may put in some more snap dragons and begonias, but it's still a little early in the season for that.
Then we cleaned, which normally I hate, but was actually oddly satisfying today. I put away a bunch of old notes and organized my papers, and put away a bunch of laundry that had been sitting on my dresser for a few weeks. Then we cleaned the floors.
And I made my first ever key lime pie. I've never been a huge fan, but Luca loves them, so I made it for him. I got the recipe off the internet. It was an Emeril recipe I think. When we were eating it a few minutes ago, it occurred to me that we were basically eating condensed milk flavored with lime juice + sour cream. It was really good!
I also roasted my first chicken ever in the roasting pan my mom gave me for Christmas this past year. We did it with olive oil and rosemary, and put some potatoes in the pan to cook as well. My mom recommended that we put a lemon in the chicken because she said it would keep it more moist. And it turned out really well! It wasn't even difficult to do, AND we have leftovers.
Um, win, win, and win, anyone??
Now we're going to relax on the couch and watch a movie. Not sure which one yet. We'll see.
And this week, I only have two classes to attend. Yippee!!!! Maybe I'll even be able to get my paper done AND study. Haha. We have two kids staying with us for preview at the end of the week, which should be interesting. We got guys this year, which Luca was unhappy about, but I'm sure it will be fine. They just better not get drunk and puke all over his bathroom.
So yay! A real day off. I really need to do this more often.....
Poor baby
I overheard a conversation in the elevator the other day. One of the department admins was teasing a faculty member for arriving late -- at 9:15.
And then commenced the bmw*:
"This has been SUCH a hard week. My wife is away taking our son / daughter to look at colleges, and I've had to take care of EVERYTHING MYSELF as well as [my high school aged] kids," he said.
I restrained myself from saying anything, but what I thought was, "POOR BABY!!!"
I do think it's interesting that practically none (I think there's one) of the more senior men in my department have wives that have comparable jobs to them. Most of them have stay at homeservants wives, in fact. I guess that's nice for them and everything, but I'm sorry if I have limited sympathy for all the extra work you have to do when your wife is away for a couple of days, and you have to do things like feed yourself.
The truth is, he was probably just late for no good reason (and who really cares, since nobody is keeping track), but then seized the opportunity to play the "poor helpless man" card. Perhaps some women would find that sympathetic?
*Bitching, moaning, and whining
And then commenced the bmw*:
"This has been SUCH a hard week. My wife is away taking our son / daughter to look at colleges, and I've had to take care of EVERYTHING MYSELF as well as [my high school aged] kids," he said.
I restrained myself from saying anything, but what I thought was, "POOR BABY!!!"
I do think it's interesting that practically none (I think there's one) of the more senior men in my department have wives that have comparable jobs to them. Most of them have stay at home
The truth is, he was probably just late for no good reason (and who really cares, since nobody is keeping track), but then seized the opportunity to play the "poor helpless man" card. Perhaps some women would find that sympathetic?
*Bitching, moaning, and whining
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Fliter: On!
I was talking to my business school prof the other day about my previous job at the industrial supply company from hell. He is an expert in supply chain management. And well, I was a buyer for a while. Then I worked in the warehouse in the shipping dept and later in the receiving dept.
And he asked me, completely seriously in this sounded- like- a- fascinating- job voice, "Why did you quit?"
It was all I could do to resist saying, "Uh, because my brain was becoming so atrophied that I couldn't live with myself anymore. The people sucked. And it just wasn't interesting work. I love data, and in the warehouse they took away our computers."
Because, after all, it's what he DOES for a living, and apparently loves it.
So I said, "I decided I wanted to go to grad school. And upper management was really slow to change. I mean, they were still modeling demand of slow moving items with a normal distribution. They didn't even know what a Poisson distribution was. It was depressing."
Yeah, I dorked out on supply chain management.
God, I'm going to be glad to be done with that class. Each lecture gives me a mini-PTSD flashback of that hell. The only thing I really learned that is useful for life was that online retailers have been making returning goods easier, though I'm not sure I needed to take a whole class for that!
And he asked me, completely seriously in this sounded- like- a- fascinating- job voice, "Why did you quit?"
It was all I could do to resist saying, "Uh, because my brain was becoming so atrophied that I couldn't live with myself anymore. The people sucked. And it just wasn't interesting work. I love data, and in the warehouse they took away our computers."
Because, after all, it's what he DOES for a living, and apparently loves it.
So I said, "I decided I wanted to go to grad school. And upper management was really slow to change. I mean, they were still modeling demand of slow moving items with a normal distribution. They didn't even know what a Poisson distribution was. It was depressing."
Yeah, I dorked out on supply chain management.
God, I'm going to be glad to be done with that class. Each lecture gives me a mini-PTSD flashback of that hell. The only thing I really learned that is useful for life was that online retailers have been making returning goods easier, though I'm not sure I needed to take a whole class for that!
Friday, April 22, 2011
A reader asks:
How did you know that you were ready to take on this huge endeavor?
This endeavor, being med school.
The answer is: I did a little bit at a time. First I got my research job. I thought I'd go to grad school in sociology or psychology or maybe public policy at first. I was working for some doctors and this thought dawned on me: I want their job.
So I started talking to various mentors about what they thought about the whole med school idea. Every. Single. One. thought it was a great idea. A great idea both from the MD perspective, and also from the research perspective.
I was still hesitant. What if I sucked at science? What if I couldn't cut it? What if I never got in?
So I told myself that I would take a year of biology and see how it went. I decided that if I liked biology, which I always had in the past, and if I did well in it, I would pursue medical school FOR REAL.
And I did like it. Also, I nailed the living crap out of my bio courses.
And then I took Physics over the next summer. Well, the first two courses. And I nailed that too.
At that point all I had was ochem, and really, there was no looking back. Once you get sucked into pre-med-dom and you find yourself doing ok at it, it becomes an unstoppable train.
I don't know if I would have had the balls to just jump into an expensive post-bac program with no previous coursework to tell me if this was something I really should be doing. I think the way I approached it suited me well, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who isn't 100% sure at first.
Take things slow, get some experience, try things like research, activities that give you contact with patients, see if you like them. See how you do in your classes. If you're meant to go to med school, things will start falling into place.
If you're NOT meant to go to med school, if you do poorly in your classes, find you don't like research, talking to patients, or helping people, you won't have committed your life to it, or $30,000.
There are definitely worse things than deciding not to go to med school's all I'm saying. It pays to really figure it out before you go.
This endeavor, being med school.
The answer is: I did a little bit at a time. First I got my research job. I thought I'd go to grad school in sociology or psychology or maybe public policy at first. I was working for some doctors and this thought dawned on me: I want their job.
So I started talking to various mentors about what they thought about the whole med school idea. Every. Single. One. thought it was a great idea. A great idea both from the MD perspective, and also from the research perspective.
I was still hesitant. What if I sucked at science? What if I couldn't cut it? What if I never got in?
So I told myself that I would take a year of biology and see how it went. I decided that if I liked biology, which I always had in the past, and if I did well in it, I would pursue medical school FOR REAL.
And I did like it. Also, I nailed the living crap out of my bio courses.
And then I took Physics over the next summer. Well, the first two courses. And I nailed that too.
At that point all I had was ochem, and really, there was no looking back. Once you get sucked into pre-med-dom and you find yourself doing ok at it, it becomes an unstoppable train.
I don't know if I would have had the balls to just jump into an expensive post-bac program with no previous coursework to tell me if this was something I really should be doing. I think the way I approached it suited me well, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who isn't 100% sure at first.
Take things slow, get some experience, try things like research, activities that give you contact with patients, see if you like them. See how you do in your classes. If you're meant to go to med school, things will start falling into place.
If you're NOT meant to go to med school, if you do poorly in your classes, find you don't like research, talking to patients, or helping people, you won't have committed your life to it, or $30,000.
There are definitely worse things than deciding not to go to med school's all I'm saying. It pays to really figure it out before you go.
Things I love about my dog
Since I am in the midst of procrastinating, I thought I would share with you the things I love about my dog:
1. Her energy. It is limitless.
2. She can outrun virtually every other dog at the dog park.
3. She sort of swims, but mostly she wallows when we take her swimming, submerging her entire body including her face. Then she rolls around in the water like a hippo. It is really cute.
4. When she wants something, she will throw her body onto the floor in a down and stare at us. If we still don't get it, she will bark.
5. The other day when we were walking, we came across some obnoxious kids who jumped at her to try and scare her. She growled at them. Luca calls her my protect-terrier.
6. She has a big scary bark.
7. She has no concept of personal space. If Luca and I are lying on the couch, she will wedge herself in between us.
8. She loves her boyfriend Marley. He steals her bones, and she pushes him around, and they both have the best time.
9. You can tell whether she's been cold at night. On mornings when she is cold, when Luca leaves, she will request to be put on the bed. Then she will burrow underneath the comforter and press her body next to mine.
10. When I'm sad, she will appear very concerned, and then hop up on the chair next to me as though to comfort me. She is probably just "owning" me, but I don't care, it makes me feel loved.
11. She barks every time our irresponsible neighbors go in and out of their house.
12. When I'm brushing my teeth, she will walk around me in a circle in order to herd me to bed.
13. When she plays tug with Luca, she can jump probably 3' straight up into the air.
14. She loves zooming around in the snow.
15. She loves zooming around in the grass.
16. Come to think of it, she just loves to zoom, I guess.
17. I love her whiskers. She actually has them all over her head like little antennae. She hates it when I play with them.
18. She loves nothing better than a bone, but if you tell her to wait, she will. She is very polite.
Miss. Boo! I can't believe I've had you for almost a year and a half! You are the best ferocious pit bull ever!
1. Her energy. It is limitless.
2. She can outrun virtually every other dog at the dog park.
3. She sort of swims, but mostly she wallows when we take her swimming, submerging her entire body including her face. Then she rolls around in the water like a hippo. It is really cute.
4. When she wants something, she will throw her body onto the floor in a down and stare at us. If we still don't get it, she will bark.
5. The other day when we were walking, we came across some obnoxious kids who jumped at her to try and scare her. She growled at them. Luca calls her my protect-terrier.
6. She has a big scary bark.
7. She has no concept of personal space. If Luca and I are lying on the couch, she will wedge herself in between us.
8. She loves her boyfriend Marley. He steals her bones, and she pushes him around, and they both have the best time.
9. You can tell whether she's been cold at night. On mornings when she is cold, when Luca leaves, she will request to be put on the bed. Then she will burrow underneath the comforter and press her body next to mine.
10. When I'm sad, she will appear very concerned, and then hop up on the chair next to me as though to comfort me. She is probably just "owning" me, but I don't care, it makes me feel loved.
11. She barks every time our irresponsible neighbors go in and out of their house.
12. When I'm brushing my teeth, she will walk around me in a circle in order to herd me to bed.
13. When she plays tug with Luca, she can jump probably 3' straight up into the air.
14. She loves zooming around in the snow.
15. She loves zooming around in the grass.
16. Come to think of it, she just loves to zoom, I guess.
17. I love her whiskers. She actually has them all over her head like little antennae. She hates it when I play with them.
18. She loves nothing better than a bone, but if you tell her to wait, she will. She is very polite.
Miss. Boo! I can't believe I've had you for almost a year and a half! You are the best ferocious pit bull ever!
Abstract
This morning, submitted: Two abstracts for research day. It's on June 8th or some such, and when I get back from vacation and my conference in May, I'll have about a week to prepare one of the posters for it. One will already be done since I'm presenting it in Denver. In theory. I was supposed to have that done today, but my pesky models are still running.
And only two more weeks of the semester to go! Technically, all of my classes are basically finished (except for this one class -- don't even get me started on that!) and all I have are two exams and one problem set left. It's a little annoying that I have two full weeks to forget all this material before I have my exams. Why can't the exams be like, MONDAY, like a normal school, instead of having three weeks of reading period?
I'm thinking I will not study at all for them until 1/2 through next week or so. That way, maybe I can get some of this paper finished that I've now been sitting on for two weeks. And perhaps also this poster so I can get it printed before May 6th.
And then: vacation!!
And then: conference!
And then: class starts again.
And then: study for quals.
And only two more weeks of the semester to go! Technically, all of my classes are basically finished (except for this one class -- don't even get me started on that!) and all I have are two exams and one problem set left. It's a little annoying that I have two full weeks to forget all this material before I have my exams. Why can't the exams be like, MONDAY, like a normal school, instead of having three weeks of reading period?
I'm thinking I will not study at all for them until 1/2 through next week or so. That way, maybe I can get some of this paper finished that I've now been sitting on for two weeks. And perhaps also this poster so I can get it printed before May 6th.
And then: vacation!!
And then: conference!
And then: class starts again.
And then: study for quals.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
True Class
Yesterday when I was getting ready to drain the dog, as I was leaving my house I saw a man urinating in the street. This wasn't a homeless man, this was just some trashy person who needed to pee. I went back inside and watched as he got into his car and drove away in his shiny black Infinity.
Luca said he saw some woman squatting between cars while he was out walking the dog the other night. For some reason this bothers me less. At least she was making an effort to hide. This man on the other hand had his dick out in public. He didn't even bother to go into an alley or pee up against a tree. He was just standing on the sidewalk in front of my house, peeing in the middle of the street.
I'd always kind of wondered why the plants in the corner of my garden never seemed to do well. I'd assumed that people were letting their dogs urinate in it, but now I realize that it's probably human pee that is killing my plants.
In other news, some motherfucker stole my tulips. When I came outside this morning I saw that three or four plants had been ripped out and thrown on the sidewalk. Apparently the perpetrator had found that ripping the plants out wasn't producing the desired results, so he/she (he?) cut every. single. tulip flower off at the stalk that was in the front row of my garden.
He made sure to get one of every color. I had three yellow ones that were in the back part of my garden. Now I have one. He only took one or two daffodils. I guess white isn't his favorite color.
You can see tulip petals scattered all over the park that is just down the street from my house.
I can only hope that he gave them to some woman in order to get laid. Perhaps he contracted gonorrhea in the process.
Do I really need to wrap my garden with razor concertina to keep the trashy people out?
I am very sad. I'm wondering whether I should take all the rest of the tulips and make bouquets for my house myself in order to keep the motherfuckers from stealing more tonight.
It kind of makes me not want to have a garden.
Luca said he saw some woman squatting between cars while he was out walking the dog the other night. For some reason this bothers me less. At least she was making an effort to hide. This man on the other hand had his dick out in public. He didn't even bother to go into an alley or pee up against a tree. He was just standing on the sidewalk in front of my house, peeing in the middle of the street.
I'd always kind of wondered why the plants in the corner of my garden never seemed to do well. I'd assumed that people were letting their dogs urinate in it, but now I realize that it's probably human pee that is killing my plants.
In other news, some motherfucker stole my tulips. When I came outside this morning I saw that three or four plants had been ripped out and thrown on the sidewalk. Apparently the perpetrator had found that ripping the plants out wasn't producing the desired results, so he/she (he?) cut every. single. tulip flower off at the stalk that was in the front row of my garden.
He made sure to get one of every color. I had three yellow ones that were in the back part of my garden. Now I have one. He only took one or two daffodils. I guess white isn't his favorite color.
You can see tulip petals scattered all over the park that is just down the street from my house.
I can only hope that he gave them to some woman in order to get laid. Perhaps he contracted gonorrhea in the process.
Do I really need to wrap my garden with razor concertina to keep the trashy people out?
I am very sad. I'm wondering whether I should take all the rest of the tulips and make bouquets for my house myself in order to keep the motherfuckers from stealing more tonight.
It kind of makes me not want to have a garden.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Dog School
Dog school tonight was awesome. Miss Boo worked right next to another dog who was also working. She made it through a whole class without jumping over the gates. She didn't freak out when one of the dogs escaped from the pen and rushed the dog right next to her.
I have to say, I think she is making progress.
Luca and I took her to the Wissahickon yesterday for a run-walk (run 2.5 miles out, and walk back), and we passed many many dogs on the way. Whereas previously she would have lunged and pulled, this time she looked and showed interest, but was easily reoriented to running along the path. We even had two other unfamiliar dogs pass very close to her on the path, and we had her sit and watch us, and she didn't get excited and lunge at the other dogs.
Luca thinks it's just because we'd already worn her out with 1.5 hours at the dog park plus 5 miles of running, but I'd like to think some of my hard work (and it is MY hard work, sweetie) is paying off.
In other news, one of the ladies at control unleashed tonight ran out of treats, so we offered her some of Boo's hot dogs. She replied curtly that *her* dog wasn't permitted to eat hot dogs. Luca and I snickered. I wonder if this is what my mom had to deal with when people used to interrogate her about what I ate for breakfast growing up (Entenmann's chocolate doughnuts -- yummy!). Oh well. Our dog was better behaved. So there.
Only two more classes left. I wonder if we'll get the clear to go ahead and do agility again. I hope so, though some of the more advanced obedience stuff might be fun too. We've still yet to master loose leash walking though. I wonder if we can skip that and move directly to an off leash heel.
I have to say, I think she is making progress.
Luca and I took her to the Wissahickon yesterday for a run-walk (run 2.5 miles out, and walk back), and we passed many many dogs on the way. Whereas previously she would have lunged and pulled, this time she looked and showed interest, but was easily reoriented to running along the path. We even had two other unfamiliar dogs pass very close to her on the path, and we had her sit and watch us, and she didn't get excited and lunge at the other dogs.
Luca thinks it's just because we'd already worn her out with 1.5 hours at the dog park plus 5 miles of running, but I'd like to think some of my hard work (and it is MY hard work, sweetie) is paying off.
In other news, one of the ladies at control unleashed tonight ran out of treats, so we offered her some of Boo's hot dogs. She replied curtly that *her* dog wasn't permitted to eat hot dogs. Luca and I snickered. I wonder if this is what my mom had to deal with when people used to interrogate her about what I ate for breakfast growing up (Entenmann's chocolate doughnuts -- yummy!). Oh well. Our dog was better behaved. So there.
Only two more classes left. I wonder if we'll get the clear to go ahead and do agility again. I hope so, though some of the more advanced obedience stuff might be fun too. We've still yet to master loose leash walking though. I wonder if we can skip that and move directly to an off leash heel.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Imposter Syndrome Seminar
One of the girls in my program made a scoffing noise when she found out that I went to this seminar, which was kind of par for the course for her lately if I'm honest with myself.... I'm not usually big into self-help seminars myself, but I thought that given how shitty I'd been feeling lately it might help some.
The truth is it was useful, sort of. I think the main takeaways were:
1. 70% of people feel like this from time to time, so if you don't then you might have the opposite problem.
2. If you get nervous before public speaking, just tell yourself that you're excited, since your body responds the same way to excitement as to fear.
3. It's ok to ask for help.
4. Learn how to fake confidence. That can turn into real confidence.
5. Even the experts have no idea what they're talking about much of the time.
6. The goal of a PhD is to finish. You have your whole life to keep learning things.
I got to see a bunch of my friends there too, which was nice since I don't often see them around these days.
And I've been feeling better about things anyway, seminar not withstanding.
I think it has to do with the fact that a) my mentor seems to be making an effort to be pleasant and encouraging, b) the semester from hell is almost over, c) I'm really enjoying my Outcomes Research class, d) spring is here, and e) my papers are finally coming into shape, and f) I'm coming up with a bunch of new cool research ideas.
And I can't wait to start my next set of projects!
The truth is it was useful, sort of. I think the main takeaways were:
1. 70% of people feel like this from time to time, so if you don't then you might have the opposite problem.
2. If you get nervous before public speaking, just tell yourself that you're excited, since your body responds the same way to excitement as to fear.
3. It's ok to ask for help.
4. Learn how to fake confidence. That can turn into real confidence.
5. Even the experts have no idea what they're talking about much of the time.
6. The goal of a PhD is to finish. You have your whole life to keep learning things.
I got to see a bunch of my friends there too, which was nice since I don't often see them around these days.
And I've been feeling better about things anyway, seminar not withstanding.
I think it has to do with the fact that a) my mentor seems to be making an effort to be pleasant and encouraging, b) the semester from hell is almost over, c) I'm really enjoying my Outcomes Research class, d) spring is here, and e) my papers are finally coming into shape, and f) I'm coming up with a bunch of new cool research ideas.
And I can't wait to start my next set of projects!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Spring Fling
Now that I live far west of the undergrad campus, I've found that I'm able to appreciate their shenanigans a lot more than I used to. Unlike during my first year of med school when one of the local frats had a pledge event the night before my Endocrine exam. For some reason the chanting was worse than the party noise that usually came from that vicinity.
But living far away, when I see the drunk undergrads stumbling around on the sidewalks at 3PM, or playing beer pong on their front porches, and I start feeling a little nostalgic for undergrad.
Not that we ever partied that much at the school where fun comes to die, but still. I remember on the weekends, I would often go out to a party at 11PM or midnight, and come home at 5AM. Sleep until 1:15, and then race down to the cafeteria for an omelette with tomatoes, ham, mushrooms, and cheese before the cafeteria closed at 1:30. The ultimate hangover food. I usually studied the afternoons. It makes me snicker to think that I had little enough work to allow me to go out Friday night AND Saturday night (and sometimes Thursday too).
*Sigh!*
Those were the days.
Yesterday as I was walking home, some undergrad guys staggered down the sidewalk. "Hey beautiful!" They slurred as they walked by.
Ah beer goggles.
Still, I smiled. There's nothing like being told you're hot by a drunken undergrad to make your evening!
But living far away, when I see the drunk undergrads stumbling around on the sidewalks at 3PM, or playing beer pong on their front porches, and I start feeling a little nostalgic for undergrad.
Not that we ever partied that much at the school where fun comes to die, but still. I remember on the weekends, I would often go out to a party at 11PM or midnight, and come home at 5AM. Sleep until 1:15, and then race down to the cafeteria for an omelette with tomatoes, ham, mushrooms, and cheese before the cafeteria closed at 1:30. The ultimate hangover food. I usually studied the afternoons. It makes me snicker to think that I had little enough work to allow me to go out Friday night AND Saturday night (and sometimes Thursday too).
*Sigh!*
Those were the days.
Yesterday as I was walking home, some undergrad guys staggered down the sidewalk. "Hey beautiful!" They slurred as they walked by.
Ah beer goggles.
Still, I smiled. There's nothing like being told you're hot by a drunken undergrad to make your evening!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Commune
I ran into one of the girls from the house next door. The one that the mom bought (in cash) for her daughter a year ago.
These are the neighbors who literally never (not once) swept their leaves last fall, shoveled the snow this winter, or picked up the garbage that accumulates on the communal stairwell (ongoing). They also don't EVER say hi when you pass them coming in and out of the house.
I'm not sure why this irks me so much. It could be a lot worse. They could have loud parties, actively deface our property, that sort of thing. But I mean come on. Even the reclusive business school professor (who also doesn't sweep his leaves or shovel his snow) says hi when he rides by on his bike in his Unabomber outfit.
We'd seen a whole slew of new people coming in and out of the house over the past few months, but had no idea whether they were friends coming and going, tenants, house sitters, or what. So on Sunday, Luca took the dog out and in so doing practically tripped over two of them sitting on our front stairs.
Even then they didn't say hi.
So on the way back in, HE introduces HIMself and apparently the guy and his girlfriend are in fact new tenants. So now there are 5 people (that we know of) living in a three bedroom house. Maybe some of them live in the basement?
All I have to say is: THANK GOD my neighbor has such nerdy friends and they're relatively benign and quiet!
Now, if only I could get them to pick up the garbage from time to time, and I might decide they're really ok after all.....
These are the neighbors who literally never (not once) swept their leaves last fall, shoveled the snow this winter, or picked up the garbage that accumulates on the communal stairwell (ongoing). They also don't EVER say hi when you pass them coming in and out of the house.
I'm not sure why this irks me so much. It could be a lot worse. They could have loud parties, actively deface our property, that sort of thing. But I mean come on. Even the reclusive business school professor (who also doesn't sweep his leaves or shovel his snow) says hi when he rides by on his bike in his Unabomber outfit.
We'd seen a whole slew of new people coming in and out of the house over the past few months, but had no idea whether they were friends coming and going, tenants, house sitters, or what. So on Sunday, Luca took the dog out and in so doing practically tripped over two of them sitting on our front stairs.
Even then they didn't say hi.
So on the way back in, HE introduces HIMself and apparently the guy and his girlfriend are in fact new tenants. So now there are 5 people (that we know of) living in a three bedroom house. Maybe some of them live in the basement?
All I have to say is: THANK GOD my neighbor has such nerdy friends and they're relatively benign and quiet!
Now, if only I could get them to pick up the garbage from time to time, and I might decide they're really ok after all.....
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sponsor
There's an article in the WSJ today about how women need SPONSORS rather than mentors in order to achieve success in the workplace. A mentor just props up your ego. A sponsor actually enables you to get promoted.
And I have to say, it's pretty true. I mean, it can be hard enough to find a mentor who is willing to give you the time of day, but finding someone who will actually promote your name to other people? Say good things about you to other people (when you are actually good)? I'm guessing this is a problem for a lot of people.
I've noticed that the most successful people I've met spend most of their time talking about how fantastic other people are. This a) gives the impression that they are in some sort of position to assess the fantastic-ness of other people; but b) it also promotes the other people. Not sure if this is a universal trend, but I feel like I am much more likely to see men model this behavior than women.
Ideas as to why this might be?
And then there's this interview with Indra Nooyi about how women need to learn how to accept criticism better, but also how often people are afraid to tell a woman what she is doing wrong to her face, and how that is harmful in the end.
I completely agree with this. And actually, I see myself shying away from presenting my data because I am afraid of having people rip me down. The only way a person can really improve, after all, is to put yourself out there and be corrected. You can't be so afraid of failing that you don't even do that.
I need to get over this. Any tips on how to make it happen?
And ladies, goal for the day: strike up a conversation with someone, and use it to promote a colleague. Maybe it will even make you feel good about yourself too!
And goal #2: Take a risk. Speak up in class. Volunteer for or propose a difficult project.
Someone once gave me the following advice: If you don't find what you're doing at least a little scary, then you're not challenging yourself enough.
And I have to say, it's pretty true. I mean, it can be hard enough to find a mentor who is willing to give you the time of day, but finding someone who will actually promote your name to other people? Say good things about you to other people (when you are actually good)? I'm guessing this is a problem for a lot of people.
I've noticed that the most successful people I've met spend most of their time talking about how fantastic other people are. This a) gives the impression that they are in some sort of position to assess the fantastic-ness of other people; but b) it also promotes the other people. Not sure if this is a universal trend, but I feel like I am much more likely to see men model this behavior than women.
Ideas as to why this might be?
And then there's this interview with Indra Nooyi about how women need to learn how to accept criticism better, but also how often people are afraid to tell a woman what she is doing wrong to her face, and how that is harmful in the end.
I completely agree with this. And actually, I see myself shying away from presenting my data because I am afraid of having people rip me down. The only way a person can really improve, after all, is to put yourself out there and be corrected. You can't be so afraid of failing that you don't even do that.
I need to get over this. Any tips on how to make it happen?
And ladies, goal for the day: strike up a conversation with someone, and use it to promote a colleague. Maybe it will even make you feel good about yourself too!
And goal #2: Take a risk. Speak up in class. Volunteer for or propose a difficult project.
Someone once gave me the following advice: If you don't find what you're doing at least a little scary, then you're not challenging yourself enough.
Pain can make you cranky
About a week ago I decided to start trying to make myself exercise regularly again. By "regularly" I mean swimming 3x per week for about 2000y, and running 1x per week for 2 miles. I had lapsed to almost no exercise. It was bad.
Anyway, as often happens when I start exercising after a period of slothfulness, I pulled a muscle in my lower back.
Now, for those of you who have ever done this to yourself, you know how painful this can be. Things like putting on my pants and socks in the morning become something I dread. Every time Boo pulls on the leash, I brace myself for shooting pains in my back. Nothing (including NSAIDs) really makes it better besides gentle exercise, not sitting or standing for long periods of time, and time.
The really bad pain only lasted about a day, but every so often my back will just freeze up. Like on Saturday I was standing watching the Boo at the dog park, and all of a sudden I couldn't walk without pain, much less chase the Boo and bend over to get her if she got into any trouble. So I asked my husband, "Hey sweetie, would you mind walking Boo on the way home? My back is really bothering me."
And this guy who was there with his dog looks at me and sneers, "SURE it is. That's awfully convenient don't you think?"
WTF????
That made me cranky. I just gave him a dirty look and Luca and I went home.
But what do you even say to something like this? Nothing, I suppose.
It reminded me of my friend who had crippling carpal tunnel syndrome. Her pain was so bad she couldn't sleep, wash her hair, button her pants. One day she was at the airport and was checking her bags, and she asked a woman who worked behind the counter if she could lift her bag onto the scale, since her hand pain was so bad. The woman behind the counter accused her of being lazy, said it wasn't her job to lift the bag, and that my friend should stop being a prima donna and do it herself.
So anyway, there is the pain itself. That can make a person cranky. And then there is the way in which other people respond to you if you ask for help.
That can make you homicidal.
Anyway, as often happens when I start exercising after a period of slothfulness, I pulled a muscle in my lower back.
Now, for those of you who have ever done this to yourself, you know how painful this can be. Things like putting on my pants and socks in the morning become something I dread. Every time Boo pulls on the leash, I brace myself for shooting pains in my back. Nothing (including NSAIDs) really makes it better besides gentle exercise, not sitting or standing for long periods of time, and time.
The really bad pain only lasted about a day, but every so often my back will just freeze up. Like on Saturday I was standing watching the Boo at the dog park, and all of a sudden I couldn't walk without pain, much less chase the Boo and bend over to get her if she got into any trouble. So I asked my husband, "Hey sweetie, would you mind walking Boo on the way home? My back is really bothering me."
And this guy who was there with his dog looks at me and sneers, "SURE it is. That's awfully convenient don't you think?"
WTF????
That made me cranky. I just gave him a dirty look and Luca and I went home.
But what do you even say to something like this? Nothing, I suppose.
It reminded me of my friend who had crippling carpal tunnel syndrome. Her pain was so bad she couldn't sleep, wash her hair, button her pants. One day she was at the airport and was checking her bags, and she asked a woman who worked behind the counter if she could lift her bag onto the scale, since her hand pain was so bad. The woman behind the counter accused her of being lazy, said it wasn't her job to lift the bag, and that my friend should stop being a prima donna and do it herself.
So anyway, there is the pain itself. That can make a person cranky. And then there is the way in which other people respond to you if you ask for help.
That can make you homicidal.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Gah!
My models for one paper are done running, but now I don't have time to finish writing the paper because of all the scut I have to do for my classes!
Gah!!
To do:
Operations Research Class
Problem set (ongoing)
Case -- done!
Practice problems so I do not fail
Outcomes Research Class
Write final paper
Read assignments (ongoing)
Database Class
Ass*#1 (re-do)
Ass#2
Ass#3 (for some reason, due at the same time as Ass#2)
Doctoral Seminar
presentation -- done!
Bounceback paper
finish poster
finish running models
write paper
Resident paper
Finish writing paper
Submit manuscript
I can't wait until this stupid semester is over.
*I am using this abbreviation because that is what I think of this class
Gah!!
To do:
Operations Research Class
Problem set (ongoing)
Practice problems so I do not fail
Outcomes Research Class
Write final paper
Read assignments (ongoing)
Database Class
Ass*#1 (re-do)
Ass#2
Ass#3 (for some reason, due at the same time as Ass#2)
Doctoral Seminar
Bounceback paper
finish poster
finish running models
write paper
Resident paper
Finish writing paper
Submit manuscript
I can't wait until this stupid semester is over.
*I am using this abbreviation because that is what I think of this class
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Operations Research
For a while, when I was working in business mulling over whether or not to go to grad school, and if I went, what would I study, I considered getting a PhD in Operations Research.
It seemed like an interesting idea at the time, is all I can say.
OMG, wow I hate it. Ok, some applications are interesting when applied to a health care setting, but holy cow I cannot stand doing my homework for the class I am taking now. It probably has to do with the fact that I am learning about how to pick order quantities (woohoo!) in the face of uncertainty, and the fact that each class gives me a teeny PTSD flashback to my days working at the industrial supply company from hell.
My loathing for this class is so intense that I found myself working on a paper for another class so that I wouldn't HAVE to do practice problems for my OPIM class.
And guys. I really need to do practice problems so that I DON'T FAIL.
So in sum: PhD in Operations Research = Glad I dodged that bullet!
It seemed like an interesting idea at the time, is all I can say.
OMG, wow I hate it. Ok, some applications are interesting when applied to a health care setting, but holy cow I cannot stand doing my homework for the class I am taking now. It probably has to do with the fact that I am learning about how to pick order quantities (woohoo!) in the face of uncertainty, and the fact that each class gives me a teeny PTSD flashback to my days working at the industrial supply company from hell.
My loathing for this class is so intense that I found myself working on a paper for another class so that I wouldn't HAVE to do practice problems for my OPIM class.
And guys. I really need to do practice problems so that I DON'T FAIL.
So in sum: PhD in Operations Research = Glad I dodged that bullet!
Friday, April 08, 2011
Plan
I was talking to a pregnant friend of mine last week. Of course (as is inevitable it seems) the conversation turned to pregnancy and birth.
You would be proud of me, dear readers. I refrained from telling any birth stories from my Ob/Gyn rotation.
I listened with amusement as she complained about the brusqueness of one of the Obs she saw. Apparently, the Ob told her she was "boring." I tried to explain that this was a good thing! Boring is just what you want to be when you're a patient. But that, yes, I understood what bothered her about that.
Still, she was offended.
Then she told me about her friend's birth and how she felt that her birth had gone perfectly, and that all the staff were very professional. Nobody pressured her to do anything that wasn't already in her birth plan.
I stood there thinking to myself, "And if it HADN'T gone perfectly. If she'd needed an emergency c-section, would she still be effusing over the professionalism of the staff."
I am thinking no, though perhaps I am cynical.
So I told my friend: Well, with some luck, hopefully things will go just as well for you. But if they don't, it's not anyone's fault. Just realize you have a lot less control over the situation than you probably want, and do what you need to do to get a healthy baby. I'm sure everything will be just fine, though. Most Obs really do try to respect the mom's wishes.
I wasn't trying to scare her. I really hope I didn't. But you know? I think a lot of women lose sight of the fact that giving birth is about ending up with a healthy baby and mom. It's not about "the experience." If it's a great empowering experience for you, more power to you, but it's not like you're a failure if you end up with a c-section.
As with all things that you have little to no control over, sometimes it's best to just go with the flow.
Maybe it would have been better to just agree with everything she said. I don't know. Sometimes it's weird listening to friends complain about doctors when you stand there thinking that you agree with the doctor, but you don't want to make your friend mad.
You would be proud of me, dear readers. I refrained from telling any birth stories from my Ob/Gyn rotation.
I listened with amusement as she complained about the brusqueness of one of the Obs she saw. Apparently, the Ob told her she was "boring." I tried to explain that this was a good thing! Boring is just what you want to be when you're a patient. But that, yes, I understood what bothered her about that.
Still, she was offended.
Then she told me about her friend's birth and how she felt that her birth had gone perfectly, and that all the staff were very professional. Nobody pressured her to do anything that wasn't already in her birth plan.
I stood there thinking to myself, "And if it HADN'T gone perfectly. If she'd needed an emergency c-section, would she still be effusing over the professionalism of the staff."
I am thinking no, though perhaps I am cynical.
So I told my friend: Well, with some luck, hopefully things will go just as well for you. But if they don't, it's not anyone's fault. Just realize you have a lot less control over the situation than you probably want, and do what you need to do to get a healthy baby. I'm sure everything will be just fine, though. Most Obs really do try to respect the mom's wishes.
I wasn't trying to scare her. I really hope I didn't. But you know? I think a lot of women lose sight of the fact that giving birth is about ending up with a healthy baby and mom. It's not about "the experience." If it's a great empowering experience for you, more power to you, but it's not like you're a failure if you end up with a c-section.
As with all things that you have little to no control over, sometimes it's best to just go with the flow.
Maybe it would have been better to just agree with everything she said. I don't know. Sometimes it's weird listening to friends complain about doctors when you stand there thinking that you agree with the doctor, but you don't want to make your friend mad.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Grrrrrr.....
Was just reading the Pauline Chen piece today about residency work hours reform. One bit really got my hackles up:
Junior doctors in the European Union have faced even tighter regulations. Since 2009, doctors-in-training have been restricted to working no more than 52 hours per week; beginning in 2012, the limit will be 48 hours.
Why does this irritate me so?
Every so often I hear from my in-laws about how hard Luca's cousin works as a surgery resident in Italy. Poor baby! They exclaim. Such a hard worker. It's a miracle that he's been able to handle all this stress.
Yes, all 52 hours per week of it. He gets to the hospital at 8 and is home by 6 most days. Poor baby, indeed.
It really makes me bristle. If ONLY I got to work 52 hours in a week! Gah! I can't remember the last time I did that.
As a side note, I've been liking Pauline Chen's column more recently. She seems to have lost the sanctimonious tone she had the first year or so she wrote for the Times, and she irritates me less. Even if she is opposed to work hours reform.
Junior doctors in the European Union have faced even tighter regulations. Since 2009, doctors-in-training have been restricted to working no more than 52 hours per week; beginning in 2012, the limit will be 48 hours.
Why does this irritate me so?
Every so often I hear from my in-laws about how hard Luca's cousin works as a surgery resident in Italy. Poor baby! They exclaim. Such a hard worker. It's a miracle that he's been able to handle all this stress.
Yes, all 52 hours per week of it. He gets to the hospital at 8 and is home by 6 most days. Poor baby, indeed.
It really makes me bristle. If ONLY I got to work 52 hours in a week! Gah! I can't remember the last time I did that.
As a side note, I've been liking Pauline Chen's column more recently. She seems to have lost the sanctimonious tone she had the first year or so she wrote for the Times, and she irritates me less. Even if she is opposed to work hours reform.
Look back
I've been looking back at some of my posts and thinking, huh, I've been on kind of a downtrip lately. So instead of being my usual whiny self, I've decided to blog this morning about something good!
So as you all know, Miss Boo has been enrolled in Control Unleashed. It's a bit of a misnomer. The goal of the class is to reduce reactivity and improve her focus on me. I'd also like it to start convincing her not to run off every time we let her off the leash.
At first, the class was lame. It was FAR too basic for her. She had already mastered the skills they were teaching us, and had done so a while ago.
And I guess, that's still the case.
But the big secret to dog school being a good experience is to a) practice, and b) already know how to get your dog to do the things they'll be teaching. That way, dog school can be about MASTERING skills and doing them with distraction more than about frustration, as in, "Wah! I can't get my dog to go to the mat!"
This Monday we did some more box work, where she is off leash in this enclosed area and gets clicked and treated every time she re-orients to me. This week we added people running around the box, the squeaky toy (not able to squeak it yet), Luca with the squeaky toy, and a dog on a mat nearby as distractions, and she did really really well. Watching some of the other dogs in the class, and seeing all the problems they were having made me realize just how far we've come with her reactivity in the past 6 months.
Case in point, she can now relax enough to pee in the park when there are other dogs present. Still no #2, but seriously, that would have been completely unheard of 6 months ago.
And two days ago we were walking and came across two stray pits, she didn't bark or lunge, and remained calm and non-squirmy when I picked her up and walked away. A potentially dangerous situation was diffused! I was so proud of her.
Who knows if any of this will translate to agility class, but in a way, who cares. She calms down more quickly when she sees other dogs and cats when we're out walking, making the entire experience more enjoyable.
Yesterday I even let a child in the park (who was closely supervised) pet the Boo. I NEVER do this, since she tends to lunge and jump. But this time I got her to stop lunging and jumping and the little girl was able to pet her. While this was happening, I noticed the Boo was trembling, which made me realize that fear is the driving force behind a lot of these behaviors with her. This is why when she hears a dog barking in a house as we walk by, she zooms away. I'm trying to think of ways I can decondition her to that as well.
As a side note, I asked my mentor if I could take a week of vacation in early May. His reply:
Sure. Although I appreciate the consideration, you certainly don't need my permission to take a well-deserved vacation. The virtues of being a graduate student!
So, apparently things are going better on that front as well. Yay!
Now, if only I could get rid of these stupid classes I'm taking, then life might just be perfect.
:-)
So as you all know, Miss Boo has been enrolled in Control Unleashed. It's a bit of a misnomer. The goal of the class is to reduce reactivity and improve her focus on me. I'd also like it to start convincing her not to run off every time we let her off the leash.
At first, the class was lame. It was FAR too basic for her. She had already mastered the skills they were teaching us, and had done so a while ago.
And I guess, that's still the case.
But the big secret to dog school being a good experience is to a) practice, and b) already know how to get your dog to do the things they'll be teaching. That way, dog school can be about MASTERING skills and doing them with distraction more than about frustration, as in, "Wah! I can't get my dog to go to the mat!"
This Monday we did some more box work, where she is off leash in this enclosed area and gets clicked and treated every time she re-orients to me. This week we added people running around the box, the squeaky toy (not able to squeak it yet), Luca with the squeaky toy, and a dog on a mat nearby as distractions, and she did really really well. Watching some of the other dogs in the class, and seeing all the problems they were having made me realize just how far we've come with her reactivity in the past 6 months.
Case in point, she can now relax enough to pee in the park when there are other dogs present. Still no #2, but seriously, that would have been completely unheard of 6 months ago.
And two days ago we were walking and came across two stray pits, she didn't bark or lunge, and remained calm and non-squirmy when I picked her up and walked away. A potentially dangerous situation was diffused! I was so proud of her.
Who knows if any of this will translate to agility class, but in a way, who cares. She calms down more quickly when she sees other dogs and cats when we're out walking, making the entire experience more enjoyable.
Yesterday I even let a child in the park (who was closely supervised) pet the Boo. I NEVER do this, since she tends to lunge and jump. But this time I got her to stop lunging and jumping and the little girl was able to pet her. While this was happening, I noticed the Boo was trembling, which made me realize that fear is the driving force behind a lot of these behaviors with her. This is why when she hears a dog barking in a house as we walk by, she zooms away. I'm trying to think of ways I can decondition her to that as well.
As a side note, I asked my mentor if I could take a week of vacation in early May. His reply:
Sure. Although I appreciate the consideration, you certainly don't need my permission to take a well-deserved vacation. The virtues of being a graduate student!
So, apparently things are going better on that front as well. Yay!
Now, if only I could get rid of these stupid classes I'm taking, then life might just be perfect.
:-)
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Bummer realization of the past month
When I was in med school, I was a good med student. By the time I went to PhD-land, I had gotten really good at acting the way I was supposed to, and doing the things I was supposed to do. I knew lots of handy med facts so I did pretty well when I was pimped. I was getting the hang of taking a good concise history, and writing notes.
Sure, I got things wrong sometimes, looked stupid sometimes. But when that happened, I'd come home and read, and I'd get better.
Then I came to PhD-land. The land where I feel stupid on an almost continual basis. Where I feel as though I will never actually master what I need to know. Where someone else always has a better answer. Where I am told my questions are stupid.
I know it will end eventually, but really? I don't want to go back to med-land. See, I don't remember jack, and I will no longer be that good medical student. Sure, I'll still know how to act (we hope, and I suppose that is 1/2 the battle), but all those random facts my head was filled with? All the pathophys that people love to pimp you on? That is all. gone. from my brain.
Therefore I know when I go back to med school I will get to feel stupid in new and different ways.
I suppose it's like that for everyone to a certain extent even if they never took time off for a PhD, and that I should just get used to it. Still, it would be nice to feel smart once again, even if only for a few minutes.
Sure, I got things wrong sometimes, looked stupid sometimes. But when that happened, I'd come home and read, and I'd get better.
Then I came to PhD-land. The land where I feel stupid on an almost continual basis. Where I feel as though I will never actually master what I need to know. Where someone else always has a better answer. Where I am told my questions are stupid.
I know it will end eventually, but really? I don't want to go back to med-land. See, I don't remember jack, and I will no longer be that good medical student. Sure, I'll still know how to act (we hope, and I suppose that is 1/2 the battle), but all those random facts my head was filled with? All the pathophys that people love to pimp you on? That is all. gone. from my brain.
Therefore I know when I go back to med school I will get to feel stupid in new and different ways.
I suppose it's like that for everyone to a certain extent even if they never took time off for a PhD, and that I should just get used to it. Still, it would be nice to feel smart once again, even if only for a few minutes.
Monday, April 04, 2011
Seminar
I decided that this seminar would be good for me:
How to Feel As Bright and Capable As Everyone Seems to Think You Are: What Every Woman and Man Needs to Know About Competence, the Impostor Syndrome, and the Art of Winging It
Dr. Valerie Young is an internationally-known workshop leader and public speaker who specializes in helping women and men reach their full potential. A self-described "recovering impostor," she earned her doctoral degree in Education from the University of Massachusetts in Amherst where her research focused on understanding and eliminating the psychological barriers preventing women from embracing their full potential.
She has presented on the Impostor Syndrome and other topics to students, alumni, faculty, and staff at numerous colleges and universities including Harvard, Johns Hopkins, MIT, California Institute of Technology and Michigan State University as well to such diverse organizations as Intel, Boeing, Procter & Gamble, IMB, Ernst & Young, Chrysler, Society of Women Engineers, and American Women in Radio and Television.
The Impostor Syndrome is the persistent feeling experienced by many high achievers that they aren’t as smart and capable as their credentials would suggest. Research has shown that many academics suffer from gnawing feelings of inadequacy. Smart, talented students and postdocs – and women especially -- often reveal that they believe they are frauds, that it is a mistake or a matter of luck that they have succeeded, and that they are sure someone will find out the truth – that they just aren’t as smart as their record shows.
I've felt like an impostor ever I started in this program 5 years ago. Like they made some sort of big mistake when they admitted me. God! When I even think about this, it makes me want to cry!
Maybe this seminar will help me not feel like that anymore.
How to Feel As Bright and Capable As Everyone Seems to Think You Are: What Every Woman and Man Needs to Know About Competence, the Impostor Syndrome, and the Art of Winging It
Dr. Valerie Young is an internationally-known workshop leader and public speaker who specializes in helping women and men reach their full potential. A self-described "recovering impostor," she earned her doctoral degree in Education from the University of Massachusetts in Amherst where her research focused on understanding and eliminating the psychological barriers preventing women from embracing their full potential.
She has presented on the Impostor Syndrome and other topics to students, alumni, faculty, and staff at numerous colleges and universities including Harvard, Johns Hopkins, MIT, California Institute of Technology and Michigan State University as well to such diverse organizations as Intel, Boeing, Procter & Gamble, IMB, Ernst & Young, Chrysler, Society of Women Engineers, and American Women in Radio and Television.
The Impostor Syndrome is the persistent feeling experienced by many high achievers that they aren’t as smart and capable as their credentials would suggest. Research has shown that many academics suffer from gnawing feelings of inadequacy. Smart, talented students and postdocs – and women especially -- often reveal that they believe they are frauds, that it is a mistake or a matter of luck that they have succeeded, and that they are sure someone will find out the truth – that they just aren’t as smart as their record shows.
I've felt like an impostor ever I started in this program 5 years ago. Like they made some sort of big mistake when they admitted me. God! When I even think about this, it makes me want to cry!
Maybe this seminar will help me not feel like that anymore.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
She made it to foster care!
Some of you might remember that Luca and I picked up a stray a few weeks back and had to take her to the ACCT. We were so worried that she would be euthanized! But it turns out that she hasn't been, and she has made it to foster care.
Her link and description are here. I can tell you the description is 100% true. She was so calm and sweet. She walked nicely on the leash and didn't pull. She didn't appear to be reactive to cats or other dogs. And she was completely terrified of the car. She was afraid to get in, and then when we were able to lift her onto the backseat, she sat there trembling for the entire ride.
If you want to adopt her, contact the person who is listed in her description. I really hope she finds a good home.
Her link and description are here. I can tell you the description is 100% true. She was so calm and sweet. She walked nicely on the leash and didn't pull. She didn't appear to be reactive to cats or other dogs. And she was completely terrified of the car. She was afraid to get in, and then when we were able to lift her onto the backseat, she sat there trembling for the entire ride.
If you want to adopt her, contact the person who is listed in her description. I really hope she finds a good home.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Post
I went to the project team meeting of another PI yesterday just to see what it was like. I'm thinking I might want him on my committee?
He has a bigger and more established research group than my current team, and seems to be A LOT more involved in the day to day running of the projects than my PI. This isn't necessarily a good thing. The fellows/ attendings who worked with him seemed to delegate 90% of the analytical work to programmers. It's probably pragmatic given the amount of time practicing drs have to devote to their data relative to me. But as a PhD student, I think it's important to do the data crunching so that you get to know your data more intimately.
The other major difference is that the drs in this group are all surgeons, whereas the ones in my group are all medicine people. I really liked them. They had a great dynamic. They were easier to talk to, more interested in me, and I don't know, less.... malignant? They smiled. They didn't have a bunch of obnoxious inside jokes. And! Two of them actually remembered me from my clerkships!
I don't know, it's these little things that make a difference, you know? Nobody in internal medicine ever seems to be able to remember my name.
Of course at the end of the meeting, at 6:30 in the evening, the fellow(?) whose research we had been discussing made a comment about the fact that she was post-call. This made me feel like vomiting -- exhausted on her behalf. Jesus.
See this is the problem with medicine. Too many people think it's cool to brag about how little they sleep. Cool to *actually* sleep very little. I wish I could say this attitude was just prevalent in surgery, but it's not. I wish *I* needed 6 hours or less a night. But I don't. This scares me.
But at least I liked her, which is more than I can say for a lot of IM people I meet. They -- all of the surgeons there -- had so much energy. They were lively. They made jokes. They were relatively laid back. It felt comfortable.
At the end, one of the attendings asked me jokingly whether I'd decided where I wanted to do my [insert specialty here] surgery fellowship yet. I laughed and said that I'd be 50 when I finally became an attending if I went that path. Then I paused. I guess it would be almost the same amount of time if I subspecialized in medicine too, I said.
Sigh.
Decisions decisions.
(Also there's no way I'm doing surgery. Anesthesiology? Perhaps? I don't know. I wonder if I didn't know I wasn't going into surgery if I'd find it less intriguing?)
He has a bigger and more established research group than my current team, and seems to be A LOT more involved in the day to day running of the projects than my PI. This isn't necessarily a good thing. The fellows/ attendings who worked with him seemed to delegate 90% of the analytical work to programmers. It's probably pragmatic given the amount of time practicing drs have to devote to their data relative to me. But as a PhD student, I think it's important to do the data crunching so that you get to know your data more intimately.
The other major difference is that the drs in this group are all surgeons, whereas the ones in my group are all medicine people. I really liked them. They had a great dynamic. They were easier to talk to, more interested in me, and I don't know, less.... malignant? They smiled. They didn't have a bunch of obnoxious inside jokes. And! Two of them actually remembered me from my clerkships!
I don't know, it's these little things that make a difference, you know? Nobody in internal medicine ever seems to be able to remember my name.
Of course at the end of the meeting, at 6:30 in the evening, the fellow(?) whose research we had been discussing made a comment about the fact that she was post-call. This made me feel like vomiting -- exhausted on her behalf. Jesus.
See this is the problem with medicine. Too many people think it's cool to brag about how little they sleep. Cool to *actually* sleep very little. I wish I could say this attitude was just prevalent in surgery, but it's not. I wish *I* needed 6 hours or less a night. But I don't. This scares me.
But at least I liked her, which is more than I can say for a lot of IM people I meet. They -- all of the surgeons there -- had so much energy. They were lively. They made jokes. They were relatively laid back. It felt comfortable.
At the end, one of the attendings asked me jokingly whether I'd decided where I wanted to do my [insert specialty here] surgery fellowship yet. I laughed and said that I'd be 50 when I finally became an attending if I went that path. Then I paused. I guess it would be almost the same amount of time if I subspecialized in medicine too, I said.
Sigh.
Decisions decisions.
(Also there's no way I'm doing surgery. Anesthesiology? Perhaps? I don't know. I wonder if I didn't know I wasn't going into surgery if I'd find it less intriguing?)
Friday, April 01, 2011
Holy $h*t it ran!
I was checking the models I had running on the grid tonight, right before I went upstairs to go to bed. This was to make sure that none of them had hit an error in my code and bombed out. And I typed qstat -f, and I saw that only two models were running, and I thought crap. Which one had the problem.
And as it turned out, it was the one that I started on the grid on 3/21. It finally finished running tonight!
Woot!
I guess I know what I'll be working on this weekend.
And as it turned out, it was the one that I started on the grid on 3/21. It finally finished running tonight!
Woot!
I guess I know what I'll be working on this weekend.
Almost done
This semester can't be done soon enough. For the first part of the semester, most of my classes I was taking were useful. This part of the semester, that number has dwindled to 1 class out of 4.
Now granted, THAT class is incredibly useful. It's the other three that are driving me nuts.
I tallied up the amount of time I'm wasting either in class or preparing for class each week. Here are the #s:
In class:
Class #1 -- 2 hours
Class #2 -- 3 hours
Class #3 -- 3 hours
Class #4 -- 3 hours
Total -- 11 hours
Walking to and from class:
30 min/class x 7 = 3.5 hours
Preparing for class:
Class #1 -- 1-2 hours (i.e. I try to do as little as possible)
Class #2 -- 10-15 hours
Class #3 -- 4-5 hours
Class #4 -- 2-3 hours also I try to do as little as possible for this one)
Total -- 17 - 25 hours
For a grand total of 31 - 39 hours per week. Considering about 3/4 of this is wasted time, you can see why this displeases me.
Of course, I'm also supposed to be working on these two papers. Fortunately, my programs have been running on the grid, so there's not a heck of a lot to do at this precise moment. However I have 2 manuscripts and a poster (if not 2 posters) I'd like to have completed by the end of the semester. So I really do need to be writing and doing ancillary analyses.
Plus (in theory) I'd like to be doing some reviewing for my quals. Though, those aren't until August, so that can realistically wait.
Just imagine how without the bad classes I'd have 20-30 hours more time per week to do work that was actually germane to my dissertation research.
Now can you see why I'm annoyed?
I know I keep beating this drum and everyone is tired of hearing it. I am tired of it too! Unfortunately for all of you (and for me!) I will probably continue to bitch until May 6th when the semester finally (FINALLY) is over.
Just 5 more weeks to go.
You have been warned.
Now granted, THAT class is incredibly useful. It's the other three that are driving me nuts.
I tallied up the amount of time I'm wasting either in class or preparing for class each week. Here are the #s:
In class:
Class #1 -- 2 hours
Class #2 -- 3 hours
Class #3 -- 3 hours
Class #4 -- 3 hours
Total -- 11 hours
Walking to and from class:
30 min/class x 7 = 3.5 hours
Preparing for class:
Class #1 -- 1-2 hours (i.e. I try to do as little as possible)
Class #2 -- 10-15 hours
Class #3 -- 4-5 hours
Class #4 -- 2-3 hours also I try to do as little as possible for this one)
Total -- 17 - 25 hours
For a grand total of 31 - 39 hours per week. Considering about 3/4 of this is wasted time, you can see why this displeases me.
Of course, I'm also supposed to be working on these two papers. Fortunately, my programs have been running on the grid, so there's not a heck of a lot to do at this precise moment. However I have 2 manuscripts and a poster (if not 2 posters) I'd like to have completed by the end of the semester. So I really do need to be writing and doing ancillary analyses.
Plus (in theory) I'd like to be doing some reviewing for my quals. Though, those aren't until August, so that can realistically wait.
Just imagine how without the bad classes I'd have 20-30 hours more time per week to do work that was actually germane to my dissertation research.
Now can you see why I'm annoyed?
I know I keep beating this drum and everyone is tired of hearing it. I am tired of it too! Unfortunately for all of you (and for me!) I will probably continue to bitch until May 6th when the semester finally (FINALLY) is over.
Just 5 more weeks to go.
You have been warned.
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