After a meeting today, we were all getting up to leave, and the attendees for the next meeting started filing in. One of them congratulated one of the fellows on her new baby. The fellow said thanks.
And then....
"So, did you go NATURAL?"
WTF??
Since when is it ok to ask a woman the details of how she gave birth? I would NEVER ask someone I wasn't really really good friends with whether they had a c-section even, let alone what kind of pain control they used.
And let me make one thing clear, these women WORKED together. In fact, I think the person who asked was a subordinate of the fellow, though not another doctor.
I don't know exactly how I would have responded. Fortunately, the fellow had "gone natural" and could say that (because God knows that's the superior way to give birth). But still, I felt that the question was completely inappropriate.
I think the correct response is this: That is none of your business, you nosy bitch. WHO are you, again, and what gives you the right to ask me prying questions about my medical history?
It's just too bad that nobody has the balls to actually say that.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Anything for a piece of cheese
There's nothing like a high value treat to make a dog learn fast.
Yesterday we received a baby gift from my brother and sister in law (thank you!!) and it came in this huge box. I decided it would be cool to teach the Boo to jump in the box ("get in the box"). It seriously took 1 try, and then she started "offering" to jump in and out of the box in order to receive another treat.
Luca took things a step farther. He taught her to jump into and then out of the box, like a bounce (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse_jumping_obstacles) obstacle ("in and out"). That similarly took about two tries.
Apparently she really likes Swiss cheese.
Now, if only she could be as good at learning not to be reactive to other dogs, then we might really be onto something....
Yesterday we received a baby gift from my brother and sister in law (thank you!!) and it came in this huge box. I decided it would be cool to teach the Boo to jump in the box ("get in the box"). It seriously took 1 try, and then she started "offering" to jump in and out of the box in order to receive another treat.
Luca took things a step farther. He taught her to jump into and then out of the box, like a bounce (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse_jumping_obstacles) obstacle ("in and out"). That similarly took about two tries.
Apparently she really likes Swiss cheese.
Now, if only she could be as good at learning not to be reactive to other dogs, then we might really be onto something....
Monday, November 28, 2011
Things I miss
I was talking to some friends the other day about being pregnant, and they said to me, "How do you like being able to eat whatever you want??"
And I said, "Are you freaking kidding me?? For the first time in my life I've had to actually WATCH what I eat! And it sucks!"
The truth is, my pre-pregnancy diet consisted of almost exclusively forbidden foods. Sandwiches with cold cuts, sushi, stinky cheeses. I also have had to add a ton of fruits and vegetables in order to keep the system from getting, er.... backed up. Which meant cutting even more other stuff out.
And then there was the dramatic reduction in physical activity. Prior to getting pregnant, I was walking to and from school, AND walking the dog every day -- on an EASY day. 4-5 days per week I also did formal exercise like running, swimming, lifting weights, or climbing. Clearly that has mostly gone out the window.
I suppose the best part about this change is that I've been able to figure out how to modulate my weight with food. The sucky part is I learned just how little I'm able to eat if I'm not exercising. Now that I'm down to walking 1.5 miles per day since I'm forcing myself to take the bus at least TO school, I'm going to have to eat even less.
Argh.
At least I'm into my 32nd week. And at 23 lbs and counting, while I *could* end up over the recommended 25-35 lbs, it's looking less likely. Phew! Crossing my fingers for no more lectures from that damn NP! I see an actual doctor next visit. I wonder if that's because of the visit to the ED for the contractions I had two weeks ago...... In any case, I'll be interested to see if I like her better.
Other things I miss..... I miss being able to walk upstairs without getting winded. I miss being able to sleep through the night. I miss being able to put on my socks without difficulty. I REALLY REALLY miss being able to go for a run (even though I've never loved running). I wanted to go to NYC with Luca to see an exhibit at the Guggenheim, but ultimately we nixed the idea because we decided I'd probably be completely exhausted by the time I walked to the museum.
I miss wearing cute clothes. I keep getting the J.Crew catalog, and I think, "I really like the cuts and color palate this year. Too bad I WON'T FIT INTO ANY OF IT!!" And shoes. I really want to buy a pair of boots, but there's no point! I have no idea whether it's edema, or whether my feet have permanently spread, but they're definitely bigger. I will need to hold off on any new footwear until I figure out what's going on in that department.
But you know what I like about pregnancy? Last night I was sitting at the kitchen tablegetting distracted by the internet doing work on a presentation, thinking about how lucky I am to have a husband, a house, Miss Boo, an almost term baby, projects that seem to be progressing at school and a research agenda that I care about at one of the best programs in the country, and that I'm getting along better with my mentor -- really well, in fact.
I thought to myself, "What if this whole academic thing doesn't work out? What if I physically can't work hard enough to do it? (Pregnancy has put me much more in touch with my physical limitations.)" And I decided, who f-ing cares. I loved being a doctor too (well, being a sub-i, anyway), and if I end up being "just" a doctor to support myself and my family, that's ok, and I'm still really lucky. And I have a good 15 years left of being able to do research *I WANT* until the tenure clock runs out, worst case scenario, if that ends up being the way I go. And then I'll still have choices between doctor, policy person, industry. Which are great choices to have.
It was a rare zen moment for me. If I've had to suffer the discomforts of pregnancy to get there, I'd say it's totally been worth it.
And I said, "Are you freaking kidding me?? For the first time in my life I've had to actually WATCH what I eat! And it sucks!"
The truth is, my pre-pregnancy diet consisted of almost exclusively forbidden foods. Sandwiches with cold cuts, sushi, stinky cheeses. I also have had to add a ton of fruits and vegetables in order to keep the system from getting, er.... backed up. Which meant cutting even more other stuff out.
And then there was the dramatic reduction in physical activity. Prior to getting pregnant, I was walking to and from school, AND walking the dog every day -- on an EASY day. 4-5 days per week I also did formal exercise like running, swimming, lifting weights, or climbing. Clearly that has mostly gone out the window.
I suppose the best part about this change is that I've been able to figure out how to modulate my weight with food. The sucky part is I learned just how little I'm able to eat if I'm not exercising. Now that I'm down to walking 1.5 miles per day since I'm forcing myself to take the bus at least TO school, I'm going to have to eat even less.
Argh.
At least I'm into my 32nd week. And at 23 lbs and counting, while I *could* end up over the recommended 25-35 lbs, it's looking less likely. Phew! Crossing my fingers for no more lectures from that damn NP! I see an actual doctor next visit. I wonder if that's because of the visit to the ED for the contractions I had two weeks ago...... In any case, I'll be interested to see if I like her better.
Other things I miss..... I miss being able to walk upstairs without getting winded. I miss being able to sleep through the night. I miss being able to put on my socks without difficulty. I REALLY REALLY miss being able to go for a run (even though I've never loved running). I wanted to go to NYC with Luca to see an exhibit at the Guggenheim, but ultimately we nixed the idea because we decided I'd probably be completely exhausted by the time I walked to the museum.
I miss wearing cute clothes. I keep getting the J.Crew catalog, and I think, "I really like the cuts and color palate this year. Too bad I WON'T FIT INTO ANY OF IT!!" And shoes. I really want to buy a pair of boots, but there's no point! I have no idea whether it's edema, or whether my feet have permanently spread, but they're definitely bigger. I will need to hold off on any new footwear until I figure out what's going on in that department.
But you know what I like about pregnancy? Last night I was sitting at the kitchen table
I thought to myself, "What if this whole academic thing doesn't work out? What if I physically can't work hard enough to do it? (Pregnancy has put me much more in touch with my physical limitations.)" And I decided, who f-ing cares. I loved being a doctor too (well, being a sub-i, anyway), and if I end up being "just" a doctor to support myself and my family, that's ok, and I'm still really lucky. And I have a good 15 years left of being able to do research *I WANT* until the tenure clock runs out, worst case scenario, if that ends up being the way I go. And then I'll still have choices between doctor, policy person, industry. Which are great choices to have.
It was a rare zen moment for me. If I've had to suffer the discomforts of pregnancy to get there, I'd say it's totally been worth it.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Things I would like to get done before the baby is born
- Get manuscript #1 accepted, or AT LEAST get revise and resubmit submitted
- Get protocols for Aims 2 + 3 of my dissertation completed and circulating before my oral candidacy exam
- Finish manuscript #2 which I've been sitting on for ages and get it submitted
- Recruit two data collectors to review charts for Aim 2, submit IRB for Aim 2, and start data collection (this one may be a stretch)
- My hope was originally to start the analysis for Aim 3 as well, but that may be biting off a bit too much....
At some point I'm also going to have to write a protocol change request for my grant since it looks like we're not going to have sufficient power to do the analysis we proposed. On one hand, it's a bummer that this study won't get done. On the other, it's one less thing for me to do which is the opposite of a bummer.
If I give birth in 5 weeks, I probably won't be able to get all of this done. If it's 8 weeks, it might be more possible.
We'll just have to see.
- Get protocols for Aims 2 + 3 of my dissertation completed and circulating before my oral candidacy exam
- Finish manuscript #2 which I've been sitting on for ages and get it submitted
- Recruit two data collectors to review charts for Aim 2, submit IRB for Aim 2, and start data collection (this one may be a stretch)
- My hope was originally to start the analysis for Aim 3 as well, but that may be biting off a bit too much....
At some point I'm also going to have to write a protocol change request for my grant since it looks like we're not going to have sufficient power to do the analysis we proposed. On one hand, it's a bummer that this study won't get done. On the other, it's one less thing for me to do which is the opposite of a bummer.
If I give birth in 5 weeks, I probably won't be able to get all of this done. If it's 8 weeks, it might be more possible.
We'll just have to see.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Turkey Day
So, my parents came for Thanksgiving on Wednesday, and left this morning. And I have to say, it was the best Thanksgiving we've had in several years, even though Luca and I had to do all the work. Actually, I think one of the reasons it was so awesome is BECAUSE we had to do all the work.
One of my favorite things to do with my husband is to cook with him. He is a great partner. This time, he picked out the recipes for all of the side dishes, while I figured out how to roast a turkey and make gravy (it even came out not-lumpy). We did the grocery shopping together, and I figured out how we should stagger the cooking of each dish so that we could have everything made by 4:30. He made for an excellent sous chef and also kept up with the dishes so that we actually had pots and pans to use for each stage. And he cleaned up afterwards when I had beached myself on the couch. I'm telling you, the man is a saint.
It turned out AWESOME.
The turkey was actually moist. The meat thermometer that my parents gave me for Christmas last year was instrumental in this.
The sweet potatoes with pecans were my favorite dish, probably because they tasted a bit like pie.... I think this was Luca's favorite too.
My mother liked the stuffing recipe so much (Silver Palate -- Cornbread, sausage, and apple stuffing) that she actually requested it. (Hint: we added a bunch of chicken stock to it before we baked it, which is why it came out moist.)
We also had garlic mashed potatoes (instant -- what can I say, I was raised on instant mashed potatoes and have always preferred them to homemade. I know, blasphemy.)
And then there were the Brussels sprouts with pancetta, though if you must know, we just used regular bacon and they tasted great anyway.
We had cranberry sauce out of the can -- YUM!!
We were going to make rolls, but had so much cornbread left over that we just had that instead.
The only flop was peas au gratin. It was an Emeril recipe, and it was so spicy, you couldn't actually taste the peas. In fact, you could barely eat it, and it clashed with the other food. We didn't even keep the leftovers.
We were so full after consuming dinner that we didn't even have space for pie. Which is fine, since I got to consume some today instead. :-)
Miss Boo behaved impeccably. She even refrained from jumping up on my mother, which was a minor miracle. My mother refrained from feeding the dog off her plate (that's my job), and we therefore avoided diarrhea today. Luca and I showed my parents the trick repertoire we make her do before she can get her dinner, and they were very impressed. Hopefully the next time we visit them in CT, and the Boo decides to attack William (their standard poodle), they will recall that the Boo IS in fact very highly trained, and that she is just a bitch to other dogs. There is a difference, people!
And most importantly, we all got along. We didn't yell at each other once, which really is a holiday miracle. Haha. My parents even gave me what I consider to be very useful advice regarding things we will need for the baby. My mom also told me that I was sleeping through the night by 3 months, and that she had no trouble breastfeeding. Which is really a relief. If you read the internet, I think it's possible to come to the conclusion that breastfeeding is the most difficult thing in the world to do, and it was nice to hear at least ONE story of someone who didn't have problems. The sleeping through the night part was a relief too. Maybe Luca and I will get lucky and end up with a similarly inclined baby.
Fingers crossed!
Tomorrow I will be 32 weeks, so only 5-9 weeks of this pregnancy to go. The countdown begins. Up until a week or so ago, it really wasn't so bad. Now however, I am beginning to feel really large and encumbered. The baby is expected to add 3-5 more POUNDS before it comes out, and I can only imagine how difficult that will make putting on my socks and getting out of chairs.
I'm sure it will be tough, but Luca and are are still really excited!
One of my favorite things to do with my husband is to cook with him. He is a great partner. This time, he picked out the recipes for all of the side dishes, while I figured out how to roast a turkey and make gravy (it even came out not-lumpy). We did the grocery shopping together, and I figured out how we should stagger the cooking of each dish so that we could have everything made by 4:30. He made for an excellent sous chef and also kept up with the dishes so that we actually had pots and pans to use for each stage. And he cleaned up afterwards when I had beached myself on the couch. I'm telling you, the man is a saint.
It turned out AWESOME.
The turkey was actually moist. The meat thermometer that my parents gave me for Christmas last year was instrumental in this.
The sweet potatoes with pecans were my favorite dish, probably because they tasted a bit like pie.... I think this was Luca's favorite too.
My mother liked the stuffing recipe so much (Silver Palate -- Cornbread, sausage, and apple stuffing) that she actually requested it. (Hint: we added a bunch of chicken stock to it before we baked it, which is why it came out moist.)
We also had garlic mashed potatoes (instant -- what can I say, I was raised on instant mashed potatoes and have always preferred them to homemade. I know, blasphemy.)
And then there were the Brussels sprouts with pancetta, though if you must know, we just used regular bacon and they tasted great anyway.
We had cranberry sauce out of the can -- YUM!!
We were going to make rolls, but had so much cornbread left over that we just had that instead.
The only flop was peas au gratin. It was an Emeril recipe, and it was so spicy, you couldn't actually taste the peas. In fact, you could barely eat it, and it clashed with the other food. We didn't even keep the leftovers.
We were so full after consuming dinner that we didn't even have space for pie. Which is fine, since I got to consume some today instead. :-)
Miss Boo behaved impeccably. She even refrained from jumping up on my mother, which was a minor miracle. My mother refrained from feeding the dog off her plate (that's my job), and we therefore avoided diarrhea today. Luca and I showed my parents the trick repertoire we make her do before she can get her dinner, and they were very impressed. Hopefully the next time we visit them in CT, and the Boo decides to attack William (their standard poodle), they will recall that the Boo IS in fact very highly trained, and that she is just a bitch to other dogs. There is a difference, people!
And most importantly, we all got along. We didn't yell at each other once, which really is a holiday miracle. Haha. My parents even gave me what I consider to be very useful advice regarding things we will need for the baby. My mom also told me that I was sleeping through the night by 3 months, and that she had no trouble breastfeeding. Which is really a relief. If you read the internet, I think it's possible to come to the conclusion that breastfeeding is the most difficult thing in the world to do, and it was nice to hear at least ONE story of someone who didn't have problems. The sleeping through the night part was a relief too. Maybe Luca and I will get lucky and end up with a similarly inclined baby.
Fingers crossed!
Tomorrow I will be 32 weeks, so only 5-9 weeks of this pregnancy to go. The countdown begins. Up until a week or so ago, it really wasn't so bad. Now however, I am beginning to feel really large and encumbered. The baby is expected to add 3-5 more POUNDS before it comes out, and I can only imagine how difficult that will make putting on my socks and getting out of chairs.
I'm sure it will be tough, but Luca and are are still really excited!
This disturbs me
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/25/us/politics/support-builds-for-premium-support-plan-for-medicare.html?_r=1&ref=health
I have a better idea: Once someone is no longer "useful" to society, why don't we take them out back and shoot them in the head.
It's just ironic to me. The Republicans don't want "rationing" (which already happens, guys) by doctors or the government, but they are totally and completely ok with the idea of rationing by ability to pay in the private sector. Ah well, I suppose that in the future, only lazy people will be too poor to purchase the private insurance geriatric plans.
I have a better idea: Once someone is no longer "useful" to society, why don't we take them out back and shoot them in the head.
It's just ironic to me. The Republicans don't want "rationing" (which already happens, guys) by doctors or the government, but they are totally and completely ok with the idea of rationing by ability to pay in the private sector. Ah well, I suppose that in the future, only lazy people will be too poor to purchase the private insurance geriatric plans.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
+1
Among the great many 3rd trimester symptoms I've been experiencing lately, +1 pitting edema in my lower legs is the newest one. Woo! For those who are concerned, you'll be relieved to hear that my last BP reading was 100/58 or some such, so it appears to just be standard swollen ankles of pregnancy.
Other symptoms include (TMI warning) dyspnea on exertion (basically every time I walk up hill I have to stop and rest multiple times), insomnia (better this week, but probably only because I've been staying in bed 10+ hours a night), difficulty getting comfortable pretty much any way I sit, and constipation. I may have done a geriatrics rotation in med school, but it took pregnancy to teach me the ins and outs of laxatives. Colace and I, we're best friends.
All I can think about is how I'm looking forward to being able to go for runs again. And I don't even LIKE running all that much! I had occasion to run-waddle for a bus the other day and let me tell you it was not pretty.
But all that aside, as unpleasant as these things can be, I sometimes stop and think: This could be the only time I'm ever pregnant. I should really savor this. Things like feeling the baby move (like ALL THE FREAKING TIME), not feeling guilty about sleeping as much as possible, having my husband go out of his way to make things easier for me, when people say nice things to me about how I'm glowing, or how fit I look, and paying me extra attention (I know some people hate attention.... I am not one of those people), may well never happen again.
It makes up for some of the unpleasant symptoms, anyway.
It's kind of like, though I would NEVER want to be a neurosurgeon or a urologist, I tried to see as much on those rotations as I possibly could because I knew I'd never get the chance to see some of it ever again. When I got to drill a burr hole in a patient's skull, or be first assist on a surgery, or help close, I thought about how I might never do this again, and it made the rotations not only bearable, but actually enjoyable sometimes.
So it is with pregnancy. And I'm assuming, so it will be with having a newborn.
And who knows, maybe Luca and I will like it so much we'll decide to have a second after all.
Ha.
Other symptoms include (TMI warning) dyspnea on exertion (basically every time I walk up hill I have to stop and rest multiple times), insomnia (better this week, but probably only because I've been staying in bed 10+ hours a night), difficulty getting comfortable pretty much any way I sit, and constipation. I may have done a geriatrics rotation in med school, but it took pregnancy to teach me the ins and outs of laxatives. Colace and I, we're best friends.
All I can think about is how I'm looking forward to being able to go for runs again. And I don't even LIKE running all that much! I had occasion to run-waddle for a bus the other day and let me tell you it was not pretty.
But all that aside, as unpleasant as these things can be, I sometimes stop and think: This could be the only time I'm ever pregnant. I should really savor this. Things like feeling the baby move (like ALL THE FREAKING TIME), not feeling guilty about sleeping as much as possible, having my husband go out of his way to make things easier for me, when people say nice things to me about how I'm glowing, or how fit I look, and paying me extra attention (I know some people hate attention.... I am not one of those people), may well never happen again.
It makes up for some of the unpleasant symptoms, anyway.
It's kind of like, though I would NEVER want to be a neurosurgeon or a urologist, I tried to see as much on those rotations as I possibly could because I knew I'd never get the chance to see some of it ever again. When I got to drill a burr hole in a patient's skull, or be first assist on a surgery, or help close, I thought about how I might never do this again, and it made the rotations not only bearable, but actually enjoyable sometimes.
So it is with pregnancy. And I'm assuming, so it will be with having a newborn.
And who knows, maybe Luca and I will like it so much we'll decide to have a second after all.
Ha.
I'll believe it when I see it
Supposedly, the final word on my qualifying exams will be made this AFTERNOON. I know, it's remarkable that this is actually getting done, since I finished taking them 3 months ago.
I was beginning to get concerned since I have to pass my quals before I can do my oral candidacy exam. And my oral candidacy exam is scheduled for 1/3. Even as it is, if I have to remediate any part of my qualifying exam, I'd have to push back my orals. Which wouldn't be the end of the world, but would be a giant pain in my butt.
So, here's crossing my fingers that I passed, and above that, passed without having to remediate anything!
But then, at the rate things progress in my department, as far as final grades happening today are concerned, I'll believe it when I see it.
:-P
UPDATE: I PASSED!!!
I was beginning to get concerned since I have to pass my quals before I can do my oral candidacy exam. And my oral candidacy exam is scheduled for 1/3. Even as it is, if I have to remediate any part of my qualifying exam, I'd have to push back my orals. Which wouldn't be the end of the world, but would be a giant pain in my butt.
So, here's crossing my fingers that I passed, and above that, passed without having to remediate anything!
But then, at the rate things progress in my department, as far as final grades happening today are concerned, I'll believe it when I see it.
:-P
UPDATE: I PASSED!!!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Scratch That!
In light of my contractions last week, Luca and I decided it would be prudent to have Thanksgiving in Philadelphia. My parents live way out in the boonies, and the last thing I want is to deliver a premature baby up there and have him/her airlifted to the nearest NICU. That's just a disaster waiting to happen. Plus I ALWAYS get dehydrated when I go to CT, so I probably would have contractions again.
Well, maybe anyway. We decided that we just didn't want to risk it.
So, my parents decided to come down here!
I don't know what's brought about this change in their interest in seeing me. Perhaps the reality that they will soon be grandparents has finally set in. Maybe it was the blog post from a few months back that did it? Maybe it was that I told my parents that my relationship with them wasn't like the relationships they had with their parents, and that I DO want to see them and have them be part of my life. But whatever it is, I'll take it. I'm really excited to see them again!
So we are cooking.
I ordered a freshly slaughtered (free range?) turkey, which should be killed this weekend and arrive on Tuesday from the Gold Standard Cafe. We're also having some pea - cheese casserole that Luca picked out, baked Brussels sprouts with bacon, sweet potato with pecan casserole, and mashed potatoes. I think we're also doing a cornbread/sausage/apple stuffing. And we bought a pumpkin pie. We made one last week, but this time decided it would be too much work to make another.
I hope it all turns out ok!
Hopefully I'll have my revise and resubmit circulating amongst the various authors by then and I can take 1-2 days off to cook + eat. Wouldn't THAT be a treat?
Well, maybe anyway. We decided that we just didn't want to risk it.
So, my parents decided to come down here!
I don't know what's brought about this change in their interest in seeing me. Perhaps the reality that they will soon be grandparents has finally set in. Maybe it was the blog post from a few months back that did it? Maybe it was that I told my parents that my relationship with them wasn't like the relationships they had with their parents, and that I DO want to see them and have them be part of my life. But whatever it is, I'll take it. I'm really excited to see them again!
So we are cooking.
I ordered a freshly slaughtered (free range?) turkey, which should be killed this weekend and arrive on Tuesday from the Gold Standard Cafe. We're also having some pea - cheese casserole that Luca picked out, baked Brussels sprouts with bacon, sweet potato with pecan casserole, and mashed potatoes. I think we're also doing a cornbread/sausage/apple stuffing. And we bought a pumpkin pie. We made one last week, but this time decided it would be too much work to make another.
I hope it all turns out ok!
Hopefully I'll have my revise and resubmit circulating amongst the various authors by then and I can take 1-2 days off to cook + eat. Wouldn't THAT be a treat?
Friday, November 18, 2011
Because my husband is awesome
He came with me to my prenatal appointment today. To finagle this, he got up at 5AM (his usual time), and did work until we left for the appt. at 9:30. He even called into a meeting before we left.
I was seeing the NP who'd given me shit about my weight 6 weeks ago, and he said that he would personally yell at her if she said ANYTHING about the fact that I put up 4 lbs in the past two weeks, since 2 of those lbs were from yesterday's 2L of normal saline. Fortunately, she didn't say anything.
He told me later that he could see why I didn't like this particular NP, and that she rubbed him the wrong way too. I have no idea whether he is just SAYING this, or if he really means it, but it means a lot to me that he's willing to show me support like this.
I love my husband.
This whole process has been quite the education for him. He has known for a while now that my Ob/Gyn rotation was the most miserable 6 weeks of my time in med school, and yesterday gave him an opportunity to see why this is the case. I saw several providers during my ED stay, including several (wonderful) nurses, an intern, and then finally a senior resident.
The senior resident came in while I was getting my second bag of fluid after I'd had 5 really obvious contractions right in a row spaced at 2 minutes. I didn't feel anything, but she came in and interrogated me, and kind of yelled at me ("You look like you're in LABOR!") like there was something I should be doing differently, or like maybe I should be more upset. Assuming everyone but you must be completely incompetent = the way of the senior resident.
I told Luca this was what probably happened:
Intern reports on me to senior resident with plan, and then later on my progress post 1.5 bags of fluid. Resident is fine with it. Then she happens to see my 5 big contractions, flips out, tears the intern a new one, and the runs back to see me, probably expecting me to be writhing around in pain obviously in labor.
I had to laugh seeing this from the patient perspective since I just KNOW this is what went down. We looked everybody up online that night and saw that the intern and senior residents were who I thought they were.... I told Luca that it was easy to tell what rank everybody was because the Ob interns are usually pretty nice, but they get progressively mean as they go through residency. At least at my institution, haha.
He agreed that the senior had a personality like sandpaper, though I know she was just stressed out. It's easier to take when you realize what they're going through. Really pretty blue eyes though.
I was seeing the NP who'd given me shit about my weight 6 weeks ago, and he said that he would personally yell at her if she said ANYTHING about the fact that I put up 4 lbs in the past two weeks, since 2 of those lbs were from yesterday's 2L of normal saline. Fortunately, she didn't say anything.
He told me later that he could see why I didn't like this particular NP, and that she rubbed him the wrong way too. I have no idea whether he is just SAYING this, or if he really means it, but it means a lot to me that he's willing to show me support like this.
I love my husband.
This whole process has been quite the education for him. He has known for a while now that my Ob/Gyn rotation was the most miserable 6 weeks of my time in med school, and yesterday gave him an opportunity to see why this is the case. I saw several providers during my ED stay, including several (wonderful) nurses, an intern, and then finally a senior resident.
The senior resident came in while I was getting my second bag of fluid after I'd had 5 really obvious contractions right in a row spaced at 2 minutes. I didn't feel anything, but she came in and interrogated me, and kind of yelled at me ("You look like you're in LABOR!") like there was something I should be doing differently, or like maybe I should be more upset. Assuming everyone but you must be completely incompetent = the way of the senior resident.
I told Luca this was what probably happened:
Intern reports on me to senior resident with plan, and then later on my progress post 1.5 bags of fluid. Resident is fine with it. Then she happens to see my 5 big contractions, flips out, tears the intern a new one, and the runs back to see me, probably expecting me to be writhing around in pain obviously in labor.
I had to laugh seeing this from the patient perspective since I just KNOW this is what went down. We looked everybody up online that night and saw that the intern and senior residents were who I thought they were.... I told Luca that it was easy to tell what rank everybody was because the Ob interns are usually pretty nice, but they get progressively mean as they go through residency. At least at my institution, haha.
He agreed that the senior had a personality like sandpaper, though I know she was just stressed out. It's easier to take when you realize what they're going through. Really pretty blue eyes though.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Well, there was some unwanted excitement
I got to spend the day in the ED today. Woo!
I got up after sleeping reasonably decently well last night (only got up 5 times, and fell right back to sleep each time), had breakfast, and was checking my email. And then I felt this sharp burning pain in my epigastric area.
I thought that maybe I was just sick to my stomach, and was about to have massive diarrhea, so I went to the bathroom. Nada. But the pain was still there, now radiating all over my abdomen. Not as bad though. So I took the dog for her walk. Then it came back again a few times.
In the back of my head I'm thinking, hmmmm.... is this "moderate to severe" pain? Should I go to the hospital? I'm not really able to do anything when it's happening, so it's probably moderate....
So I took off my rings, put the dog in the bedroom, and caught a cab (they actually come by pretty regularly in my neighborhood -- who knew??), and went to the ER.
And it turns out I was having contractions. Woo. But, no cervical changes, so no *official* pre-term labor.
In fact, I'm probably still having contractions -- you could still see them on the monitor -- but after 2L of normal saline, they don't hurt anymore.
My two week appointment with the Ob tomorrow will be a little more interesting than usual, me thinks.
Anyhow, Luca came to the hospital from work and sat with me while they gave me fluids. It was a bit of a wake up call for both of us, both in that we really ARE going to have a baby in 7-10 weeks (hopefully not any sooner than that, though), and we (I) really should try to take it a bit easier. I asked Luca if he could walk the Boo in the mornings before he goes to work since I've been feeling like I want to pass out when I take her these past few weeks. Maybe that will help a little.
So, I had to miss a meeting with my biostatistician, and I was supposed to give the lecture in the class that I'm TAing this semester, which obviously I couldn't do. Hopefully nobody will hold it against me.
I got up after sleeping reasonably decently well last night (only got up 5 times, and fell right back to sleep each time), had breakfast, and was checking my email. And then I felt this sharp burning pain in my epigastric area.
I thought that maybe I was just sick to my stomach, and was about to have massive diarrhea, so I went to the bathroom. Nada. But the pain was still there, now radiating all over my abdomen. Not as bad though. So I took the dog for her walk. Then it came back again a few times.
In the back of my head I'm thinking, hmmmm.... is this "moderate to severe" pain? Should I go to the hospital? I'm not really able to do anything when it's happening, so it's probably moderate....
So I took off my rings, put the dog in the bedroom, and caught a cab (they actually come by pretty regularly in my neighborhood -- who knew??), and went to the ER.
And it turns out I was having contractions. Woo. But, no cervical changes, so no *official* pre-term labor.
In fact, I'm probably still having contractions -- you could still see them on the monitor -- but after 2L of normal saline, they don't hurt anymore.
My two week appointment with the Ob tomorrow will be a little more interesting than usual, me thinks.
Anyhow, Luca came to the hospital from work and sat with me while they gave me fluids. It was a bit of a wake up call for both of us, both in that we really ARE going to have a baby in 7-10 weeks (hopefully not any sooner than that, though), and we (I) really should try to take it a bit easier. I asked Luca if he could walk the Boo in the mornings before he goes to work since I've been feeling like I want to pass out when I take her these past few weeks. Maybe that will help a little.
So, I had to miss a meeting with my biostatistician, and I was supposed to give the lecture in the class that I'm TAing this semester, which obviously I couldn't do. Hopefully nobody will hold it against me.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Sleep
Talking to my friend M on Saturday, she remarked on how well I seemed to be doing considering I wasn't sleeping all that well.
"Well," I told her, "Last night I got two full four hour blocks of uninterrupted sleep. I only got up to pee once. It was divine."
She reacted with horror at how this seemed normal to me. But truthfully, that's basically my normal sleep pattern. It's what I've done every night since I was 20.
Lately however my typical sleep pattern has been more like this:
10PM -- Go to bed sleepy
11:00PM -- fall asleep
12:00AM -- wake up to pee
toss and turn and get shitty sleep
3:00AM -- get up to pee again
3:30AM -- fail to fall back to sleep
5:00 -- pee again (just in case)
6:00AM -- fall back to sleep
7:15AM -- wake up, pee
7:30AM -- fall back to sleep
have crazy anxiety dreams
8:30 -- Wake up, ponder whether I *really* have to get out of bed, decide that I do, and get up, and feel like shit the rest of the day.
I suppose I should feel lucky that I get to stay in bed so long. Unfortunately, that was just this morning. Most days I have to be at school at 9 or so, so I end up getting up at 7.
This morning my anxiety dream was of me going into labor (a common theme) early. Then the nurse discovers that my blood pressure is 181/90, and the fetal HR is at 70 (or something horribly low), and they decide I need an emergency c-section. I've just sent Luca to the house to walk the dog and get my hospital bag, so the only person there for me at the hospital is my uncle. Who died 10 years ago. Ah yes, and as I'm being wheeled back to the OR, I am worrying that the baby is going to die. And the f-ing L&D nurse tells me the gender by accident.
Ah well, at least this time I wasn't giving birth at 22 weeks to a puppy.
I have to say, this particular schedule is kind of hard to take when it happens every single night, and when I have to do a full day of work every day. Right now I kind of want to lie around my house in my sweatpants all day, and do work here. And take a nap.
But no, I have to go to a bunch of meetings. Worse yet, one is with someone I haven't met yet, so I will have to dress up and perk up for it. And pretend to be cogent, which I'm not sure I'll be able to manage at this point.
Luca keeps saying that there has to be some evolutionary reason that this happens to pregnant women. I really doubt it. It's probably just punishment for some karmic wrong I've committed.
"Well," I told her, "Last night I got two full four hour blocks of uninterrupted sleep. I only got up to pee once. It was divine."
She reacted with horror at how this seemed normal to me. But truthfully, that's basically my normal sleep pattern. It's what I've done every night since I was 20.
Lately however my typical sleep pattern has been more like this:
10PM -- Go to bed sleepy
11:00PM -- fall asleep
12:00AM -- wake up to pee
toss and turn and get shitty sleep
3:00AM -- get up to pee again
3:30AM -- fail to fall back to sleep
5:00 -- pee again (just in case)
6:00AM -- fall back to sleep
7:15AM -- wake up, pee
7:30AM -- fall back to sleep
have crazy anxiety dreams
8:30 -- Wake up, ponder whether I *really* have to get out of bed, decide that I do, and get up, and feel like shit the rest of the day.
I suppose I should feel lucky that I get to stay in bed so long. Unfortunately, that was just this morning. Most days I have to be at school at 9 or so, so I end up getting up at 7.
This morning my anxiety dream was of me going into labor (a common theme) early. Then the nurse discovers that my blood pressure is 181/90, and the fetal HR is at 70 (or something horribly low), and they decide I need an emergency c-section. I've just sent Luca to the house to walk the dog and get my hospital bag, so the only person there for me at the hospital is my uncle. Who died 10 years ago. Ah yes, and as I'm being wheeled back to the OR, I am worrying that the baby is going to die. And the f-ing L&D nurse tells me the gender by accident.
Ah well, at least this time I wasn't giving birth at 22 weeks to a puppy.
I have to say, this particular schedule is kind of hard to take when it happens every single night, and when I have to do a full day of work every day. Right now I kind of want to lie around my house in my sweatpants all day, and do work here. And take a nap.
But no, I have to go to a bunch of meetings. Worse yet, one is with someone I haven't met yet, so I will have to dress up and perk up for it. And pretend to be cogent, which I'm not sure I'll be able to manage at this point.
Luca keeps saying that there has to be some evolutionary reason that this happens to pregnant women. I really doubt it. It's probably just punishment for some karmic wrong I've committed.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Shin splints
Who knew shin-splints were a side effect of pregnancy. But there is it, that ache in my left arch and tibia, just like I had when I ran track in high school. The best part is, I got them WALKING to and from school, and walking the dog. Who knew relaxin could be such a bitch?
The treatment is rest and ice (ice has never worked for me in the past, and let's face it: it's cold) and ibuprofen (illegal during pregnancy).
So that leaves rest. Which... well... I can't just NOT go to school to my meetings because of shin splints. Add to that if I *stop* walking I will blow up like a balloon. I suppose I could take the bus, but I hate the bus so that isn't happening either. Which means I will live with the pain. Hopefully this go around I won't end up with a stress fracture.
In other news, Luca and I have been very productive on our weekends recently. This weekend, I ran models Saturday and Sunday while he cleaned. The house looks and smells fantastic now. We also bought a car seat for the kid, placed an order on Amazon for a bunch of newborn diapers and super duper maxi-pads, purchased and assembled a changing table ($75, Ikea), looked at strollers, bassinets (new word for Luca), cribs, gliders, baby carriers, etc., and made a pumpkin pie (very delicious).
New words for the weekend:
"Boppy" -- a large crescent shaped pillow that one uses for nursing (you wrap it around your waist and rest the baby on it)
"Pack N' Play" -- a portable playpen / bassinet / changing table that folds easily and you can take with you when you take your offspring someplace that isn't childproofed.
"Glider" -- a modern rocking chair
I'd heard mommies use these words before, as though any moron should know what they are, and had just nodded and smiled in the past like I actually understood.
Still, when Sunday night rolled around, both of us were royally cranky. I think we both need to schedule decompression time where thinking about work, or feeling guilty about not doing work or chores is NOT ALLOWED (not that this will stop us, but I think the idea is sound, anyway). So I decided that Luca will be taking me out to dinner for our anniversary next weekend. To L'Angolo. Which is Italian. And I don't care if he likes it or not.
I also decided that we are going to make the 5 hour (each way) trip to my parents' house for Thanksgiving. Even though I will probably have to stop every hour on the way to pee and the Boo will probably go all Cujo on my parents' poodle William, I think getting out of the city and away from the house for a few days will be a relief and that it will be worth it. And if it's not, we can always come back a day early. I have too much work to do.... but I will ALWAYS have too much work to do, and I know everyone else on my team will take at least a day to decompress and eat. I should get to as well.
Time to take the Boo for her morning walk. It's 9:20 and she hasn't gone yet because I've decided to let myself sleep as late as I want whenever I can. I am a bad doggy mommy.
Also one final thing -- How much stuff should I get (meaning diapers, onesies, clothing, etc.) before the baby arrives? I know they grow fast at that age, so I don't want to get *too* much stuff. Still, it will be January, and I have to clothe him or her in *something* for the trip home for the hospital and have enough on hand until I can get another Amazon delivery (in 2 days -- thank god for Amazon prime!). Any advice on this?
The treatment is rest and ice (ice has never worked for me in the past, and let's face it: it's cold) and ibuprofen (illegal during pregnancy).
So that leaves rest. Which... well... I can't just NOT go to school to my meetings because of shin splints. Add to that if I *stop* walking I will blow up like a balloon. I suppose I could take the bus, but I hate the bus so that isn't happening either. Which means I will live with the pain. Hopefully this go around I won't end up with a stress fracture.
In other news, Luca and I have been very productive on our weekends recently. This weekend, I ran models Saturday and Sunday while he cleaned. The house looks and smells fantastic now. We also bought a car seat for the kid, placed an order on Amazon for a bunch of newborn diapers and super duper maxi-pads, purchased and assembled a changing table ($75, Ikea), looked at strollers, bassinets (new word for Luca), cribs, gliders, baby carriers, etc., and made a pumpkin pie (very delicious).
New words for the weekend:
"Boppy" -- a large crescent shaped pillow that one uses for nursing (you wrap it around your waist and rest the baby on it)
"Pack N' Play" -- a portable playpen / bassinet / changing table that folds easily and you can take with you when you take your offspring someplace that isn't childproofed.
"Glider" -- a modern rocking chair
I'd heard mommies use these words before, as though any moron should know what they are, and had just nodded and smiled in the past like I actually understood.
Still, when Sunday night rolled around, both of us were royally cranky. I think we both need to schedule decompression time where thinking about work, or feeling guilty about not doing work or chores is NOT ALLOWED (not that this will stop us, but I think the idea is sound, anyway). So I decided that Luca will be taking me out to dinner for our anniversary next weekend. To L'Angolo. Which is Italian. And I don't care if he likes it or not.
I also decided that we are going to make the 5 hour (each way) trip to my parents' house for Thanksgiving. Even though I will probably have to stop every hour on the way to pee and the Boo will probably go all Cujo on my parents' poodle William, I think getting out of the city and away from the house for a few days will be a relief and that it will be worth it. And if it's not, we can always come back a day early. I have too much work to do.... but I will ALWAYS have too much work to do, and I know everyone else on my team will take at least a day to decompress and eat. I should get to as well.
Time to take the Boo for her morning walk. It's 9:20 and she hasn't gone yet because I've decided to let myself sleep as late as I want whenever I can. I am a bad doggy mommy.
Also one final thing -- How much stuff should I get (meaning diapers, onesies, clothing, etc.) before the baby arrives? I know they grow fast at that age, so I don't want to get *too* much stuff. Still, it will be January, and I have to clothe him or her in *something* for the trip home for the hospital and have enough on hand until I can get another Amazon delivery (in 2 days -- thank god for Amazon prime!). Any advice on this?
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Concessions
When I worked at the industrial supply company from hell, I had a truly horrible commute. Except during the months when I had to be at work at 5AM when the commute took 40 minutes, my commute reliably took 60 minutes in the morning, and 90-120 minutes every evening.
I thought seriously about moving to the burbs to help alleviate the commute. But then I thought, I don't even like this job. Plus, they may fire me at any time (it was that kind of company), why the heck would I sacrifice my social life and move to the burbs when I might not even be working here a year from now?
So I continued to live in the city for the three or so years I worked there, and when I got laid off in 2003, nobody was happier than I was that I hadn't moved. Would moving to the burbs have made me a better worker? Perhaps. On the other hand, perhaps I would have hated it even more and lost my job anyway. Or, perhaps I would have liked it better, NOT gotten fired, and never ended up going to med school.
At this point, I think the latter would have been even worse.
The thing is, this question never really goes away: How much of your life are you willing to sacrifice for your career? And it's a really really difficult question. When I apply for residency and fellowship, the best thing for my career would be if I applied where the top programs were all over the US, with complete disregard for my husband's career, my kid, or my dog. And to some extent I will probably do that, just because you don't really know what your options are until you look.
But on the other hand, am I really willing to sacrifice living in the same place as the rest of my family to push for a career that a) might not happen even if I do everything right, and b) I'm not 100% positive I want? And the answer to that question is..... probably not.
The same reasoning applied when Luca and I decided to try to have a baby. I can't tell you the number of people who have said to me, "You'll do great in academics. Just don't have kids." Or similarly, "You want to have a BABY???? That's going to be REALLY HARD to do with a research career." Often from men with two or three kids themselves. Men always say these things. Women probably would too, it's just that they've all already opted out, so there are very few that I can get advice from.
But would I really want to sacrifice that part of my life for my career? Never have kids because it might screw up a career that could very possibly not happen anyway? What a stupid f-ing thing to do.
And finally, in the end Luca and I decided that with all the frustrations that work can give you, and the sporadic and inconsistent rewards one gets, is it any wonder that a lot of women opt out? It's completely socially acceptable for a woman to leave her career for her family, and I think after beating one's head against the wall enough, plenty of them just say FUCK IT. More men would do this if it was considered an acceptable alternative for a man, but since it's not, they don't.
I guess in the end everyone has to decide what concessions they're willing to make to reach some amorphous, potentially unreachable goal in their careers.
For me, I just want to be able to do good science in a field that interests me. I want to be respected, and for people to listen to what I have to say about my area of expertise. I want to be able to research the topics I want, and not have to follow some other PI's research agenda. I want to be able to come home to my family most nights and make and eat dinner together and get 8 hours of sleep most of the time, and be able to exercise on occasion.
Is that really too much to ask?
I thought seriously about moving to the burbs to help alleviate the commute. But then I thought, I don't even like this job. Plus, they may fire me at any time (it was that kind of company), why the heck would I sacrifice my social life and move to the burbs when I might not even be working here a year from now?
So I continued to live in the city for the three or so years I worked there, and when I got laid off in 2003, nobody was happier than I was that I hadn't moved. Would moving to the burbs have made me a better worker? Perhaps. On the other hand, perhaps I would have hated it even more and lost my job anyway. Or, perhaps I would have liked it better, NOT gotten fired, and never ended up going to med school.
At this point, I think the latter would have been even worse.
The thing is, this question never really goes away: How much of your life are you willing to sacrifice for your career? And it's a really really difficult question. When I apply for residency and fellowship, the best thing for my career would be if I applied where the top programs were all over the US, with complete disregard for my husband's career, my kid, or my dog. And to some extent I will probably do that, just because you don't really know what your options are until you look.
But on the other hand, am I really willing to sacrifice living in the same place as the rest of my family to push for a career that a) might not happen even if I do everything right, and b) I'm not 100% positive I want? And the answer to that question is..... probably not.
The same reasoning applied when Luca and I decided to try to have a baby. I can't tell you the number of people who have said to me, "You'll do great in academics. Just don't have kids." Or similarly, "You want to have a BABY???? That's going to be REALLY HARD to do with a research career." Often from men with two or three kids themselves. Men always say these things. Women probably would too, it's just that they've all already opted out, so there are very few that I can get advice from.
But would I really want to sacrifice that part of my life for my career? Never have kids because it might screw up a career that could very possibly not happen anyway? What a stupid f-ing thing to do.
And finally, in the end Luca and I decided that with all the frustrations that work can give you, and the sporadic and inconsistent rewards one gets, is it any wonder that a lot of women opt out? It's completely socially acceptable for a woman to leave her career for her family, and I think after beating one's head against the wall enough, plenty of them just say FUCK IT. More men would do this if it was considered an acceptable alternative for a man, but since it's not, they don't.
I guess in the end everyone has to decide what concessions they're willing to make to reach some amorphous, potentially unreachable goal in their careers.
For me, I just want to be able to do good science in a field that interests me. I want to be respected, and for people to listen to what I have to say about my area of expertise. I want to be able to research the topics I want, and not have to follow some other PI's research agenda. I want to be able to come home to my family most nights and make and eat dinner together and get 8 hours of sleep most of the time, and be able to exercise on occasion.
Is that really too much to ask?
Friday, November 11, 2011
Revise & Resubmit
I got the request to revise and resubmit my manuscript two weeks ago. I was able to do some preliminary analyses.... but then I had my committee meeting, which was time consuming prior to it (preparing for it), and then afterwards as well (setting all the suggestions I received in motion).
Which is FINE. But then my mentor told me, "You better get that revise and resubmit done ASAP before they change their minds...."
So I have some ideas of how to make the paper better, which I am excited about looking at. That's going to happen TODAY. But before I even think about doing any of them, I have to:
- soak the dog's foot
- feed the dog
- walk the dog*
- pee 500 times
- write stupid formal redundant letter to the NIH requesting maternity leave
- scan signature for letter (figure out how to do this...)
- add scanned signature to letter
- review mentor's ppt slides and provide feedback
- finish compiling meeting minutes from meeting on Weds that I still haven't gotten to yet because of dinner with Luca's work colleagues Weds night and meetings and TA nonsense all day yesterday
And you KNOW the dog is going to be an annoying pain in my ass all day and I'm going to have to lock her in the BR in order to get any work done. Which makes me feel guilty because she truly has been neglected this week, and hasn't been for a long walk or to the doggy parky in over two weeks.
Anyway, I'd better get started.
PS -- Baby, PLEASE stop kicking me in the ribs!
*On the plus side, it's 40 degrees this AM and windy, so maybe I won't feel like I'm about to pass out when I walk the dog today.
Which is FINE. But then my mentor told me, "You better get that revise and resubmit done ASAP before they change their minds...."
So I have some ideas of how to make the paper better, which I am excited about looking at. That's going to happen TODAY. But before I even think about doing any of them, I have to:
- soak the dog's foot
- feed the dog
- walk the dog*
- pee 500 times
- write stupid formal redundant letter to the NIH requesting maternity leave
- scan signature for letter (figure out how to do this...)
- add scanned signature to letter
- review mentor's ppt slides and provide feedback
- finish compiling meeting minutes from meeting on Weds that I still haven't gotten to yet because of dinner with Luca's work colleagues Weds night and meetings and TA nonsense all day yesterday
And you KNOW the dog is going to be an annoying pain in my ass all day and I'm going to have to lock her in the BR in order to get any work done. Which makes me feel guilty because she truly has been neglected this week, and hasn't been for a long walk or to the doggy parky in over two weeks.
Anyway, I'd better get started.
PS -- Baby, PLEASE stop kicking me in the ribs!
*On the plus side, it's 40 degrees this AM and windy, so maybe I won't feel like I'm about to pass out when I walk the dog today.
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
Nail
Boo's not limping anymore, but over the weekend she started to go to town with the foot licking. So I looked, and her toe was all red and swollen, and her nail had started to separate from the nail bed. Woo.
Fortunately, the practice recommended to me by LIVS a year or so ago has hours on Sundays. So Luca and I made an appt. This was necessary as I do not have access to a car during the week with which to transport the dog.
So we went, and lo, now Miss. Boo has a nail bed infection. I was a little annoyed because on the drive out to Ardmore, Luca told me that the vet had said there was no nail involvement at all last time (there clearly was, it was just difficult to see, and she didn't want to let you inspect very closely). Somehow this information was only relayed to me now....
:-P
But whatever. It's all going to be fine. It wasn't infected 2 weeks ago, it just GOT infected. So now we are doing BID chlorhexidine soaks, cephalexin BID for 14 days, and some more anti-inflammatory for three days. The toe already looks a lot better.
Though I have to say, something veeeerrrryyyy disturbing happened at the vet visit. On the drive back, I asked Luca a question about the instructions that the vet had given us, and his response was.....
dun dun dun.....
"I wasn't paying attention. She was talking to YOU. How should I know?"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Honey!! You were in the room right there with me! Not ok! BAD Luca, BAD!
I've really been trying hard to restrain myself from giving him repeated lectures on responsibility and taking initiative, and how I cannot be the only one receiving instructions and acting upon them. How I cannot be the only functional brain on matters concerning the household. But it's so hard! Is he going to be like this with the baby too? (yes) How the heck am I going to get him to pick up some of the slack without becoming the quintessential nagging wife?
Argh.
He has since apologized and said that he realizes how bad he sounded, and has said that he will try to do better.
At least the Boo is pretty good about holding still for the nail soaks, and doesn't seem to mind taking her medicine (putting them in a big ball of peanut butter helps). I wonder how long it will be until the nail falls off completely. Anyone know how long they take to grow back (if they grow back at all)?
Fortunately, the practice recommended to me by LIVS a year or so ago has hours on Sundays. So Luca and I made an appt. This was necessary as I do not have access to a car during the week with which to transport the dog.
So we went, and lo, now Miss. Boo has a nail bed infection. I was a little annoyed because on the drive out to Ardmore, Luca told me that the vet had said there was no nail involvement at all last time (there clearly was, it was just difficult to see, and she didn't want to let you inspect very closely). Somehow this information was only relayed to me now....
:-P
But whatever. It's all going to be fine. It wasn't infected 2 weeks ago, it just GOT infected. So now we are doing BID chlorhexidine soaks, cephalexin BID for 14 days, and some more anti-inflammatory for three days. The toe already looks a lot better.
Though I have to say, something veeeerrrryyyy disturbing happened at the vet visit. On the drive back, I asked Luca a question about the instructions that the vet had given us, and his response was.....
dun dun dun.....
"I wasn't paying attention. She was talking to YOU. How should I know?"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Honey!! You were in the room right there with me! Not ok! BAD Luca, BAD!
I've really been trying hard to restrain myself from giving him repeated lectures on responsibility and taking initiative, and how I cannot be the only one receiving instructions and acting upon them. How I cannot be the only functional brain on matters concerning the household. But it's so hard! Is he going to be like this with the baby too? (yes) How the heck am I going to get him to pick up some of the slack without becoming the quintessential nagging wife?
Argh.
He has since apologized and said that he realizes how bad he sounded, and has said that he will try to do better.
At least the Boo is pretty good about holding still for the nail soaks, and doesn't seem to mind taking her medicine (putting them in a big ball of peanut butter helps). I wonder how long it will be until the nail falls off completely. Anyone know how long they take to grow back (if they grow back at all)?
Sunday, November 06, 2011
Tha Bump
I have what you have all been waiting for: pictures of Tha Bump!
Side View
Full Frontal Bump
Bump plus Chins
I can say that I feel very lucky at how smoothly things have been going so far (knock on wood). My biggest complaints are increased shortness of breath when walking up hills or stairs, and rib pain, both of which I'm sure are going to get worse. Oh, and I now have great difficulty putting my shoes on, or picking things up off the floor in general. In particular if I'm wearing a coat, or frankly any clothes at all.
A funny thing happened over lunch on Saturday on our brief hiatus from childbirth class. Luca and I went to Taco Bell, and while he got a table, I was standing around waiting for the food. I went to get a soda, and in the process I must have bumped into one of the "Caution Wet Floor" signs that were situated about 2" from the soda machine. Probably with my big fat ass.
Anyway, I didn't even notice this until some young man tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me you knocked that over. You should pick it up."
And I looked at the sign lying flat on the floor and said, "It's pretty difficult for me to bend over these days. Would you mind doing it?"
And he sneered, "What do you mean, 'it's difficult for you to bend over?'" Wow. You should have seen the look on his face.
So I said, "Well, I'm seven months pregnant, and bending over like that is pretty uncomfortable for me. There isn't a whole lot of room in there."
He looked incredulously at the belly, I guess for the first time realizing that it wasn't just empty coat-poof/adiposity, gave me the filthiest look you can imagine, and picked the sign up for me.
Score one for the pregnant lady.
Anyway, I've wanted to avoid pulling the "I'm pregnant" card to get special favors, but in this case I felt it was warranted. And plus, sometimes it really helps when people do little things for me, like pick things up off the floor, or drive me home from campus (I ran into the EM course director at my last Ob visit and he was extremely nice to drive me home that day).
I also realized that I might have to go up a size in my maternity jeans, since they're starting to get a little tighter. At this point, I am debating whether to just give up on all decorum and make the transition to 100% sweat pants 100% of the time, or admit that my ass and thighs are also a size bigger than they were and woman up and buy the bigger pants. I hope I have at least another week before I have to make that call official.
Side View
Full Frontal Bump
Bump plus Chins
I can say that I feel very lucky at how smoothly things have been going so far (knock on wood). My biggest complaints are increased shortness of breath when walking up hills or stairs, and rib pain, both of which I'm sure are going to get worse. Oh, and I now have great difficulty putting my shoes on, or picking things up off the floor in general. In particular if I'm wearing a coat, or frankly any clothes at all.
A funny thing happened over lunch on Saturday on our brief hiatus from childbirth class. Luca and I went to Taco Bell, and while he got a table, I was standing around waiting for the food. I went to get a soda, and in the process I must have bumped into one of the "Caution Wet Floor" signs that were situated about 2" from the soda machine. Probably with my big fat ass.
Anyway, I didn't even notice this until some young man tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me you knocked that over. You should pick it up."
And I looked at the sign lying flat on the floor and said, "It's pretty difficult for me to bend over these days. Would you mind doing it?"
And he sneered, "What do you mean, 'it's difficult for you to bend over?'" Wow. You should have seen the look on his face.
So I said, "Well, I'm seven months pregnant, and bending over like that is pretty uncomfortable for me. There isn't a whole lot of room in there."
He looked incredulously at the belly, I guess for the first time realizing that it wasn't just empty coat-poof/adiposity, gave me the filthiest look you can imagine, and picked the sign up for me.
Score one for the pregnant lady.
Anyway, I've wanted to avoid pulling the "I'm pregnant" card to get special favors, but in this case I felt it was warranted. And plus, sometimes it really helps when people do little things for me, like pick things up off the floor, or drive me home from campus (I ran into the EM course director at my last Ob visit and he was extremely nice to drive me home that day).
I also realized that I might have to go up a size in my maternity jeans, since they're starting to get a little tighter. At this point, I am debating whether to just give up on all decorum and make the transition to 100% sweat pants 100% of the time, or admit that my ass and thighs are also a size bigger than they were and woman up and buy the bigger pants. I hope I have at least another week before I have to make that call official.
Saturday, November 05, 2011
Childbirth class
Ok, I will admit that Luca and I learned a lot of useful information at this today. It ran from 9-5 though, and I am VERY tired of sitting, and I really didn't enjoy the class at all.
It was taught by acheerleader former L&D nurse / current lactation consultant. Seriously, she seemed a bit naked without a pair of pompoms. I found her really irritating at first. But then I listened to her field questions from one of the moms-to-be who peppered her with one confrontational question after another ("I thought that THREE people were allowed in the operating room? Why are you telling me something different now?" "Can we decline a scalp monitor? I don't believe you that it doesn't hurt the baby." "Do they take the baby out of your sight for hearing tests? Why can't you go with them? Can you decline hearing testing?" "Why do they give erythromycin for c-section deliveries? Can you decline that? Does that have to be done in writing in advance?") and I started feeling a little sorry for her. She also mellowed out towards the end, perhaps because exhaustion started setting in after 7 hours of continuous perky talking.
There was another mom-to-be student who was an L&D nurse herself who was also very annoying (she'd give these extremely detailed, long winded, patronizingly toned responses to questions, which seemed like they were designed to let everyone in the class know how knowledgeable she was), but fortunately she and her husband left 1/2 through so we only had to listen to her for 4 hours or so.
What else....
Ah! They showed a completely misleading video of 4 women laboring and giving birth. I have never in my life seen such sanitized quiet births. There were virtually no bodily fluids depicted at all. No blood, no amniotic fluid, and certainly no poo. It was also peacefully quiet in all 4 scenarios -- even the woman without the epidural. None of the women made any noise at all, even when pushing. I wanted to stand up and say, "LIES! They are feeding you lies!" But I bit my lip and said nothing. Luca and I made fun of it afterwards. That part was fun at least.
The instructor was not-so-subtly anti-epidural, and told us things like, "It will slow down your labor," telling us that it was a "statistical fact" that this was the case (it's actually a statistical fact that's NOT the case). Then she threatened that maybe the anesthesiologist would be busy in the OR with a c-section when we wanted our epidural, so we'd better practice all of her relaxation techniques OR ELSE.
She also lied to us about bed availability, telling us people "never" had to wait for a bed when they came in active labor, ready to deliver. I can tell you for a fact, having been a med student on this particular service, that this is patently false, and that patients often had to wait. Two babies ended up being delivered in the area where they assess whether you are in labor prior to being admitted during my 2 weeks on that rotation from lack of beds.
I'm glad that I've been to medical school, so at least I have that background to rely on to help weed out the true from the bullshit.
Anyway.
Otherwise the class was useful, especially the parts on what would happen in the hospital AFTER you gave birth, and what would happen once you took the baby home.
I will say that the class brought back some pretty hideous memories from that rotation. I love when people say that the reason for my bad experience on Ob/Gyn must have been the "challenging patient population." No, it was because of the "challenging" residents. Period. Part of me wants to NOT have an epidural so that I can accidentally-on-purpose kick the resident in the head as retribution for how the residents (Hi Candace! Hi Brianna! Hi Evie!) treated me during that rotation.
God. That rotation was the worst 6 weeks of my life over the last 9 years HANDS DOWN.
In a week and a half, I have an anesthesiology session with the anesthesiology clerkship director. Woo! Hello Dr. G! And a tour of the nursery, which should be somewhat interesting. Hopefully we'll get less medically inaccurate information regarding epidurals during that session. And then there are two more sessions after that as well (peds and breastfeeding), which I'm hoping will be similarly high yield (even though the bf one is being taught by the cheerleader.....).
Luca also wants to go to a child safety class and an infant CPR class. Honestly, I feel like I'm about to OD on class already, and unfortunately he doesn't appear to be welcome at these classes without me, so I'm not sure what we're going to do about this.
Sigh.
It was taught by a
There was another mom-to-be student who was an L&D nurse herself who was also very annoying (she'd give these extremely detailed, long winded, patronizingly toned responses to questions, which seemed like they were designed to let everyone in the class know how knowledgeable she was), but fortunately she and her husband left 1/2 through so we only had to listen to her for 4 hours or so.
What else....
Ah! They showed a completely misleading video of 4 women laboring and giving birth. I have never in my life seen such sanitized quiet births. There were virtually no bodily fluids depicted at all. No blood, no amniotic fluid, and certainly no poo. It was also peacefully quiet in all 4 scenarios -- even the woman without the epidural. None of the women made any noise at all, even when pushing. I wanted to stand up and say, "LIES! They are feeding you lies!" But I bit my lip and said nothing. Luca and I made fun of it afterwards. That part was fun at least.
The instructor was not-so-subtly anti-epidural, and told us things like, "It will slow down your labor," telling us that it was a "statistical fact" that this was the case (it's actually a statistical fact that's NOT the case). Then she threatened that maybe the anesthesiologist would be busy in the OR with a c-section when we wanted our epidural, so we'd better practice all of her relaxation techniques OR ELSE.
She also lied to us about bed availability, telling us people "never" had to wait for a bed when they came in active labor, ready to deliver. I can tell you for a fact, having been a med student on this particular service, that this is patently false, and that patients often had to wait. Two babies ended up being delivered in the area where they assess whether you are in labor prior to being admitted during my 2 weeks on that rotation from lack of beds.
I'm glad that I've been to medical school, so at least I have that background to rely on to help weed out the true from the bullshit.
Anyway.
Otherwise the class was useful, especially the parts on what would happen in the hospital AFTER you gave birth, and what would happen once you took the baby home.
I will say that the class brought back some pretty hideous memories from that rotation. I love when people say that the reason for my bad experience on Ob/Gyn must have been the "challenging patient population." No, it was because of the "challenging" residents. Period. Part of me wants to NOT have an epidural so that I can accidentally-on-purpose kick the resident in the head as retribution for how the residents (Hi Candace! Hi Brianna! Hi Evie!) treated me during that rotation.
God. That rotation was the worst 6 weeks of my life over the last 9 years HANDS DOWN.
In a week and a half, I have an anesthesiology session with the anesthesiology clerkship director. Woo! Hello Dr. G! And a tour of the nursery, which should be somewhat interesting. Hopefully we'll get less medically inaccurate information regarding epidurals during that session. And then there are two more sessions after that as well (peds and breastfeeding), which I'm hoping will be similarly high yield (even though the bf one is being taught by the cheerleader.....).
Luca also wants to go to a child safety class and an infant CPR class. Honestly, I feel like I'm about to OD on class already, and unfortunately he doesn't appear to be welcome at these classes without me, so I'm not sure what we're going to do about this.
Sigh.
Friday, November 04, 2011
A woman in medicine
My biostatistician went to a talk by Deborah German a few weeks back, and thought it was great. She is someone who talks candidly about the "mistakes" she has made throughout her career, but who has always managed to come out ahead.
Here's a link to her bio:
http://www.mc.vanderbilt.edu/reporter/index.html?ID=2224
Main message: Figure out your priorities and do what is best for you and your family. Ignore the naysayers who tell you that you're ruining your career. If you work hard and are good at your job, you CAN make the balance between mama and doctor work.
I thought it was pretty inspirational!
Here's a link to her bio:
http://www.mc.vanderbilt.edu/reporter/index.html?ID=2224
Main message: Figure out your priorities and do what is best for you and your family. Ignore the naysayers who tell you that you're ruining your career. If you work hard and are good at your job, you CAN make the balance between mama and doctor work.
I thought it was pretty inspirational!
The great manipulator
When taking the Boo out for her morning walk, I've noticed a trend: I KNOW she has to go to the bathroom, but she holds it for as long as she can, presumably to prolong her walk. This is despite the fact that I try to take her for a stroll after she goes. I think she just prefers the pre-poo sniffing to the post-poo walking.
I wouldn't really mind all that much, except I don't have time to do a 60 minute walk extravaganza every single morning. We usually do 30-45, and cover 1-2 miles, which I feel should be sufficient at least until I get home that evening.
Anyhow, yesterday it was getting just ridiculous. She was just sniffing and sniffing and sniffing, and would not go to the bathroom. So I decided to take her for the stroll BEFORE she went #2. I gave her a chance to go again when we were about home, but no dice. Just sniff sniff sniff.
So I just brought her inside and figured she could hold it until the dog walker came at 1.
This morning I was expecting more of the same -- sniff sniff sniff, as I stand there and shiver and try to get her to poo -- but she went right away! Then we went on our stroll, and I took great pains to let her sniff along the way. Maybe the discomfort she experienced yesterday from having to hold it all day convinced her to be a little more expeditious in the morning?
Anyway, it all goes to show that dogs can be champion manipulators too. Who says they're stupid! And HOPEFULLY this will end up being useful education for me for when my future child decides to do the same thing.
Ha.
I wouldn't really mind all that much, except I don't have time to do a 60 minute walk extravaganza every single morning. We usually do 30-45, and cover 1-2 miles, which I feel should be sufficient at least until I get home that evening.
Anyhow, yesterday it was getting just ridiculous. She was just sniffing and sniffing and sniffing, and would not go to the bathroom. So I decided to take her for the stroll BEFORE she went #2. I gave her a chance to go again when we were about home, but no dice. Just sniff sniff sniff.
So I just brought her inside and figured she could hold it until the dog walker came at 1.
This morning I was expecting more of the same -- sniff sniff sniff, as I stand there and shiver and try to get her to poo -- but she went right away! Then we went on our stroll, and I took great pains to let her sniff along the way. Maybe the discomfort she experienced yesterday from having to hold it all day convinced her to be a little more expeditious in the morning?
Anyway, it all goes to show that dogs can be champion manipulators too. Who says they're stupid! And HOPEFULLY this will end up being useful education for me for when my future child decides to do the same thing.
Ha.
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
"One of those" women
Will I become "one of those" women, after I have my baby, some of my childless friends want to know?
I don't know. What does that even mean?
I expect after I have my baby, I won't be that interested in going out partying for a while. But then it's been a few years since that appealed to me anyway. I suspect that I won't be up for going out to dinner late. Or that if we come over, I'll want you to keep your dog away from my kid. And that you'll understand if we want to dine early and leave early so that we can go to bed by nine.
Is that what you mean?
Or did you mean that the focus of my life will shift to the baby. That I will be unable to talk about anything else. Well.... it's certainly likely that I'll WANT to talk about him/her. How is that unreasonable? Having a kid is a big deal. A bigger deal to me than where you went out to eat with your husband last week, or how awful that friend of yours is because she spends too much money on handbags. I don't know how to answer that. I already spend a fair amount of time talking about my dog and my pregnancy (in addition to my work and house), but that's what's going on in my life, which seems to be ok with you. When I have my baby, I expect I'll talk about him/her too.
Is that ok with you?
Will I stop caring about my career? I really doubt it. I feel that FINALLY after two years I'm finally getting the hang of working with my data and getting a handle on my projects. I feel like I am making progress for the first time in forever. And I LIKE what I'm doing. I don't want to give that up. I'm sure some of my focus will be diverted to my baby, but I don't expect to never want to work again once I give birth.
Is that what you meant?
Will I "allow" my children to have tantrums in public as part of some "parenting philosophy," thereby disrupting your grocery shopping / flying experience? God, sometimes I wonder how people can be so smug. Sometimes children have tantrums. And sometimes these tantrums happen in public, and there isn't much you can do about it. Of COURSE I'm going to have a child that makes a scene at some point! Kids do that.
Are you going to stand there tsk-tsking me, thinking to your (childless) self that you'd do things so much better?
I don't even know how to respond to these questions. Things happen in life, we sometimes grow apart. When you care about people, you make accommodations for them to see them, and listen to what they want to talk about (hopefully it goes both ways). I do hope that I never utter the words, "Before I became a mother...." followed by some patronizing statement about how you (as an inferior childless being) could never understand something because you don't have kids. But short of that, I really do hope my good friends decide to grow with me during this next phase of my life. It's not like I'm becoming a totally different person.
Is that too much to ask?
I don't know. What does that even mean?
I expect after I have my baby, I won't be that interested in going out partying for a while. But then it's been a few years since that appealed to me anyway. I suspect that I won't be up for going out to dinner late. Or that if we come over, I'll want you to keep your dog away from my kid. And that you'll understand if we want to dine early and leave early so that we can go to bed by nine.
Is that what you mean?
Or did you mean that the focus of my life will shift to the baby. That I will be unable to talk about anything else. Well.... it's certainly likely that I'll WANT to talk about him/her. How is that unreasonable? Having a kid is a big deal. A bigger deal to me than where you went out to eat with your husband last week, or how awful that friend of yours is because she spends too much money on handbags. I don't know how to answer that. I already spend a fair amount of time talking about my dog and my pregnancy (in addition to my work and house), but that's what's going on in my life, which seems to be ok with you. When I have my baby, I expect I'll talk about him/her too.
Is that ok with you?
Will I stop caring about my career? I really doubt it. I feel that FINALLY after two years I'm finally getting the hang of working with my data and getting a handle on my projects. I feel like I am making progress for the first time in forever. And I LIKE what I'm doing. I don't want to give that up. I'm sure some of my focus will be diverted to my baby, but I don't expect to never want to work again once I give birth.
Is that what you meant?
Will I "allow" my children to have tantrums in public as part of some "parenting philosophy," thereby disrupting your grocery shopping / flying experience? God, sometimes I wonder how people can be so smug. Sometimes children have tantrums. And sometimes these tantrums happen in public, and there isn't much you can do about it. Of COURSE I'm going to have a child that makes a scene at some point! Kids do that.
Are you going to stand there tsk-tsking me, thinking to your (childless) self that you'd do things so much better?
I don't even know how to respond to these questions. Things happen in life, we sometimes grow apart. When you care about people, you make accommodations for them to see them, and listen to what they want to talk about (hopefully it goes both ways). I do hope that I never utter the words, "Before I became a mother...." followed by some patronizing statement about how you (as an inferior childless being) could never understand something because you don't have kids. But short of that, I really do hope my good friends decide to grow with me during this next phase of my life. It's not like I'm becoming a totally different person.
Is that too much to ask?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)