I have a neighbor who I like, but rarely see since it's winter and neither of us spend much time outside these days. She's great. She has a big dog that the Boo gets along with and we used to have her and her boyfriend over from time to time under the pretext of a doggy playdate. Then they got a second dog who does NOT get along with the Boo, so we stopped having the playdates. Now we don't see much of each other at all.
It's really a bummer! She's such a sweetie, and I always enjoy talking to her about the house, the dogs, school, the garden, the boys, etc. And every time we see each other we say we really ought to do this more often.
So on Tuesday, since I was working from home that day, and since I thought she might be home not working, I texted her to find out whether she wanted to come over for a slice of cheesecake.
She replied that she did not want any cheesecake since she hadn't exercised in two weeks. But thanks for offering!
I didn't really know what to say. After all, I wasn't *really* asking her over to force cheesecake down her throat, I was asking her over just to chat for a little while.
So I assured her that she had nothing to worry about vis a vis eating too much cheesecake, and suggested that after I give birth perhaps we can start exercising together (we've been on a couple of runs in the past, and it's been fun), and I still got rebuffed!
Sigh.
Should I just have told her that actually I was just texting her to find out if she wanted to hang out for a little while, and that the cheesecake was just a pretext? Gah! I don't know. It just makes things awkward since now I don't know if she didn't want to hang out at all, or if she really just didn't want to be force fed cheesecake.
This "making friends" thing can be so confusing sometimes!
8 Pearls of Wisdom:
Perhaps she just wasn't in the mood to hang out at the moment? I totally feel your pain, and normally I'd just crawl back into my shell and leave it at that, but in keeping of my "making friends" intention, I'll encourage you to try again, maybe for a run (post-baby, of course).
It's really hard. I'd totally over-analyze this situation (in fact, I'm already doing it, on your behalf) and stress myself out.
Check out this blog: http://mwfseekingbff.com/
She posts about all kinds of awkward friend-ing situations.
Ugh, awkward. I feel ya on that. I dont even try any more. Maybe in the spring you can catch her outside and things will be all peachy. :)
Aww...I feel for you. I tend to take things really personally, even if they weren't intended that way.
Maybe your neighbour was just having a 'bad body image' day?
Maybe you look more fit at nine months than she does? Maybe she is trying to get pregnant and having problems?
Point is, it could be anything. I wouldn't give up on her too easily. But I could understand if you aren't rushing to send another invitation her way!
Yeah it's funny, I sort of think she really just didn't want to eat cheesecake... but then part of me is thinking that maybe I'm just socially retarded and not picking up on some more subtle message that she doesn't want to hang out at all.
In any case, I totally do intend to ask her to go on a run when I'm finally recovered post-partum. She can reject me then too if she doesn't want to hang out, and at least then I'll know it's me and not the fattening food!
I hope I'm not overstepping, and obviously I don't know anything a about your friend; but perhaps you could just invite her over for a chat?
Running could be threatening to someone who is feeling out of shape. Her comment about not wanting to eat because she hasn't been exercising just cries body and self esteem issues to me.
I've seen your photos and you look fantastic. Perhaps eating or working out with you are intimidating?
If she rebuffs an offer to come over and catch up, well, yeah, maybe she's not the right friend to pursue...but I really think body image could be at the heart of the issue.
Penelope -- You're totally not overstepping. I've been known to be somewhat dim to these kinds of issues in the past. In my defense, at 9 months pregnant I haven't exercised at all for about 5 months, and I will definitely have some weight to lose when I start again.... but yes, it still could be an issue.
Actually, what I SHOULD do is ask her for baby advice. She's been a full time nanny in the past and knows a lot more than I do about babies, and I suspect would be very helpful.
this really sounds like something that would happen to me (following up with the analyzing), and makes me realize I'm not the only one, ha! I hope you don't take that as me enjoying your awkward situation...definitely not the case. Hell, I probably would have been afraid to invite her (someone I'm not really close with and trust at least 95% :) over for the cheesecake in the first place because I have had enough 'traumatizing' friend situations. Bottom line though- it doesn't matter what her reason was, really. You were being a kind neighbor and if it is you and not the cheesecake (although I doubt it) who cares. I'll try to take my own advice in similar situations.
I recently read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/MWF-Seeking-BFF-Yearlong-Search/dp/0345524942/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327063086&sr=8-1
Not intellectual by any means, but may be what you need soon after baby is born because you don't need to think too much! But it's about how hard it can be to make new friends etc and I found it very entertaining and I could really relate to the author!
Sorry about the rebuff and awkwardness!
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